AWW GOD DAMMIT

I'm not gonna lie to you, it’s a little discouraging to see a big mean dog get further with Jessica Alba than I have yet. The Sun UK says:

Jessica Alba showed her lucky pet pooch some serious lovin’ during a break in filming a make-up advert in Hollywood yesterday.  The actress shocked cast and crew by sharing a slobbery wet kiss with her white Labrador.  An onlooker said: "She planted a big smacker on her dog’s lips.   “Jessica was very affectionate on set."

This might actually be good news because if she's willing to make out with terrifying dogs and Cash Warren, I'm gonna look like Brad Pitt in comparison.  Not even Brad Pitt, but Brad Pitt holding a basket of massage oils and two dozen roses and a new Juicy handbag.  The only bad news is that my penis may turn on me if I try to make it follow that dork Warren.  My penis has pretty high standards.  It might leap off the bed right when I have Jess in the mood and I'll have to chase it around the room with a fireplace shovel like on Tom and Jerry. Wouldn't be the first time. Crazy penis.

(more of Jess and the dog when she was a puppy HERE and HERE)