Billy Crystal sucked, Seth Rogen was awesome

By brendon February 27, 2012 @ 4:30 PM

Movie award shows don’t have to be boring and awful and tragically unfunny, Billy Crystal just makes it seem that way. Take the Independent Spirt Awards for example, which were held in Santa Monica on Saturday and hosted by Seth Rogen.

The video above has Crystals entire monologue from the Oscars last night and then a few examples from Rogen. As you can see, a Billy Crystal joke follows a simple two-step formula:

1. Say some random thing that he’s heard of.
2. Smirk like an asshole.

Rogen on the other hand did things like compare Brett Ratner and the Oscars to Chris Brown and the Grammys:

“Seriously, you say a few hateful things and they don’t let you within a hundred yards of the Oscars. You could literally beat the shit out of a nominee and they’ll ask you to perform TWICE at the Grammys.”

And brought up the murderous Jewish mobsters in ‘Drive’:

“That movie made Jews look so scary I thought Mel Gibson directed it.”

Come to think of it, whoever keeps letting Billy Crystal sing those Oscar medleys filled with idiotic puns might have some secret anti-Semitic agenda too. The hate those things inspire is almost irrational, it’s like some kind of fever.

Irina Shayk almost won the Academy Awards

By brendon February 27, 2012 @ 2:22 PM

irina_shayk_2012_elton_john_oscar_party

Did you know that world famous supermodels wear clothes well and generally look pretty when they go to parties? Well it’s true, and not only did Marisa Miller look terrific at the Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar party, but so did Irina Shayk. Supermodels and their tits were everywhere you looked. What an exciting time this is, to finally be winning the war against AIDS.

(image source = getty)

Marisa Miller won the Academy Awards

By brendon February 27, 2012 @ 2:07 PM

marisa_miller_2012_vanity_fair_oscar_party

Marisa Miller was another of the famous people at the Vanity Fair and Elton Johns AIDS Foundation parties last night, because if a girl this hot with boobs that big can’t sell magazines and/or cure AIDS, no one can.

(image source = getty and splash)

Jim Rash and Nat Faxon made fun of Angelina Jolie

By brendon February 27, 2012 @ 12:06 PM

Thanks to Billy Crystal and his war against comedy, you were no doubt fast asleep by the time Angelina Jolie walked on stage last night and showed off her legs while presenting the Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay. So you missed it when Jim Rash (who plays Dean Pelton on ‘Community’!) and Nat Faxon (who has a lot to learn about campfire safety, according to Blake Griffin in this Kia commercial!) sort of made fun of her and stood in the same awkward pose that she did (which you can see in the hastily edited video above).

But it was all in good fun, according to the Hollywood Reporter

Faxon’s reaction backstage to the idea that the team was making fun of her: “Angelina’s supremely hot. There’s no way to do anything but honor her.”
Rash added, “I had just seen her pose and thought it was bold and fun. And you know what? We have exactly the same legs! Really, it was a loving tribute and nothing but.”

Lots of people are making fun of Angelina today, and I’m probably supposed to join in because a girl who makes Jennifer Aniston cry constantly and who is really skinny and dresses slutty is apparently supposed to bother me. Oh and it does, in the same sense that it bothers a bear when you give him a pot of honey.

(image source = getty)

Miley Cyrus is classy

By brendon February 27, 2012 @ 9:15 AM

miley_cyrus

Miley Cyrus traded in her denim jumper and coonskin cap for a fancy dress last night to attend the 20th Annual Elton John AIDS Foundation Academy Awards viewing party.

“I aint neva been toa party this fancee,“ Miley said. “So I don’t really know whut to tawk about, but they is a billboard near ma house back in Tennassee that say AIDS kills fags, so ifa need ice breaker I’ll prawbly mention that.”

(image source = getty)

Kate Upton at the Vanity Fair Oscar party

By brendon February 27, 2012 @ 9:00 AM

kate_upton_2012

Kate Upton looks fantastic all the time, but she wore this big giant dress that covered up her perfect tits, even her cleavage, to the Vanity Fair Oscar party last night. So. Moving right along…

(image source = getty)