Chrissy Teigen Topless Work

By Lex June 29, 2015 @ 1:48 PM

Chrissy Teigen W Magazine LB
Don’t believe the hype¬†on LinkedIn. Your buddy the assistant IT director is just lugging monitors around the office. That chick you met at speed dating is having a work anniversary at a company that sounds suspiciously like her alone in her apartment. Yay, I didn’t fire myself. The world needs more personalized hemp greeting cards. Chrissy Teigen however is actually a model. I recommended her for the skills of nude modeling, modeling without clothes on, naked modeling, snatch patch flashing, and nipples¬†worth watching. Also, social media expert. I do that for everybody without a real job.

Photo Credit: Mert Alas And Marcus Piggott For W Magazine

Emily Ratajkowski Topless in Polaroids

By Lex April 07, 2015 @ 12:31 PM

Emily Ratajkowski Big Busty Topless Star Of Jonathan Leders Limited Edition Photobook
This chick is winning everything. She didn’t have to fork over any of the seven million from Robin Thicke ripping off Marvin Gaye, but still got instant famous in the video. She got to bare her tits in the overrated Ben Affleck movie last year and call it cinematic art. Her yeast infections probably produce perfect loaves of raisin challah. Life entirely opens up to you when you have fabulous tits. I wouldn’t speak that aloud at a girl scout inspirational conference, but I’d encourage the troop leader to pass it along via the game of telephone. Maybe it is just a random stroke of genetic fortune. Maybe God has a special plan for you. You have lots of time to ponder such questions when you’re sunbathing in Curacao and girls with much smaller tits are bringing you drinks.

Photo Credit: Jonathan Leder

Emily Ratajkowski In Valentine’s Lingerie

By Lex February 04, 2015 @ 9:06 AM

Emily Ratajkowski Wears Purple Lingerie For Yamamay Saint Valentines Day  Collection
If your girlfriend has tits like Emily Ratajkowski, you’re going to want to buy her this lingerie for Valentine’s Day. Also, take her somewhere remote where GPS doesn’t work or some swarthy dude in a Benz is going to the one she models it for. Romance is an invention of the ugly people. Don’t dismay, just plan ahead. Make a sex tape before she realizes she can do better.

Photo Credit: Yamamay Saint Valentine’s Day Collection

Emily Ratajkowski Understands Instagram

By Lex January 23, 2015 @ 2:06 PM

Emily Ratajkowski Has A Good Instagram
This actress turned nude model turned actress with suddenly much better roles knows exactly how to play the game. Play the topless dancer in the song Robin Thicke borrowed from Marvin Gaye. Take a bath on Instagram. Be the Fappening chick who frigs herself so furiously that nearby tinder ignites. Let your vagina dance like nobody’s watching. You shall be our queen.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Emily Ratajkowski Models Lingerie For H&M

By Lex January 07, 2015 @ 11:46 AM

Emily Ratajkowski Models Lingerie For HM

Photo Credit: H&M Lingerie

Emily Ratajkowski’s Panda Shit Smells Amazing

By Lex December 16, 2014 @ 9:38 AM

Emily Ratajkowski Does Love Magazine Advent Calendar Screencaps
I gained nothing but respect for this chick when I saw her whacking her mons on those hacked photos that in retrospect I’m not admitting to having seen and Camille Cosby and Jerry Sandusky’s wife both believe I didn’t see. In fact, I’ve retained I’m Guilty as Fuck celebrity attorney Marty Singer to compare accusation that I’ve seen every single Fappening hacked photo to accusations that Ryan Seacrest used to blow the ‘N Sync marionettes and pray that they could be real boys. Ergo, ipso facto, it can’t possibly be true.

Photo Credit: Love Magazine