Emily Ratajkowski’s Panda Shit Smells Amazing

By Lex December 16, 2014 @ 9:38 AM

Emily Ratajkowski Does Love Magazine Advent Calendar Screencaps
I gained nothing but respect for this chick when I saw her whacking her mons on those hacked photos that in retrospect I’m not admitting to having seen and Camille Cosby and Jerry Sandusky’s wife both believe I didn’t see. In fact, I’ve retained I’m Guilty as Fuck celebrity attorney Marty Singer to compare accusation that I’ve seen every single Fappening hacked photo to accusations that Ryan Seacrest used to blow the ‘N Sync marionettes and pray that they could be real boys. Ergo, ipso facto, it can’t possibly be true.

Photo Credit: Love Magazine

Bras Are Kaput

By Lex December 11, 2014 @ 9:23 AM

Jenna Dewan Tatum And Emily Ratajkowski Go Braless At The Hollywood Entertainers Women In Entertainment Breakfast
That hot chick who fingered her twat in The Fappening and Prancing Channing Tatum’s wife skipped the brassieres for the women’s power breakfast in Hollywood. It’s that annual event wheere the good looking women in Hollywood who aren’t legit actresses drink mimosas and pretend they’re not fucking each other’s husbands to relieve the boredom. Why cover your tits for that catty get-together? Female celebrities clearly have been chucking their bras into the dry river beds in this city for a couple years now. Those same river beds Bruce Jenner traverses after dark for some discreet second hand lingerie shopping. This is a bad day for people who hates tits but a good day for those I call friend.

Photo Credit: Getty

Emily Ratajkowski Wears Holiday Lingerie

By Lex December 01, 2014 @ 9:07 AM

Emily Ratajkowski Wears Holiday Lingerie
After office Christmas party drunken sex, holiday lingerie really is the best unintended consequence of Baby Jesus being born. I understand not everybody shares the same general liturgical point of view. Just the thought of my own special girl looking like an uncomfortable Krakow street urchin cleaned up and being forced to put on a show for the lonely SS guards. Yum. Christmas. I wish you came twice a year.

Photo Credit: Yamamay

Emily Ratajkowski in Lingerie

By Lex November 13, 2014 @ 4:48 PM

Emily Ratajkowski Poses In Lingerie For Yamamay
I’m trying to expand my personal horizons such that I can appreciate a woman in lingerie as much as seeing her diddling herself in hacked photos. It’s a matter of personal growth. The thrill of being labeled a sex offender by Jennifer Lawrence and being asked to download a spam video player on a file sharing site gives the edge to the hacked photos. But there’s something special about seeing a woman get half naked for money. It reminds me of the early part of every evening that ever went horribly wrong.

Photo Credit: Yamamay

Emily Ratajkowski Posts Bikini Picture To Twitter

By Lex October 29, 2014 @ 9:13 AM

Emily Ratajkowski Posts Bikini Picture To Twitter

Photo Credit: Twitter

Emily Ratajkowski Is In Cosmo

By Lex September 30, 2014 @ 10:29 AM

Emily Ratajkowski Poses For Cosmopolitan
It’s hard to take a woman as seriously after seeing her plunder her own sweaty parts in dozens of hacked private photos. Curse you explicit candid photos of attractive women. How can I take this chick’s posing in magazines or dancing topless in music videos work seriously knowing what she looks like frigging herself in bed? It’s like watching Hilary Clinton drop a deuce. Can I vote for an infernal nanny shrew after seeing her plotz? Nay.

Photo Credit: Cosmopolitan