Amanda Bynes Is Out, I Mean, Back

By Lex July 24, 2015 @ 10:25 AM

Amanda Bynes Heads To A Party In LA
The media world is declaring Amanda Bynes healthy since she made her way to a fashion show in Los Angeles without lighting her hair extensions on fire and using them to incinerate Hmong babies. That seems like a low bar. I’m still hiding the sharp objects when she comes to dinner. You’re not rooting for a relapse, but you are certain that a paring knife to the trachea could ruin your evening. Crazy only naps, it never sleeps. Are you certain pulsating red pupils is a side effect of Advil?

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Amanda Bynes Is Cured!

By Lex December 26, 2014 @ 10:12 AM

Amanda Bynes Brunette And Stable
According to somebody who knows the cousin of Amanda Bynes’ mom’s Peet’s Coffee barista, Amanda is off her meds and doing fantastic. As evidence of such, Amanda has dyed her hair black and announced plans to enroll at USC, much to the chagrin of her hairdresser and the USC admissions board who had no idea about either. You need only look deep into the eyes of this Twitter photo posted on Christmas to see how far the crazy has been dispatched into the hinterlands.

Sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ … Amanda is off all meds, including Adderall, which caused her to get a DUI. When you speak with Amanda there is no way you would know she’s been diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolarity. She is completely lucid.

Point of clarification, drugs don’t actually cause you to get a DUI. It’s like that whole guns kill people thing. Never mind. This seems like wonderful news and the right time to ignore the fact that stories about recently committed bipolar schizophrenics going of their meds and being perfectly fine inevitably leads to the follow-on stories about neighborhood dogs found ritualistic slaughtered in a dumpster and a girl naked but for a bloody blanket shaking uncontrollably in the back of a city bus. Nope. Today we celebrate.

Photo Credit: Twitter/Lovewrecked

Amanda Bynes Sleeping in Malls and Shooting Selfies

By Lex November 07, 2014 @ 11:55 AM

Amanda Bynes Wears Sweatpants And Takes Selfies Outside A Restaurant Being street crazy isn’t the same in Hollywood. You grab a couple Z’s at the Beverly Center, throw back some vegan Mediterranean on The Strip, a few selfies to fancy up your bipolar Twitter rants, and it’s still only ten in the morning. Plenty of time to figure out how to get your hands on a set of wheels and plow into a school yard full of famous kids who have clearly kidnapped your dog.

Amanda Bynes parents are leaving town. Somebody had to give and old people can’t compete with young crazy. They’re taking ownership of Amanda’s bank accounts with them to Texas, leaving a hired hand in charge of keeping her from legally obtaining pills from Canadian or Mexican online pharmacies. Amanda gets $100 bucks a day in allowance, which isn’t enough to do anything spectacularly nutty, so she’s sticking to the watermelon balls and martyred Tweets about mysterious being foiled.

There’s really nothing to do now but listen to ACLU lectures the rights of the street crazy and wait for her to do something criminal. It’s too morbid to start laying out the possible scenarios, but just in case I’ve got a hundred on a trifecta of man-made tower, nakedness, and self-immolation.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Amanda Bynes Pounding the Watermelon Like Crazy

By Lex November 03, 2014 @ 1:40 PM

Amanda Bynes Hides Her Face While Leaving Mels Diner LA
Amanda Bynes has been hitting up Mel’s Diner every afternoon for the past several days ordering nothing but bowls of cut up watermelon. That’s not even close to the oddest actress diet in the neighborhood, but when you’ve just been released from a psychiatric hold, people are going to notice the fruit thing. Amanda’s beleaguered parents just won the right to keep her conservatorship in place which means she can’t access her bank accounts or re-up pharmaceuticals without their permission. Also, they get to hang with Britney’s dad at the conservator conventions in Aspen. Amanda didn’t bother to show up to the hearing. The attorney she sent to represent her turned out to be an imaginary British barrister from the 19th century. It’s hard to see how Amanda doesn’t end up climbing somewhere dangerously high in the very near future. If you catch the whiff of watermelon, turn your eyes to the sky. It might just save your life.

Photo Credit: Splash

Lena Dunham Is A Psychiatrist And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 15, 2014 @ 12:00 PM


Lena Dunham has once again made something she has nothing to do with all about her. She’s weighing in on the whole Amanda Bynes issue. Lena’s well versed in the psychiatric sciences since her naked lumpy character on Girls went crazy. I hope Amanda Bynes eats her.

Read Lena’s diagnosis and prescription for Amanda. (The Superficial)

This is Locas Diego and these are her chi-chis. (Drunken Stepfather)

Angela Ruiz sure knows how to wear fucking lingerie. (Hollywood Tuna)

Nadine Leopold and her freckle face are highly fappable in these lingerie pics. (Popoholic)

Jennifer Lawrence’s sham of a relationship to Coldplay is getting “serious”. (Dlisted)

Denise Schaefer eats the fuck out of a burger. (COED)

MMA Veronica Macedo is hot but she’ll kick your balls into your mouth. (Busted Coverage)

Amanda Bynes Returns to Rubber

By Lex October 13, 2014 @ 9:14 AM


When you’re crazy, there’s no such thing as down time. Over the weekend, Amanda Bynes recanted her child molestation charges, blamed her misguided allegations on a microchip placed in her head, and flew back to Los Angeles where she was tricked into a town car he thought was taking her to see a stage revue of cats dancing in Downton Abbey costumes but instead drove her straight into the gates of mental hospital lockdown. Wait, where is Lord Whiskers? Where the fuck is Lord Whiskers!!! That’s a dramatic reenactment.

Amanda is back on 5150 lockdown while her parents fight to get her named a ward once more so they can strap her down, rinse, lather, and repeat. Among the latest signs of Amanda’s return to the blurry side is the ancient Hebrew directions to the site of the Holy Grail lightly etched into her arms. It might also be her Grub Hub order. I’m certain there’s an amusing anecdote behind how it came to be.

There was a time in this country when we get the mentally ill permanently locked up in mad houses. Then Geraldo and his mustache ruined everything for the insane asylum industry. So we collectively determined letting people roam the streets self-medicating and talking to God was preferable to seeing them zombie walking in shit soiled gowns in between shock therapy. It would be awesome if complex social problems got better just by ignoring them. Of more immediate concern, somebody needs to throw Amanda Bynes car keys in the river.

Photo credit: FameFlynet