MADONNA - may adopt another child from the African country of Malawi because she wants her son David Banda (adopted from Malawi in 2007) to, “always stay connected to his Malawian culture. He has a big map of Africa in his room with lots of arrows pointing to Malawi.” Holy Shit. A map and arrows? Lots of them? She’s done an amazing job keeping him connected to his culture. Get him a push pin and he’ll think he never left. (source = Reuters)
JENNA JAMESON - she gave birth for the first time today, to twin boys, with MMA fighter Tito Ortitz. Jameson was pregnant once five years ago but miscarried. “It was all in God's plan,” she said. Probably because of all the whoring. (source = Us.com)
ANDY SAMBERG - On March 31st, Samberg will host the 2009 MTV Movie Awards, which is like the Academy Awards, except retooled for A.D.D. retards with shitty taste in movies. (source = E! online)
DAVID FINCHER - The first look at the animated film from David Fincher is now online. “The Goon” follows a mob enforcer and his sidekick as they battle monsters. Like, zombies, I suppose. And ghosts. Mermaids. Maybe the monster of Illiteracy. Or Eskimos, and litterbugs. This is gonna be a long movie. (source = empire online)
People are giving Mark Wahlberg lots of credit for going on Saturday Night Live this week and being cool about the impression Andy Samberg did of him the week before. I give him credit for the ability to stare directly at his cue cards and step on other peoples lines. What a gifted actor! What range, what emotion! He’s like a young Brando, this one is. All this really proves is that Samberg is a more convincing Mark Wahlberg than the real life Mark Wahlberg.
Mark Wahlberg was on the great Jimmy Kimmel show (I heart Jimmy Kimmel) last night, and Jimmy asked him about the impression Andy Samberg did of him on SNL last week. Suffice to say, Mark was the joyless little bitch he always is. The pretend tough guy said he was gonna, "crack that big fuckin nose of his (Sambergs) … I don’t play that shit … I’m gonna fly to New York tomorrow and slap him in that big nose."
Whatever. He's not gonna do shit. This is what happens when people kiss your ass all day. I’m sure Mark is the toughest guy getting a laser peel after his Pilates class, but in the real world he’s 35 inches tall and hasn’t been in a fight since 1987. My dick is bigger than Mark Wahlberg. Even if he somehow doubled in size overnight, he could still walk through my dog door. Ooooohhh, scary.
