We haven’t seen or heard much from Amanda Bynes since a judge ordered her crazy ass into professional therapy and rehab, and she was eventually released to her parents. That’s a good thing, obviously, because it means she wasn’t throwing bongs on the streets of New York City, lighting random driveways or her dog on fire, and stalking Drake so she could cut his dick off and wear it as her crown in her private country of Crazybitchylvania. Yesterday she Tweeted a new photo of her with her sister, Jillian Joyce, who looks like she should be way more important than just being known as the girl standing next to the insane woman. It’s nice to see Amanda smiling and all, but no one should fall for this. There’s still crazy behind those eyes, and it’s just waiting to strike once we’ve all let our guards down.
You can lose your license for speeding, but apparently DUI and a couple hit and runs and some mental illness holds for lighting dogs on fire in psychotic rants in strangers driveways means you’re good to hit the road. Remember when we as a nation decided we’d had enough with drunk driving deaths and MADD and SADD and maybe even GLAAD and NAMBLA got together and we all made rightfully Draconian measures against DUI, except we carved out an exception for troubled former childhood stars and their parents? That seems like just yesterday. I forgot the Lohan Bynes Hilton exception, but there it is. Technically, Amanda Bynes doesn’t have a DUI on her record because prosecutors agreed to drop that charge in exchange for three years probation. But, yeah, she was still driving drunk and sideswiping cops. She could’ve lost her license forever, but zero days just seemed more prudent from the judges who hate to be all judgy. If she kills somebody I know, I’m going to be super pissed.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
Deep down inside, it felt pretty good and relieving to know that Amanda Bynes had received professional medical help and was on the road to being a better, happier person again. It’s always fun to watch a celebrity have a breakdown in the public eye, bogged down by the pressures of being wealthy and famous, but it was also sad to see that nobody really gave a shit about Amanda, at least enough to step in and demand that she get help. And if you disagree with that and think it’s fun to watch a ship completely sink to the bottom, good news, because Amanda’s mom has taken her off her medication, according to TMZ, and she thinks that marijuana was her daughter’s only problem.
Sure, there’s documented proof that Amanda suffers from schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, but Mama Bynes knows better than a couple dozen quacks with pieces of paper framed on their walls. It wasn’t a deep, frightening mental health issue that caused Amanda to completely spiral out of control and try to set her dog on fire. It was weed. Congrats in advance to Amanda’s mom on her Parent of the Year award.
Photo Credit: Getty
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
A homeless woman named Jo Anne Vandegriff came up with an interesting way to get a pitch meeting : suing Amanda Bynes. The wannabe TV producer wasn’t having any luck getting a meeting at Disney to pitch her Civil War romance series, you know, because she’s a fucking crazy homeless woman without a condescending prick of an agent. So, she figured that the best way to get everyone she wanted to pitch to in the same room was to sue them. Amanda Bynes, Armie Hammer, Halle Berry, and Disney were all invited via subpoena to listen to her delightful tale of antebellum love. Why the fuck she thought the Lone Ranger, Catwoman, and carpet glue licking Amanda Bynes would be interested in her crazy shit is unknown. The case will probably be thrown out before she gets to pitch. But you have to wonder if her idea could be any worse than the shit that’s already on TV. I hear these kinds of crazy fucking rants homeless people spew and some of them would make great TV. One guy yelled out to a subway car I was in the other day, “The government is trying to control my brain with a radio in my dick.” I’d watch that show.
If you’ve been following Amanda Bynes since they unplugged the MacBook power cords from her temporal lobes then you’d know that the formerly unsteady driver has returned to pursue a degree at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising. FIDM may not have a strong sports program, but if you’re looking for a hot bed of girls who want to turn their lifelong passion for shopping into a brief career before marriage, you can do no better than this ivory tower. Amanda Bynes originally intended to major in fashion design, but, now according to insider reports, meaning, the international student who was intimidated by the reporter with the magical voice taping device, Amanda has changed majors to merchandise product development. Honestly, I always had Amanda pegged as an MPD major. She seems like a good folder. Just don’t approach her from behind.
There’s no busy quite like part-time fashion school busy.
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