Billy Crystal sucked, Seth Rogen was awesome

By brendon February 27, 2012 @ 4:30 PM

Movie award shows don’t have to be boring and awful and tragically unfunny, Billy Crystal just makes it seem that way. Take the Independent Spirt Awards for example, which were held in Santa Monica on Saturday and hosted by Seth Rogen.

The video above has Crystals entire monologue from the Oscars last night and then a few examples from Rogen. As you can see, a Billy Crystal joke follows a simple two-step formula:

1. Say some random thing that he’s heard of.
2. Smirk like an asshole.

Rogen on the other hand did things like compare Brett Ratner and the Oscars to Chris Brown and the Grammys:

“Seriously, you say a few hateful things and they don’t let you within a hundred yards of the Oscars. You could literally beat the shit out of a nominee and they’ll ask you to perform TWICE at the Grammys.”

And brought up the murderous Jewish mobsters in ‘Drive’:

“That movie made Jews look so scary I thought Mel Gibson directed it.”

Come to think of it, whoever keeps letting Billy Crystal sing those Oscar medleys filled with idiotic puns might have some secret anti-Semitic agenda too. The hate those things inspire is almost irrational, it’s like some kind of fever.

(52) Comments

  1. avatar
    harleydavidson 02/27/2012 16:56

    the NHL trade deadline just passed and my team didnt do shitexcept trade a bum defenseman for a seventh round pick.

    but then when youre the best team in the league its not like you need much help.

  2. avatar
    harleydavidson 02/27/2012 16:56


  3. avatar
    harleydavidson 02/27/2012 16:57

    i mean fuck

  4. avatar
    Dr Poop 02/27/2012 16:59

    That’s a shame, Harley.

    I hear they are already engraving Lidstrom’s name on the cup.

    The NHL stated there was no need to go through a long drawn out playoff just to send the cup back to Detroit where it belongs.

  5. avatar
    Observer 02/27/2012 17:13

    Are comments still “off”?…………..

  6. avatar
    Observer 02/27/2012 17:14

    I wonder what Beppo feels about the comment about a movie making Jews look horrible…..

  7. avatar
    Rok 02/27/2012 17:47


  8. avatar
    harleydavidson 02/27/2012 18:02

    Doc, i happen to think that is a swell idea. i would love to shove in all the johnny come lately blackhawk fans who just found out they had a team a few years ago.

  9. avatar
    nutcracker 02/27/2012 18:28

    harley, we just got a hockey team a few years ago. Old man wertz died and the kid took over. Its amazing what a new owner can do to a team.

    Dr. Poop, my GF laughs when I try to toss her salad. What am I doing wrong? Uh, I mean my friend told me his GF laughs when he tries to toss her salad. Yea, that’s it.

    Gildorg, thanks buddy, I try to keep it fresh.

  10. avatar
    Rok 02/27/2012 18:38


    I live in Michigan, but work in Chicago and I hate all those fuckers who jumped on the bandwagon to celebrate the team the Blackhawks bought for one year, including that fucking prostitute, Hossa.
    Sure I loved him as a Wing, but fuck him anyway.

  11. avatar
    Observer 02/27/2012 19:31


    ….what Hockey team did you just get?

  12. avatar
    Observer 02/27/2012 19:32

    …..hell…..I must have been getting the tea when this shot was on last night…..

  13. avatar
    nutcracker 02/27/2012 19:57

    Obs, A few years ago, the long time owner of the Blackhawks died and his son inherited the team. The old man let the team languish the last decade or so. He didn’t give a fuck so nobody else did.

  14. avatar
    Gildorg 02/27/2012 20:09

    They do pretty good Photoshop work over at that site, Obs…

    Okay, here is a joke for you guys…

    Jesus is hanging on the cross and three Jews go walking by and are looking up at him. One of them grabs a rock and throws it at Jesus and hits him in the side. Jesus just smiles down at them. The next one grabs a bigger rock and throws it and hits him in the side of the face causing a gash. Jesus just continues to smile down at them. Now a little pissed off, the last one grabs an even bigger rock and throws it and hits Jesus in the side of the head causing a nasty cut which bleeds a great deal. Jesus once again, continues to smile down at them. The three Jews are besides themselves and shout up to Jesus, “What the hell is wrong with you? You are up there on the cross and we all hit you with rocks and you are just smiling at us?!?” Jesus looks down and says, “Oh, I am just thinking about you guys and what happens to you in 1945…”

  15. avatar
    nutcracker 02/27/2012 21:41

    Nice Gildorg!


  16. avatar
    Gildorg 02/27/2012 22:27

    Cheers, Indeed!

  17. avatar
    Beppo 02/27/2012 22:29

    Indeed . . . . Herr Gildorg.

    The great conflagration was all but a memory by 45.

    I was running Gypsies to ground with my ox cart as early as 38.

    Papa had mongoloids stacking sacks of wheat in the granary as early as 21, for nothing more than a pfennig a week and a hard kick in the scrotum with muddy boot.

  18. avatar
    BA732 02/27/2012 22:39

    adult batmitvahs….

  19. avatar
    nutcracker 02/27/2012 23:05

    I always love when Beppo comes around!

  20. avatar
    Cocktail 02/27/2012 23:13

    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Where are the titties?

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