Topless FEMEN Protester Taken Downtown

By Lex April 27, 2015 @ 10:44 AM

The good soldier walks a lonely road. This blond chick was cast out FEMEN for having tits a man might desire. She went rogue at a protest over the Spanish Prime Minister outlawing abortions or taxing tampons like soda or something. A desperate attempt to get the girls at the clubhouse to take her back. Decals on your tits? This is why you were cast out in the first place. Police swooped in and neutralized this lone wolf. Spain is once again safe to pretend it’s ham don’t stink.

Photo Credit: Getty

A Priest, an Imam, and a Rabbi Walk Into a Bar

By Lex March 16, 2015 @ 12:35 PM

FEMEN Activists On International Womens Day
I hate being the guy to point out that the more clever FEMEN becomes, the less attractive their activists. But I don’t mind the heavy lifting. It’s statistically challenging to find hot smart chicks who will bare their Sharpie marked up tits in public. Just imagine that Craigslist Paris ad for that no-pay gig. Smarmy crickets. On International Women’s Day, the all god’s creatures are beautiful girls of FEMEN took to the streets of the French capital to protest religion. Outside of L.A. Wiccan, organized religion has never been kind to homely ladies. You hide your face and we fuck through a sheet are not rules men make up for SI models. I don’t know what these women want, but I hope they get it. Anything to make them smile.

Photo Credit: Getty

FEMEN Vs. Zuckerberg, Not A Fair Fight

By Lex March 04, 2015 @ 11:56 AM

Femen Activists Protest At The Entrance Of The 2015 Mobile World Congress During The Opening Day In Barcelona
The ever-boisterous garden club ladies of FEMEN were protesting in Barcelona outside some tech conference where Mark Zuckerberg was set to announce that he owns all you bitches, drop the mic, and depart through the ceiling in his four city block sized hovercraft. The topless feminists are pissed that Facebook is censoring their topless protest pictures. They obviously see it as political, oblivious to Zuck’s massive phobia surrounding engorged breasts and female genitalia. He’s not gay, he’s just super weird and has a shit ton of money, which means you’re not going to win. The man doesn’t want nipples in his house, there will be no nipples. Without passing any value judgements, my eyes and balls tell me this is the FEMEN B-team. I’m not sure they had their heart in this one.

Photo Credit: Getty

FEMEN Protests Laws Banning FEMEN

By Lex February 27, 2015 @ 12:39 PM

The Bare Breasted Activists Knowns As Femen Protest For Spain
The way in which European nations teeter between socialism and totalitarianism amuses me. Mostly because I don’t have to live there. In France, there are two parties. The Let Muslims In So What If they Kill a Few Jews Party and the Kill All The Muslims, The Jews Can Go Next Party. In Spain the government doesn’t appreciate its citizens protesting what a shitty job it’s doing with its financial collapse so it passed a bunch of laws saying you can’t publicly say what a shitty job they’re doing. You can’t protest in the streets or carry signs or take pictures of anybody protesting or carrying signs. And you definitely can’t run down the street with your tits bouncing screaming about the new laws preventing you from doing so. They’re not having much luck against these flapjacked Women’s Studies majors. I doubt they’ll do much better with the public at large. Spain will never be Russia. Just too much nice weather and beaches and good food and wine. Fascist domination isn’t that important when you can eat cured meats and bang chicks with tan lines.

Photo Credit: Getty

Dominique Strauss-Kahn Faces FEMEN

By Lex February 13, 2015 @ 1:39 PM

FEMEN Activists Protest While Topless For France Trial
I love a good intersection of super fucking annoying people story lines. Dominique Strauss-Kahn is that old dude who was going to be French President but then he forced a maid in a New York Hotel to blow him so he got bumped down to head of the International Monetary Fund. That’s a tough price for a little rape. Now he’s on trial in France for hiring prostitutes and throwing co-ed lemon parties on the regular. Which seems so French I can’t believe it’s actually illegal in France. Or that feminists would be pissed about it. I thought they supported a woman’s right to choose. Even if that choice is taking rough dick from a bunch of self-impressed geezer politicians with old money and a shit ton of Viagra. The topless protestors wrote some silly referential shit on their tits and climbed atop Strauss-Kahn’s car as he made his way to trial. He probably stroked a freebie out in his ride. That’s just how DSK rolls.

Photo Credit: Getty

FEMEN Protestor Snatches Baby Jesus

By Lex December 29, 2014 @ 10:33 AM


Everybody loves a good abortion. But do you love it enough to snatch up the Baby Jesus at the Vatican manger scene on Christmas and make a run for it? You’re inevitably going to be arrested by a dude with a cape and thrown in a medieval dungeon for forty years. Actually, they let the FEMEN abortion rights protestor go after 24 hours when the lay guards became super uncomfortable with a woman reciting the names of Saints she’d like to take in her liberated vagina. These strident euro feminists aren’t settling for bogus campus rape stories or pretending Lena Dunham is witty, they’re penning stupid shit on their tits and going right where old rich white men are plotting to take away their right to freshen up their uteri with suction and a rinse. It’s hard not to admire topless chicks with enormous balls.


Photo credit: Getty Images