Snapchat Spectacles Will ID Those Who Deserve to Be Punched the Most (VIDEO)

Snapchat is no longer Snapchat. It’s now Snap, Inc. Under Snap Inc., thousands of barely legal girls will still be sharing photos of their tits. Phew. 

The company is rebranding simultaneously with the release of their signature asshole eyewear line, Snap Spectacles. It’s only now the Halloween III begins to make sense. Also why they’ve pounded home anti-bullying policies in high schools. Excessively trendy teen consumers used to receive a beat down pretty regularly behind the auto shop building to remind them that you can’t buy happiness, or permanent teeth. 

The Snap Spectacles allow you to record everything that goes on in your life from your POV. Why didn’t we think of this before? Oh, wait, eyeballs. According to the commercials it’s especially awesome if you’re a chicly dressed multicultural teen model who hangs out at alt-skate parties at empty high end pools. Perhaps less so if you’re parents are divorcing and you’re flunking U.S History and your one sexual encounter to date left you with a rash that won’t clear.

Snap Inc. CEO Evan Spiegel issued a statement declaring the amazingness of the spectacles, his company, and the lives of millions of non-academic oriented teens who will keep him in the billions and fucking Miranda Kerr. It’s too bad the glasses don’t come with a self-reflective lens. Here’s me filming myself filming my life. What’s the release date for Snap Arsenic Pill again?