Angelique Morgan Boob Falls Out

See something say something. This heinous French attention whore needs an ICE case file. Are we a nation if we don't enforce rules on nasty women coming to America reality show fame flashing their tits to young boys on the beach?

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Klay Thompson’s Ex-Girlfriend Still Figuring Things Out

This chick with the amazing ass broke up with Klay Thompson because he was cheating on her. That's a technical impossibility if you have any adult level sense of how the world works. Or you've ever watched Animal Planet while high.

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Angelique Morgan Bikini Yogurt Feeding Time

This is what came to mind during speeches about border protection. How did this French chick get in here and what if she had been Syrian? We're clearly not vetting. There's a job in Hollywood called splashing yogurt on your tits but there's no lack of Americans angling for this same position.

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Rocky Barnes in A Bikini

Somebody invented Swim Week in Miami for when the scent of Cuban armpit is especially strong. It's a time in mid-July for thousands of women designing nearly identical bikinis all stitched in the same garment factory in The Killing Fields to hire out tons of hot bodied Florida Junior college chicks.

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Kate Hudson Bikini Pimp

Kate Hudson has spent the past year traveling the world's celebrity hot spots in a bikini or less. In case you miss the constant tabloid stories raving about her amazing mom body, she has you covered on social media with shots of her bare ass cartwheels and reverse crab positions only the limber teens can maintain for an extended porn scene.

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Emma Roberts in A Bikini

Emma Roberts has Eric Roberts blood coursing through her veins. She's playing with borrowed time. That beat down she put on her boyfriend is a classic sign her close associates will choose to ignore when interviewed as to how Roberts found herself up in a bell tower with a rifle and Facebook live manifesto regarding recycling.

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Model Joy Corrigan Not Quite in A Bikini

If mothers could set aside straight-faced 'you can be an engineer' chats with their teen daughters and teach them how to secure their bikini tops after sunbathing on their stomaches, they'd be imparting a far more practical life skill. Never let a man see your tits if you're not being paid or potentially proposed to.

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The Stallone Girls in Bikinis

There are pluses and minuses to being seventy with a still attractive forty-something wife and three attractive teen daughters. Cialis and a chick in your bed who still looks good naked is a big something. But older guy muscle juice can't stop hordes of horny young men from circling the boat with Jet-Skis and hard-ons. "I got Sly's autograph!" has been replaced by "I fucked Sly's daughter". Nature is cruel. The...

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That Time Heidi Klum's Former Fuck Toy Saved Chris Cornell's Life

Chris Cornell has a crazy chick fan who thinks she's supposed to bear his sacred babies and likes to send threatening letters to his wife and show up to his events. Jessica Robbins had a court ordered ankle bracelet to make sure she never got close to Cornell, but she chewed through that back in May. The FBI put everybody in Cornell's tour security and local cops at his concert stops on high alert that his stalker was...read more

Justin Bieber Pick of the Litter

Magazines overly concerned with whom Justin Bieber is currently extending his tiny romantic appendage believe young model Alexandra Rodriquez might be the one. First, she owns that same underaged appearance as Selena Gomez. A midget never forgets his first normal.read more

Bri Teresi in A Bikini

Eating bananas like they're cocks has always been an art more than science. Now it's a cottage industry. Bri Teresi calls herself the Snapchat Queen. As far as regal titles go, that's pretty bourgeois.read more

Melanie Brown in A Bikini

America's Got Talent neither showcases unknown talent or features hosts from America, yet it passes as iconic Americana. This is the kind of shit that leads to nationalist referendums.read more

Daniela Lopez Osorio in A Bikini

This model is famous because she was once spotted eating food on the set of shoot. It's like seeing LeBron called for shoving off a defender. You recall the one time in your life you saw it happen. Osorio was said to have told the stunned onlookers, that she doesn't eat for herself, she eats for her butt. That's likely urban legend, but a great cotton ball dining party conversation starter.read more

Devon Windsor in A Bikini

If you're tall and skinny and don't have an opinion either way about sweatshops in Myanmar, there's a sixty percent chance you've been signed by Victoria's Secret. The plus-sized model craze seems to be crazing slower than projected by breathless hyperboles in HuffPo's Yeast Infection vertical.read more

Aspiring Model Brianna Addolorato Topless Sunbathing

The best of modern American literature can be found in the blogs of young women wishing to be more sought after professional models. The word "plucky" comes to mind. If you discount the ripe subtext of desperation. It's like documenting the captain of the high school cheerleading squad in the days leading up to her graduation. Is that a Spirit Week sparkle smile or are you clenching your teeth with thoughts of what...read more