Emily’s Tit Hypocrisy And Shit Around The Web

By Jack September 11, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Emily Ratajkowski is so full of shit I can smell her from here. She wants to be more than a pair of tits and slams the Blurred Lines video that made her famous yet she’s still using her tits to get work. You can’t have it both ways, sweetheart.

See her use her tits to sell her brand. (Drunken Stepfather)

Check out a naked Christy Williams in the Mr. Skin minute. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Nic Cage’s son Weston is a goth freakshow. (TMZ)

Vain bitches looking hot in the mirror. (The Chive)

This is Monica Sims and these are her tits. (Hollywood Tuna)

Katy Perry in some seriously tight workout clothes. (Popoholic)

Ashley Benson wears a sheer top and it’s awesome. (Last Men On Earth)

Emily Ratajkowski Is Past Being Just a Body

By Lex September 04, 2015 @ 9:20 AM


As is the natural progression of topless models to actress, Emily Ratajkowski is now insisting that the Blurred Lines video that made her famous is the ‘bane of her existence’.

When anyone comes up to me about ‘Blurred Lines,’ I’m like, are we seriously talking about a video from three years ago?

Right. Let’s talk about your clothed role in We Are Your Friends which set the mark for third worst box office opening ever for a major studio release.

Kate Upton no longer wants to be a sex symbol. The teen girl from Modern Family had her breasts shrunk because she was sick of all the staring. These women are trying to edit their origin stories after their first million in the bank. I don’t mind rappers disowning their hood past. The hood sucks. But enormous tits are a blessing from Jehovah. Much like heterosexual marriage and Tom Brady being unsuspended. Embrace your history.  Flash your tits, And shut the fuck up. You can choose the order. You are in control.

Emily Ratajkowski Has the Power

By Lex August 21, 2015 @ 9:06 AM

Emily Ratajkowski Plunging Cleavage For "We Are Your Friends"
Women with big milky breasts can do no wrong. I want to punch people in the offal organs who mock her looks because I hear her voice in my head telling me to do so. If that voice ever commands me to kill hookers, I could see going into double digits before any soul searching. If this chick were arrested for child porn and fucking boys across state lines, we’d all talk about how lucky those second graders were. You cry duck face, I’m diving in and making babies. Let’s see whose lineage is dominating this earth two hundred years from now when the planet is half a degree warmer and gluten has created a race of autistic sea bound creatures.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Emily Ratajkowski Declares War On Women

By Matt August 21, 2015 @ 6:34 AM


Emily Ratajkowski proclaimed she isn’t really into fitness as she posed with a bucket of margaritas. That’s called rubbing it in your faces ladies. Tits and attitude, the poor man’s Double Whammy:

“I don’t have a trainer, and I don’t really go to the gym. I go on long walks and hikes with my girlfriends. That’s about it. I’m just not a crazy fitness person. I’m definitely an outlier in the industry.”

Yeah you don’t give a shit or even pretend. That’s supposed to be part of the tradeoff for having that taut midsection. Countless hours at the gym vomiting and analyzing the calorie content of semen. Your regimen of going on walks with your friends should bode well going into your thirties, once they’re all married to hedge fund guys and you’re still coasting by off those tits with the flowing sweaters. Everyone’s got to grow up sometime. I’m not talking about going to the gym, just stop needling half the population. There might be a backlash. Also, you’re lying.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Emily Ratajkowski Doesn’t Need This

By Lex July 09, 2015 @ 9:19 AM

Emily Ratajkowski Busty Bosom Barely Covered
Proving that men have a poor sense of where they sit on the reproductive food chain, there’s a meme of ‘Emily Ratajkowski is a butter face’ going around Al Gore’s Internet. If you’re taking the time to criticize this model’s face, then you’re probably just three shades of fame away from inviting Diane Sawyer to see your hope chest filled with post-op dresses. You don’t visit the Taj Mahal to note its kitchen and bathrooms need updating. We live in a Yelp reviewers society. I just had my dick sucked. I would’ve given five stars if she could’ve hummed the baseline to By-Tor and The Snow Dog. You don’t deserve, Emily Ratajkowski. C’mon, mouse face, let’s blow this joint.

Photo Credit: Revolve Clothing

Chrissy Teigen Topless Work

By Lex June 29, 2015 @ 1:48 PM

Chrissy Teigen W Magazine LB
Don’t believe the hype on LinkedIn. Your buddy the assistant IT director is just lugging monitors around the office. That chick you met at speed dating is having a work anniversary at a company that sounds suspiciously like her alone in her apartment. Yay, I didn’t fire myself. The world needs more personalized hemp greeting cards. Chrissy Teigen however is actually a model. I recommended her for the skills of nude modeling, modeling without clothes on, naked modeling, snatch patch flashing, and nipples worth watching. Also, social media expert. I do that for everybody without a real job.

Photo Credit: Mert Alas And Marcus Piggott For W Magazine