Jessica Simpson is bruised

The Daily Mirror UK says that Jessica Simpson has been seen recently sporting what appears to be a black eye. Simpson was photographed as she left Sushi Roku in LA coming out of the back entrance on Wednesday, dressed all in black and wearing a large floppy hat, possibly to hide a bruised eye. A source tells the paper :

“She seemed to be hiding her face for some reason and when she got into her car, it looked like she had a huge black eye.”

Oh, sure, this is all my fault, right? I’m the bad guy? Look, if Jess didn’t wanna get hurt, she should have remembered the safety word. Maybe I shouldn’t have made it “eschatological” but that’s hardly the point. When she started saying “oww, oww, ummm … elephant! ELEPHANT!”, I thought she was just being nice.