Amanda Bynes Is Off Her Medication, Free To Resume Being Crazy

By Travis April 10, 2014 @ 9:00 AM

Deep down inside, it felt pretty good and relieving to know that Amanda Bynes had received professional medical help and was on the road to being a better, happier person again. It’s always fun to watch a celebrity have a breakdown in the public eye, bogged down by the pressures of being wealthy and famous, but it was also sad to see that nobody really gave a shit about Amanda, at least enough to step in and demand that she get help. And if you disagree with that and think it’s fun to watch a ship completely sink to the bottom, good news, because Amanda’s mom has taken her off her medication, according to TMZ, and she thinks that marijuana was her daughter’s only problem.

Sure, there’s documented proof that Amanda suffers from schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, but Mama Bynes knows better than a couple dozen quacks with pieces of paper framed on their walls. It wasn’t a deep, frightening mental health issue that caused Amanda to completely spiral out of control and try to set her dog on fire. It was weed. Congrats in advance to Amanda’s mom on her Parent of the Year award.

Photo Credit: Getty

Crazy Suing Crazy To Sell a TV Show

By Jack March 21, 2014 @ 12:38 PM

A  homeless woman named Jo Anne Vandegriff came up with an interesting way to get a pitch meeting : suing Amanda Bynes. The wannabe TV producer wasn’t having any luck getting a meeting at Disney to pitch her Civil War romance series, you know, because she’s a fucking crazy homeless woman without a condescending prick of an agent. So, she figured that the best way to get everyone she wanted to pitch to in the same room was to sue them. Amanda Bynes, Armie Hammer, Halle Berry, and Disney were all invited via subpoena to listen to her delightful tale of antebellum love. Why the fuck she thought the Lone Ranger, Catwoman, and carpet glue licking Amanda Bynes would be interested in her crazy shit is unknown. The case will probably be thrown out before she gets to pitch. But you have to wonder if her idea could be any worse than the shit that’s already on TV. I hear these kinds of crazy fucking rants homeless people spew and some of them would make great TV. One guy yelled out to a subway car I was in the other day, “The government is trying to control my brain with a radio in my dick.” I’d watch that show.

Amanda Bynes Is Switching Majors

By Lex March 03, 2014 @ 2:27 PM

Amanda Bynes Goes To The Grocery Shopping With Her Dad In Thousand Oaks
If you’ve been following Amanda Bynes since they unplugged the MacBook power cords from her temporal lobes then you’d know that the formerly unsteady driver has returned to pursue a degree at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising. FIDM may not have a strong sports program, but if you’re looking for a hot bed of girls who want to turn their lifelong passion for shopping into a brief career before marriage, you can do no better than this ivory tower. Amanda Bynes originally intended to major in fashion design, but, now according to insider reports, meaning, the international student who was intimidated by the reporter with the magical voice taping device, Amanda has changed majors to merchandise product development. Honestly, I always had Amanda pegged as an MPD major. She seems like a good folder. Just don’t approach her from behind.

There’s no busy quite like part-time fashion school busy.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Amanda Bynes Scolded and Sent to Her Rubber Room

By Lex February 25, 2014 @ 4:52 PM

Meh, the story is old as time. Celebrity DUI and a ramming of a police car turns into a sentence of wet and reckless, which is the L.A. courts version of your parents yelling at you for taking the car in high school. Amanda Bynes was found mentally stable enough to stand trial on careening her Beemer around Hollywood after bar closing a couple years ago and given the pro forma plea deal of probation, alcohol counseling and a fine. Combined with her similar arrangements on bong tossing in New York, Amanda is now scheduled for substance abuse meetings eleven out of the next five days. By the time she’s completed all of her court-ordered education, Amanda will only be four credits shy of her own Chemical Dependency Counseling license. She can start taking on her own patients,behind the dumpster in the Van Nuys alley next to Margot Kidder’s animal-testing free cosmetics company.

Amanda Bynes’ Bong Case Gets Tossed

By Lex January 10, 2014 @ 4:58 PM

Amanda Bynes Wears A Blue Wig To Court In Manhattan
Huzzah! Amanda Bynes won’t be going to jail for smoking weed and tossing her bong out of her 36th floor window when the cops came to investigate. Had she launched a non-recyclable styrofoam cup out the window, she would have been taken into custody by the United Nations Justice League for Global Warming and threatened with something French. But weed won’t kill pigeons, just make them peck more incessantly at discoloration marks in the sidewalk. Amanda agreed to see a counselor twice a week in lieu of being sentenced by celebrity court to go see a counselor twice a week. It’s not really clear what kind of counselor Bynes will be seeing, but if he’s anything like my high school counselor, he’ll have some sweet dope ready for her to puff not long after ‘let’s talk about what you want to do with your life…’.

Photo Credit: Getty

Amanda Bynes Has Her Dog Taken Away

By Jack December 12, 2013 @ 4:30 PM

Amanda Bynes has had her Pomeranian, Sherbert, taken away from her permanently. Her mom was taking care of the purse dog while Amanda was in mental lockdown, but now that she’s out, mom figured maybe it was best if Sherbert went to go live with an owner who wouldn’t douse it with gasoline so much when lighting driveway fires. Amanda was very attached to the rat posing as a canine, apparently Sherbert is what Amanda screamed out for most nights through the rubber walls of her accommodations. While everyone was concerned she might relapse somewhat with the news of her dog being given away, the thought of having to smell burning Pomeranian hair in the house sealed the decision.