By Lex June 24, 2014 @ 6:26 PM
I know the Internet has changed the definition of famous. Those guys at TMZ and CW with that inane let’s make a random family of whores famous reality show taught me so. Just a short while ago, Emily Ratajkowski was an unknown TV show extra and aspiring model. She shows off her sensational tits in a couple photoshoots, appears a boatload of times on Egotastic and some Tumblr sites, and now she’s into major magazines, including the cover of GQ magazine. GQ isn’t just any magazine, it’s the periodical that taught me how important time pieces are to my accessories checklist. This is big shit. They even brought out the special tit covering sand for the occasion. The sand doesn’t actually cover the nipples, it covers the spot where they airbrush out the nipples to make it look more realistic. Because Americans can’t handle nipples. That’s one legitimate putdown we have to somehow shake if we’re ever to make Europe cower in the hallways as we pass like the old days.
Photo Credit: GQ
By Lex April 08, 2014 @ 2:43 PM
After that long stretch of work you put in to get a new girlfriend naked finally, there’s a feeling of disappointment when the next day she’s suddenly wrapped in a burqa and five cardigan sweaters shivering like a Serbian war crimes victim. I feel this same type of disappointment seeing Emily Ratajkowski in bikinis. We had her naked. She’s always naked. She was naked with Robin Thicke long enough to make Robin’s wife get pissed and divorce him. So now the swimsuits? No, darling, you’re great looking, but this world doesn’t spin forward if we all start walking backward.
Photo Credit: Shay Todd
By Lex March 01, 2014 @ 3:18 AM
Photo Credit: Minimale Animale
By Lex February 18, 2014 @ 4:34 PM
Emily Ratajkowski has officially made it. Maybe that means we never get to see her tits again, the downside of her success for the rest of us. As I get older, I’ve learned to feel happy for the success of others. Still, I would like to make her her next bikini. Not guitar picks, but something more personal, like my sheath of my own flesh.
Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated
By Lex January 20, 2014 @ 3:02 PM
If my eyes don’t deceive me, that’s an old Datsun 280Z from the 1970′s. Yeah, I’m looking at the car. Okay, now I’m looking at Emily Ratajkowski’s tits. Shit, I might be getting old.
Photo Credit: Magdalena Wosinska