Last week I had no idea what Lauren Stoner did. Thanks to a barrage (three) emails from her fans, it turns out Lauren was a very valuable cast member of The Spin Crowd, the short-lived Kim Kardashian produced reality show about girls working in a P.R. agency. The show was so stupid that even stupid people who watch stupid shows called it stupid and refused to watch. None of which should take away from Lauren Stoner’s hot ass. We need to separate the art from the artist.
Ryanair is pretty much considered the single worst airline in the world. I’m not making that up, they came in dead last in the Zagat survey, or first I suppose, if you’re striving to be the worst. They scored worse than Aeroflot, that’s no simple task. The airline is constantly in the news for safety concerns, near misses and collisions, shoddy service, janky onboard flight practices, fees for everything from crackers to toilet use, seats and overhead luggage compartments littered with paid ads, and just generally being really effin’ stinky. Literally. There’s even a IHateRyanair website where people can get together to share their hatred of Ryanair. But, they do have sort of hot flight attendants. And they pose in a bikini calendar each year to try and get your mind off the fact that you’re probably going to die on your next Ryanair flight, or wish you could.
Marc Anthony probably got sick to shit of seeing Jennifer Lopez having sex with, and buying Range Rovers for, her 20-something gay backup dancer So he decided to top her by picking up 22-year old Chloe Green, the chunky big boobed heiress to the British Topshop clothing store fortune, and he took her to Disneyland with him and the kids to show JLo that he was both banging a girl half his age and also letting that same chick take care of JLo’s kids.
Marc Anthony might be a weasel-faced skinny bitch looking man-boy with a Megan’s Law mustache, but this was a power FU.
You might think that Leonardo DiCaprio would be upset today after hearing that Blake Lively (his ex-girlfriend) married Ryan Reynolds this weekend. But here’s DiCaprios current girlfriend, Erin Heatherton, shooting for Victorias Secret today in Miami. He might think this is Blake Lively. Or he probably doesn’t even remember that he dated Blake Lively. It would be like asking your dog about a shoe he ate last year.
Candice Swanepoel spent another day shooting for Victorias Secret on the beach in St.Barts, and I know the elephant in the room right now is all the rumors this week about me banging her, but to dignify such tawdry gossip with a response is hardly the mark of a gentleman, so I refuse to even address it.
Holy shit today was boring, so thank God for Michelle Hunziker and her ongoing contempt for sun safety. But lest you think she’s just some one-trick pony who only goes to the beach in a bikini, today she also went to the pool in a bikini. Talk about a triple threat! Granted that’s only two things but whatever. Fuck off, Countie! No one wants to sit here and listen to you add one plus one all day.