Melanie Brown in A Bikini

America's Got Talent neither showcases unknown talent or features hosts from America, yet it passes as iconic Americana. This is the kind of shit that leads to nationalist referendums.read more

Daniela Lopez Osorio in A Bikini

This model is famous because she was once spotted eating food on the set of shoot. It's like seeing LeBron called for shoving off a defender. You recall the one time in your life you saw it happen. Osorio was said to have told the stunned onlookers, that she doesn't eat for herself, she eats for her butt. That's likely urban legend, but a great cotton ball dining party conversation starter.read more

Devon Windsor in A Bikini

If you're tall and skinny and don't have an opinion either way about sweatshops in Myanmar, there's a sixty percent chance you've been signed by Victoria's Secret. The plus-sized model craze seems to be crazing slower than projected by breathless hyperboles in HuffPo's Yeast Infection vertical.read more

Aspiring Model Brianna Addolorato Topless Sunbathing

The best of modern American literature can be found in the blogs of young women wishing to be more sought after professional models. The word "plucky" comes to mind. If you discount the ripe subtext of desperation. It's like documenting the captain of the high school cheerleading squad in the days leading up to her graduation. Is that a Spirit Week sparkle smile or are you clenching your teeth with thoughts of what...read more

Charlotte McKee in A Bikini

It's a big day when a New York based fashion model heads down to Miami for representation. Blank-faced Polaroids in nude underwear become salacious glossies in bikinis. New York wants tiny tits and boyish bodies. Miami wants giant screaming honkers and streams of last night's rapper cream pie running down your leg.read more

Juli Proven in A Bikini

This chick is from Colombia. She changed her sir name to something vaguely Anglo-Saxon and finished somewhere near the top of Maxim's Hometown Hotties search back in the day before Maxim did galleries of dudes next to McLaren's and dared you not to get hard.read more

Charlotte McKinney in A Bikini

Charlotte McKinney is on that list where she gets invited to every single Los Angeles event a level or two beneath A-list red carpet. Her name is on the e-vite for style magazine galas, tequila company pool parties, and desert events to honor the video poker farms on Indian reservations to make up for the quiet genocide.read more

Joy Corrigan Caught Topless Changing Bikinis

There's something monumentally sad about paying a beautiful woman to take off her top then ordering her to use her arm to cover up her perfect young tits. You wouldn't hire a plumber and insist he keep his tools in the truck.read more

Lorelei Taron in A Bikini

Soccer is the beautiful game. Insomuch as the sport is boring as shit but you get the hottest tail. Professional hockey players do remarkably well with model quality pussy. Baseball players the worst. Football players could do well but pretty women don't take well to beatings so defensive ends stick their dicks in low rent hookers and call it a night.read more

Kimberley Garner in A Bikini

If there's a checklist for modern day chick celebrity with no appreciable talent, it's reality show credits, revealing social media pictures, and a bikini swimwear or signature cosmetics line that can't possibly be making any money. The business plan exit strategy consists of greatly upgrading the 1040 income of the men you date. Like Warren Buffet if he had a splendid ass.read more

Lindsey Pelas in A Bikini

According to Maxim, this social media bikini star had the perfect comeback for Twitter trolls. Which means Maxim is now paying Yahoo bloggers a couple bucks to pen male apologist clickbait. Maxim sold in its heyday for $250 million. A couple years ago it got bought at a fire sale by the Steak n' Shake guy for around ten and two cough drops he found in his pocket.read more

Kendall And Kylie Jenner Model Bikinis

You can stew over the fact that a couple uneducated teens have lapped you in capitalism, or you can contrive a real estate scam to swindle it all from them.read more

Metisha Schaefer in A Bikini

This German model speaks five languages fluently. Which is not nearly as helpful as learning the interrogative "more vagina?" in twenty.read more

Jennifer Nicole Lee in A Bikini

It's hard to know when it's time to step aside as a celebrity fitness instructor. Like ball players or meth addicts. It's depressing to think of what comes next. Forty is the new thirty which is still five years past the time super wealthy men will make you their trophy wife without IMDb credits or a society name.read more

Katya Henry in A Bikini

With all the negative news in the U.S. job markets you might not notice the explosion of work in the online fitness model field. It's dominating both door to door magazine sales and indentured Asian nail technician gigs. There are now thirty-seven hundred women with nice asses turning a dime as Instagram fitness models. Just in Miami.read more