FEMEN Protestor Snatches Baby Jesus

By Lex December 29, 2014 @ 10:33 AM

Baby-Jesus-at-the-Vatican

Everybody loves a good abortion. But do you love it enough to snatch up the Baby Jesus at the Vatican manger scene on Christmas and make a run for it? You’re inevitably going to be arrested by a dude with a cape and thrown in a medieval dungeon for forty years. Actually, they let the FEMEN abortion rights protestor go after 24 hours when the lay guards became super uncomfortable with a woman reciting the names of Saints she’d like to take in her liberated vagina. These strident euro feminists aren’t settling for bogus campus rape stories or pretending Lena Dunham is witty, they’re penning stupid shit on their tits and going right where old rich white men are plotting to take away their right to freshen up their uteri with suction and a rinse. It’s hard not to admire topless chicks with enormous balls.

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Photo credit: Getty Images

FEMEN Protestors At The Vatican

By Lex November 19, 2014 @ 10:20 AM

FEMEN Protestors At The Vatican
You adapt or you die. The FEMEN protestors added coordinated dance moves and miming of Christ on the cross fucking them up their poop traps for their latest Vatican protest. The Pope is not a politician they yelped as onlookers tried to figure out what the fuck they were talking about and if any of the protestors were good looking enough to keep watching or it it was time for gelato. While feminists in the U.S. are busy adding excessive hyperlinks to their tirades in HuffPo blogs, these European freedom fighters are taking their crazy to the street. If you’re looking for bitter flat chested women to admire, this is your group.

Photo Credit: Getty

Leadership

By Lex October 13, 2014 @ 3:35 PM

Christmas-is-Canceled-FEMEN

Most things go to shit for lack of leadership. I’m not sure why people who lack intestinal fortitude seek positions of power in the first place. Probably some psychological explanation beyond my introduction to Freud. I don’t care if it’s Ebola, NFL domestic abuse, Jihadi nutjobs, or telling fat kids to get outside and run some fucking laps, a bunch of people in positions of power lack grip in their nut sack. You being loved is not going to save the world, soft-serve Superman.

That’s why I admire this chick. Inna Shevchenko. She’s the leader of those Euro-harpies who write unintelligible feminist shit on their chest and shriek topless through public events. I’m sure we wouldn’t agree on a single subject short of how sweet pussy tastes while nursing a taser wound. But I admire her spunk. She’s fucking Braveheart. She’s no shrinking violet incapacitated by fear of offending key stakeholders. She just bitch fucked the stakeholders and shot cum back in their eye. She sets her tits into the wind and sets sail for the land of no compromise. She knows exactly who she is. Christmas is canceled, motherfuckers.

It would be wonderful if we are able to give this crazy bitch all the power she needs to accomplish the things she needs to.

Photo credit: Getty Images 

FEMEN Boobs Activate in London

By Lex July 08, 2014 @ 12:28 PM

FEMEN Girls Protest Topless At Parliament Square In London

The FEMEN sorority house just opened up a U.K. chapter and the London pledges were tasked to spin the wheel of virulent causes to select their first assignment. The wheel landed on FGM. That’s Female Genital Mutilation. Despite it being illegal, thousands of British girls of African lineage are still having their genitals carved up to please the tree gods and ensure sexual purity. Nobody in British government seems to want to do shit about it because FGM lies smack dab at the intersection of vaginas and cultural sensitivity. Both topics kind of make the Brits queasy and want to look the other way. You know who doesn’t look the other way? The super pissed off superheroes of FEMEN who threw their angry inked up tits into the streets ahead of the 3rd stage of the Tour de France screaming ‘Stop FGM!’. I guess I  didn’t know the Tour de France started in England. I stopped watching when they nabbed one-nut Lance for doping. I also didn’t know Western nations don’t crack down enough on this ancient tribal shit. It’s pretty damn foul. Maybe it’s time to recognize we have something to learn from small chested topless screeching harpies in the public square.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

FEMEN Members Suck Dildos Because They Care

By Lex June 09, 2014 @ 2:26 PM

FEMEN Members Protest With Dildos In Brussels
Before their French twist, FEMEN was pretty much your standard awkward titty feminists with angry slogans shrieking outside an economic summit or pro-life institution or McDonald’s in Bucharest. Now, they’ve got wigs and props and somebody who learned how to write passable naughty English phrases. I don’t care whose side you’re on in this debate over whatever the hell it is that has your boy shorts  in a bunch, if you see a couple dozen topless girls sucking dildos with slogans on the ground in Brussels, you’re going to look. You’ll read some anti-G7, anti-Putin shit on a plastic cock and maybe, just maybe, you’ll challenge some of your longstanding beliefs on geopolitics. It’s unfortunate that women have to get naked in public just to be heard, though it’s unclear as to unfortunate for whom.

Photo Credit: Getty

FEMEN Protesters Frenched Up

By Lex May 30, 2014 @ 3:11 PM

Topless Members Of FEMEN Protest A Front National Polling Station In Henin-Beaumont
I’m a big supporter of the causes and concerns that the angry Ukrainian Feminist topless protestors shout about while covered in fake blood and slogan scribble. I don’t speak Esperanto, so I admittedly don’t actually know what they’re pissed about, but in a battle of angry topless women versus I don’t know who the fuck you’re angry at, I know which side to take. Since setting up their new girls only central command in Paris, the girls have stepped up their game in terms of costume and staged drama. I hope they don’t get too lost in the medium and keep shrieking their message. The world needs more abortions and less dams now more than ever.

Photo Credit: Getty