Nausicaa in A Bikini

By Lex June 12, 2015 @ 9:43 AM

Nausicaa Red Bikini Photoshoot on a Beach in Malibu
The standards by which you can go by the single moniker have changed through the years. You used to have to pay your dues before everybody just accepted you as Sting or Iman. Now you call yourself Nausicaa and look to the heavens awaiting an angelic bukkake. I’m betting this one doesn’t catch on. But I would’ve said the same about Madonna when she showed up at my art studio at nineteen offering to take off her top for ten bucks an hour. Where did it all go right. Fucking Obama.

Photo Credit: FameFlyNet

Kaili Thorne in Bikinis

By Lex June 10, 2015 @ 10:59 AM

Eryn Krouse and Kaili Thorne Hot 138 Water Beach Bikini Shoot in Malibu
It’s not easy living with the lady wage gap. Wpmen taking home seven cents on the dollar for the coin men can earn teasing each other swimsuits in the surf outside David Geffen’s beach house. When these girls get handed a pack of sugar-free Jelly Belly’s and some old railroad ties as renumeration for shaking their implants, the women’s movement will take four steps backward. Take a seat by the thinking tree and ponder how your boner is a tool of oppression. Slice it off and start again. You’re not winning an ESPY award for your crazy dunks.

Photo Credit: Fameflynet

Miss Lebanon’s Future Seems Bleak

By Lex January 26, 2015 @ 10:31 AM

When you leave Beirut on the burro¬†for the Miss Universe pageant, you’re given two instructions. Smile like you’re from a better country and don’t get fucking near Miss Israel or Hezbollah will decapitate your family and shit down their neck stumps. For two weeks of whatever the hell they do at Miss Universe, Miss Lebanon kept her distance from Miss Israel. But sinister sneaky Jews being what they are, Miss Israel bided her time then popped into frame with Miss Lebanon in a selfie she posted to Twitter. All hell broke loose in Lebanon. Three times the usual rubble was created. Miss Lebanon was called a traitor, a Jew lover, and was in danger of losing her country crown to the chick with the infected face scab who came in a close second. Miss Lebanon quickly took to social media


Miss Lebanon’s manager filed a complaint with the Miss Universe pageant and demanded Miss Israel be removed from the competition. Then he turned to the camera and told people Beirut was lovely in the Spring and the Intercontinental had vacancies. The Miss Universe judges re-acted by naming Miss Colombia the winner because she’s hot and Spanish and learned early in life that men love tits more than politics.

Photo Credit: Splash

Salma Hayek in a Bikini on a Yacht

By Lex December 29, 2014 @ 9:23 AM

Someday, legitimate science will prove that a big rack is worth a fortune. A potential fortune. Some women reject their blessings and toss it away like the super tall kid who eschews basketball and ends up cramped in coach the rest of his life. But most turn their genetic hand-up into some level of benefit. You work in a 40-something pregnancy and you’re suddenly on a yacht married to a French dude worth fifteen billion in Vichy gold. It happens that fast. Flat chested girls, back to work. The copper mines don’t mine themselves and the girls with big tits need new cellphones.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Lauren Stoner Bikini Pictures Keep Rolling

By Lex April 15, 2013 @ 4:38 PM

Lauren Stoner In Blue Bikini In Miami
Last week I had no idea what Lauren Stoner did. Thanks to a barrage (three) emails from her fans, it turns out Lauren was a very valuable cast member of The Spin Crowd, the short-lived Kim Kardashian produced reality show about girls working in a P.R. agency. The show was so stupid that even stupid people who watch stupid shows called it stupid and refused to watch. None of which should take away from Lauren Stoner’s hot ass. We need to separate the art from the artist.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN

Ryanair Flight Attendants In Bikinis

By Lex March 28, 2013 @ 10:56 AM

Ryanair is pretty much considered the single worst airline in the world. I’m not making that up, they came in dead last in the Zagat survey, or first I suppose, if you’re striving to be the worst. They scored worse than Aeroflot, that’s no simple task. The airline is constantly in the news for safety concerns, near misses and collisions, shoddy service, janky onboard flight practices, fees for everything from crackers to toilet use, seats and overhead luggage compartments littered with paid ads, and just generally being really effin’ stinky. Literally. There’s even a IHateRyanair website where people can get together to share their hatred of Ryanair. But, they do have sort of hot flight attendants. And they pose in a bikini calendar each year to try and get your mind off the fact that you’re probably going to die on your next Ryanair flight, or wish you could.