Emily Ratajkowski Topless Dirty in GQ

By Lex June 24, 2014 @ 6:26 PM

Emily Ratajkowski Poses Nude And Covered In Dirt For The July 2014 Issue Of GQ
I know the Internet has changed the definition of famous. Those guys at TMZ and CW with that inane let’s make a random family of whores famous reality show taught me so. Just a short while ago, Emily Ratajkowski was an unknown TV show extra and aspiring model. She shows off her sensational tits in a couple photoshoots, appears a boatload of times on Egotastic and some Tumblr sites, and now she’s into major magazines, including the cover of GQ magazine. GQ isn’t just any magazine, it’s the periodical that taught me how important time pieces are to my accessories checklist. This is big shit. They even brought out the special tit covering sand for the occasion. The sand doesn’t actually cover the nipples, it covers the spot where they airbrush out the nipples to make it look more realistic. Because Americans can’t handle nipples. That’s one legitimate putdown we have to somehow shake if we’re ever to make Europe cower in the hallways as we pass like the old days.

Photo Credit: GQ

Emily Ratajkowski Models Bikinis

By Lex April 08, 2014 @ 2:43 PM

Emily Ratajkowski Models Bikinis For April 2014 Shay Todd Swimwear
After that long stretch of work you put in to get a new girlfriend naked finally, there’s a feeling of disappointment when the next day she’s suddenly wrapped in a burqa and five cardigan sweaters shivering like a Serbian war crimes victim. I feel this same type of disappointment seeing Emily Ratajkowski in bikinis. We had her naked. She’s always naked. She was naked with Robin Thicke long enough to make Robin’s wife get pissed and divorce him. So now the swimsuits? No, darling, you’re great looking, but this world doesn’t spin forward if we all start walking backward.

Photo Credit: Shay Todd

Emily Ratajkowski Models Bikinis For Fox Swimwear

By Lex March 31, 2014 @ 10:57 AM

Emily Ratajkowski Models Bikinis For Fox Swimwear

Photo Credit: Fox

Emily Ratajkowski In Bikinis For Minimale Animale ‘Point Dume’ Spring 2014 Campaign

By Lex March 01, 2014 @ 3:18 AM

Emily Ratajkowski In Bikinis For Minimale Animale ‘Point Dume’ Spring 2014 Campaign

Photo Credit: Minimale Animale

Emily Ratajkowski In a Bikini for S.I.

By Lex February 18, 2014 @ 4:34 PM

Emily Ratajkowski In Bikinis For The 50th Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
Emily Ratajkowski has officially made it. Maybe that means we never get to see her tits again, the downside of her success for the rest of us. As I get older, I’ve learned to feel happy for the success of others. Still, I would like to make her her next bikini. Not guitar picks, but something more personal, like my sheath of my own flesh.

Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated

Emily Ratajkowski Flashes Her Top From a 280Z

By Lex January 20, 2014 @ 3:02 PM

Emily Ratajkowski Poses Topless For A Photo Shoot In A Car By Magdalena Wosinska
If my eyes don’t deceive me, that’s an old Datsun 280Z from the 1970′s. Yeah, I’m looking at the car. Okay, now I’m looking at Emily Ratajkowski’s tits. Shit, I might be getting old.

Photo Credit: Magdalena Wosinska