Dr. Oz Study Wasn’t Super Fact Checked

By Matt October 22, 2014 @ 8:06 AM

OZ

A study Dr Oz quoted mercilessly about green coffee beans being a magical weight loss cure has been shockingly debunked. The study’s authors based at the prestigious University of Scranton have got some explaining to do:

“The sponsors of the study cannot assure the validity of the data so we, Joe Vinson and Bryan Burnham, are retracting the paper.”

That’s a polite way of admitting everyone knows you are full of shit and you don’t get to pretend to do experiments anymore. The pair will probably be put on a much needed leave of absence soon so they can decompress after those tough hours of making up data while watching Family Guy and getting super high. The kickback money they made pulling the heart strings of fat people will probably soon run out, at which point one they’ll be free to start selling time shares in Ocala or just wander the streets with a metal detector. Roll with the punches. Dr. Oz will skate, but these dudes should thank him for abiding by the huckster code of having each other’s backs and pleasuring Oprah with jams and cunnilingus as needed.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Dr. Oz Wasn’t Super Duper Honest

By Matt June 18, 2014 @ 10:40 AM

Dr. Oz

Dr. Oz has finally admitted that he’s completely full of shit, a realization I came to while watching him stroll through a  colon on a muted television in the Jiffy Lube waiting area. Oz has been promoting pretty much anything that grows in a little league outfield as a cure for weight loss to his audience of fatties. Oz admitted to a Senate panel that unroasted coffee can’t give you a six pack and that grinding Frosted Flakes with a pestle and mortar won’t make your tits bigger. He doesn’t actually care that people are being duped into buying these products, he’s just pissed that companies are using his likeness to sell them without giving him a cut. His best advice would be switch off the TV and get off your ass, but he can’t monetize healthy living.

Photo Credit: Instagram