Nausicaa in A Bikini

The standards by which you can go by the single moniker have changed through the years. You used to have to pay your dues before everybody just accepted you as Sting or Iman. Now you call yourself Nausicaa and look to the heavens awaiting an angelic bukkake. I'm betting this one doesn't catch on. But I would've said the same about Madonna when she showed up at my art studio at nineteen offering to take off her top for...read more

Kaili Thorne in Bikinis

It's not easy living with the lady wage gap. Wpmen taking home seven cents on the dollar for the coin men can earn teasing each other swimsuits in the surf outside David Geffen's beach house. When these girls get handed a pack of sugar-free Jelly Belly's and some old railroad ties as renumeration for shaking their implants, the women's movement will take four steps backward. Take a seat by the thinking tree and ponder...read more

Miss Lebanon's Future Seems Bleak

When you leave Beirut on the burrofor the Miss Universe pageant, you're given two instructions. Smile like you're from a better country and don't get fucking near Miss Israel or Hezbollah will decapitate your family and shit down their neck stumps. For two weeks of whatever the hell they do at Miss Universe, Miss Lebanon kept her distance from Miss Israel. But sinister sneaky Jews being what they are, Miss Israel...read more

Salma Hayek in a Bikini on a Yacht

Someday, legitimate science will prove that a big rack is worth a fortune. A potential fortune. Some women reject their blessings and toss it away like the super tall kid who eschews basketball and ends up cramped in coach the rest of his life. But most turn their genetic hand-up into some level of benefit. You work in a 40-something pregnancy and you're suddenly on a yacht married to a French dude worth fifteen...read more

Lauren Stoner Bikini Pictures Keep Rolling

Last week I had no idea what Lauren Stoner did. Thanks to a barrage (three) emails from her fans, it turns out Lauren was a very valuable cast member of The Spin Crowd, the short-lived Kim Kardashian produced reality show about girls working in a P.R. agency. The show was so stupid that even stupid people who watch stupid shows called it stupid and refused to watch. None of which should take away from Lauren Stoner's...read more

Ryanair Flight Attendants In Bikinis

Ryanair is pretty much considered the single worst airline in the world. I'm not making that up, they came in dead last in the Zagat survey, or first I suppose, if you're striving to be the worst. They scored worse than Aeroflot, that's no simple task. The airline is constantly in the news for safety concerns, near misses and collisions, shoddy service, janky onboard flight practices, fees for everything from crackers...read more

Marc Anthony Is Tapping This Doughy Heiress

Marc Anthony probably got sick to shit of seeing Jennifer Lopezhaving sex with, and buying Range Rovers for, her 20-something gay backup dancer So he decided to top her by picking up 22-year old Chloe Green, the chunky big boobed heiress to the British Topshop clothing store fortune, and he took her to Disneyland with him and the kids to show JLo that he was both banging a girl half his age and also letting that same...read more

don't worry about Leonardo DiCaprio

You might think that Leonardo DiCaprio would be upset today after hearing that Blake Lively (his ex-girlfriend) married Ryan Reynolds this weekend. But here's DiCaprios current girlfriend, Erin Heatherton, shooting for Victorias Secret today in Miami. He might think this is Blake Lively. Or he probably doesn't even remember that he dated Blake Lively. It would be like asking your dog about a shoe he ate last year....read more

Candice Swanepoel is back at work

Candice Swanepoel spent another day shooting for Victorias Secret on the beach in St.Barts, and I know the elephant in the room right now is all the rumors this week about me banging her, but to dignify such tawdry gossip with a response is hardly the mark of a gentleman, so I refuse to even address it. (image source = fame/flynet)read more

Michelle Hunziker and her bikini are here to save us!

Holy shit today was boring, so thank God for Michelle Hunziker and her ongoing contempt for sun safety. But lest you think she's just some one-trick pony who only goes to the beach in a bikini, today she also went to the pool in a bikini. Talk about a triple threat! Granted that's only two things but whatever. Fuck off, Countie! No one wants to sit here and listen to you add one plus one all day. (image source =...read more

Candice Swanepoel is an elite model

Supermodel Candice Swanepoel was on the beach on St. Barts yesterday to shoot for Victoria's Secret, and I don't know who else they have down there but she's in trouble because Candice has really set the bar for jutting her ass out at an impossible angle while somehow not tipping over. (image source = fame/flynet)read more

Courtney Robertson and Ben Flajnik went to the pool

Courtney Robertson and Ben Flajnik went to Wet Republic at the MGM in Vegas over the weekend, and it didn't say who they were so let's just say they're from ‘the Bachelor'. Because whenever there's someone that you've never fucking heard of in your life but is apparently famous it's a pretty good bet they're from ‘the Bachelor'. (image source = inf)read more

Chloe Sevigny wore this bikini

Chloe Sevigny isn't very good looking, and she doesn't have a good body, so I think it was awfully big of me to look at her ass anyway. I'm an amazing man. (image source of chloe on miami beach saturday = inf)read more

Sara Jean Underwood is her to seduce/bore you

I truly do not understand the internets love affair with Sara Underwood, seen here at the pool at Encore in Las Vegas over the weekend. She's just another blond chick with half-hearted implants, indistinguishable from two million other girls in LA who look exactly like her. But if you're one of the ones who do like her, then today is the day your boring taste in women will finally pay off. (image source = inf)read more

Rachel Bilson is still fantastically hot

It's nothing short of stunning to see that Rachel Bilson is still with Hayden Christensen, because she's one of the hottest girls in Hollywood, and he's a whiny jackass. And yet here they are on a beach in Barbados today. Take my word on it. You can only barely see him because I cropped him out. Too bad there's not a way to do this with his movies. (image source = fame/flynet)read more