THE OWNER OF MAXIM MURDERED SOMEONE

Today is boring, so in keeping with that theme here’s a story about the excruciatingly boring Maxim magazine.  The magazine may suck (hint – it does) but at least its founder Felix Dennis is interesting.  He has a long interview with the Times Of London today, where he covers everything, and I mean everything, even his crack addiction in the 90’s and the time he killed someone, possibly the pimp of a prostitute he had feelings for.   An excerpt:

He (Felix) looks so intense that I ask him whether he's ever fought with a man over a woman. “I've killed a man,” he says. What? “I've killed a man.” What do you mean, you've killed a man? “I killed him.” Does everyone know you've killed a man? “No, and they'll never find out, either.” Are you kidding me? Are you winding me up? Where? In what country? “I killed him. That's all you need to know. I killed him.”Oh Felix, you're having me on. “No.” Promise me. Swear to God… “He hurt her and I told him to stop and he kept on.” What did it feel like, then? “He hurt her.” What did you do? “Pushed him over the edge of a cliff.” In the Caribbean? “Don't matter where it was. He wouldn't let her alone. She told him to stop. I told him to stop. Many people told him to stop. Wouldn't stop. Kept on and on and on. Made her life a living misery: beat her up, beat up her kids, wouldn't let her alone, kept on, kept on – weren't even his kids, so in the end, I had a little meeting with him, pushed him over the edge of a cliff. Weren't 'ard.”Are you sure you want to be telling me this? “Don't care. Anybody harms one of mine… if they harm one of mine, they'd better know what they're doing. And they'd always be warned. I wouldn't attack anybody without reason. I'll attack nobody without reason. Without trying again and again to bring this thing to a much more satisfactory and sensible, more rational conclusion. But if they keep harming one of mine, then I have no option.”

I like to think I would kill the pimp of a prostitute too if it really came down to it.  And by "if it really came down to it", I mean, "if he wouldn't recognize my Tyler Dollars as legal, whore-purchasing currency".

(boobs!)