Dr Oz Has Not Many Regrets

By Matt May 12, 2015 @ 6:17 AM

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Dr Oz offered the closest thing you will hear to an apology for lying his ass off on his stupid TV show. Oz is well known for touting various products as miracle cures, such as green coffee extract or misshapen factory reject Pringles. Dr Oz is a real doctor and is currently a professor in the Department of Surgery at Columbia University which would seem to be in conflict with his rampant quackery. Several of his peers have called for his dismissal yet Oz appears to be above the law, including the laws of science and medicine. Oz went on Fox and Friends to attempt sounding empathetic and maybe help him keep his job:

“I wish I’d never used the laudatory terms I used for weight loss supplements. That was the big mistake I think we all acknowledge. I stopped doing that a long time ago, over a year ago.”

Stephen Collins stopped exposing himself to children several years ago. You can bet Cosby isn’t still making red eyes for the ladies. What’s your point? Oz claims he never made any money from touting various dubious scientific studies and that other people slapped his endorsement of said studies onto products without his knowledge. I’d be inclined to believe that if it sounded halfway plausible. There’s a money train here and it doesn’t stop at a shady laboratory in a Florida strip mall. Oz already got bitch slapped by Congress so I’d say Columbia is posed to follow suit. Just take him off the pamphlets first. His believable jawline will be missed.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Dr. Oz Study Wasn’t Super Fact Checked

By Matt October 22, 2014 @ 8:06 AM

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A study Dr Oz quoted mercilessly about green coffee beans being a magical weight loss cure has been shockingly debunked. The study’s authors based at the prestigious University of Scranton have got some explaining to do:

“The sponsors of the study cannot assure the validity of the data so we, Joe Vinson and Bryan Burnham, are retracting the paper.”

That’s a polite way of admitting everyone knows you are full of shit and you don’t get to pretend to do experiments anymore. The pair will probably be put on a much needed leave of absence soon so they can decompress after those tough hours of making up data while watching Family Guy and getting super high. The kickback money they made pulling the heart strings of fat people will probably soon run out, at which point one they’ll be free to start selling time shares in Ocala or just wander the streets with a metal detector. Roll with the punches. Dr. Oz will skate, but these dudes should thank him for abiding by the huckster code of having each other’s backs and pleasuring Oprah with jams and cunnilingus as needed.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Dr. Oz Wasn’t Super Duper Honest

By Matt June 18, 2014 @ 10:40 AM

Dr. Oz

Dr. Oz has finally admitted that he’s completely full of shit, a realization I came to while watching him stroll through a  colon on a muted television in the Jiffy Lube waiting area. Oz has been promoting pretty much anything that grows in a little league outfield as a cure for weight loss to his audience of fatties. Oz admitted to a Senate panel that unroasted coffee can’t give you a six pack and that grinding Frosted Flakes with a pestle and mortar won’t make your tits bigger. He doesn’t actually care that people are being duped into buying these products, he’s just pissed that companies are using his likeness to sell them without giving him a cut. His best advice would be switch off the TV and get off your ass, but he can’t monetize healthy living.

Photo Credit: Instagram