Amanda Bynes pled no contest to charges that she was driving with a suspended license. Because, you know, she was fucking driving with a suspended license. This was after she had a couple of hit and runs. It’s hard to see people and other cars when you are busy making kissey faces taking selfies. She will get three years of probation and had to pay $300 in fines, which is about as much as she pays for drinks in an hour.

If this were the end of an episode of Full House and we were going to discuss what we’ve learned from all this, it would be a few things. First of all, if you see Bynes on the freeway…get the fuck away as quickly as possible. In her addled mind she thinks she’s playing 1999′s classic hit and run game Crazy Taxi. Secondly, you shouldn’t let your kids act. Ever. Thirdly, just because you are famous doesn’t mean you can flaunt the law. Sure, the courts won’t really punish you like they do other people, but, a judge will still yell at you and your mom will have to watch.

Walking train wreck Amanda Bynes has admitted that she had a nose job. You don’t fucking say? The former teen star, who now looks like a monstrous version of her former self, said that’s why she doesn’t want magazines using old pictures of her. She confessed on Twitter:

“The reason I’ve asked all magazines and blogs to stop using old photos of me is I don’t look like that anymore. I had a nose job to remove skin that was like a webbing in between my eyes…I wasn’t going to tell anyone, but I look so much prettier in my new photos that I don’t want old photos used anymore.”

Do you really look prettier or do you now resemble Ron Perlman? I wonder what obvious fact she’ll “reveal” next. Mental illness? Drug abuse? That What a Girl Wants was a horrible fucking movie?

The Amanda Bynes career makeover and public meltdown experience continued this week as the one-time respectable child actress kept using her Twitter account to complain about the pictures that celebrity magazines publish of her. She believes that people are only publishing bad images of her so they can destroy her career further and keep making her out to look like a raving lunatic with no control over her life. The nerve.

So after she bitched about all that, she Tweeted the above image of her new haircut, because this is what qualifies as a good picture of her. Now, in addition to the cheek piercings and constant duck face, she has shaved off half of her hair, as people compared her to Miley Cyrus, Rihanna and Amber Rose.

It’s just impossible to figure out why Drake hasn’t murdered her vagina, buried it, dug it back up and murdered it some more.

Amanda Bynes, who is now baby-eating-crazy, Tweeted the weirdest “selfies” yet. They are pictures of her deformed face superimposed on a camel, a poodle, and a cat. Like, the animals. She also retweeted creepy pics her fans created. This takes the whole “selfies” self-indulgent photographic autoeroticism to a new level. Is she telling us that she is a furry and enjoys dressing like an anthropomorphic animal when she bumps uglies? I don’t know. What I do know is that this addled twit gets more and more insane with each passing day. Someone needs to get her help, or at least take her phone away.