FEMEN Have Lost Their Way

By Lex June 23, 2015 @ 1:35 PM

FEMEN Topless Protest In France
FEMEN might be victims of their own success. Like any franchise operation, it’s a struggle keep the satellite entities in tune with the strident feminist agenda during periods of rapid expansion. Franchisees can easily go rogue. This group of titty painted protestors in France found themselves denouncing a law that fines johns for soliciting prostitution. I’m not sure that got routed through central for approval.

In France it’s always been okay for men to seek out prostitutes provided the sex was stale and neither side experienced joy. Also, chain smoking and home remedy abortions. Now, they want to bill busted husbands $500 for the pleasure of licking dirty nylons. The local FEMEN chapter penned some shit on their tits, packed some dry sandwiches, and off they went. This is what ultimately killed Radio Shack. Get your shit together, ladies. This globe doesn’t spin right without angry topless women screaming their heads off.

Photo Credit: Getty

FEMEN Protestors Protested

By Lex June 04, 2015 @ 1:03 PM

It’s like looking in a mirror facing a mirror and seeing your reflection an infinity times over. A couple FEMEN protestors hit Morocco to protest the treatment of homosexuals in the country of largely homosexual hating faith based and were met with a protest of their own. Apparently, the locals didn’t take well to having the Vassar dorm girls European edition parachuting topless into Rabat and screaming shit at the top of their lungs. I can see that being off-putting even if you’re one of five people in the country openly pushing for expanded civil rights.

The FEMEN girls were arrested by monkeys in fez hats and police suits and await extradition to France where they will be simultaneously praised as heroes and gazed at silently with extreme disappointment. Throngs of Moroccan protestors, men and women, young and old, took to the streets with glue sticks and bad Xerox photos to counter-protest FEMEN. Then they ran into various nicely decorated houses and pulled rumored buggerers into the street and lit them on fire, spreading their ashes on the ground to spell out the phrase, FEMEN GO HOME. Everybody has their tactics. these college feminists think yelling and flashing their tits is extreme. Welcome to North Africa.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Topless FEMEN Protester Taken Downtown

By Lex April 27, 2015 @ 10:44 AM

The good soldier walks a lonely road. This blond chick was cast out FEMEN for having tits a man might desire. She went rogue at a protest over the Spanish Prime Minister outlawing abortions or taxing tampons like soda or something. A desperate attempt to get the girls at the clubhouse to take her back. Decals on your tits? This is why you were cast out in the first place. Police swooped in and neutralized this lone wolf. Spain is once again safe to pretend it’s ham don’t stink.

Photo Credit: Getty

A Priest, an Imam, and a Rabbi Walk Into a Bar

By Lex March 16, 2015 @ 12:35 PM

FEMEN Activists On International Womens Day
I hate being the guy to point out that the more clever FEMEN becomes, the less attractive their activists. But I don’t mind the heavy lifting. It’s statistically challenging to find hot smart chicks who will bare their Sharpie marked up tits in public. Just imagine that Craigslist Paris ad for that no-pay gig. Smarmy crickets. On International Women’s Day, the all god’s creatures are beautiful girls of FEMEN took to the streets of the French capital to protest religion. Outside of L.A. Wiccan, organized religion has never been kind to homely ladies. You hide your face and we fuck through a sheet are not rules men make up for SI models. I don’t know what these women want, but I hope they get it. Anything to make them smile.

Photo Credit: Getty

FEMEN Vs. Zuckerberg, Not A Fair Fight

By Lex March 04, 2015 @ 11:56 AM

Femen Activists Protest At The Entrance Of The 2015 Mobile World Congress During The Opening Day In Barcelona
The ever-boisterous garden club ladies of FEMEN were protesting in Barcelona outside some tech conference where Mark Zuckerberg was set to announce that he owns all you bitches, drop the mic, and depart through the ceiling in his four city block sized hovercraft. The topless feminists are pissed that Facebook is censoring their topless protest pictures. They obviously see it as political, oblivious to Zuck’s massive phobia surrounding engorged breasts and female genitalia. He’s not gay, he’s just super weird and has a shit ton of money, which means you’re not going to win. The man doesn’t want nipples in his house, there will be no nipples. Without passing any value judgements, my eyes and balls tell me this is the FEMEN B-team. I’m not sure they had their heart in this one.

Photo Credit: Getty

FEMEN Protests Laws Banning FEMEN

By Lex February 27, 2015 @ 12:39 PM

The Bare Breasted Activists Knowns As Femen Protest For Spain
The way in which European nations teeter between socialism and totalitarianism amuses me. Mostly because I don’t have to live there. In France, there are two parties. The Let Muslims In So What If they Kill a Few Jews Party and the Kill All The Muslims, The Jews Can Go Next Party. In Spain the government doesn’t appreciate its citizens protesting what a shitty job it’s doing with its financial collapse so it passed a bunch of laws saying you can’t publicly say what a shitty job they’re doing. You can’t protest in the streets or carry signs or take pictures of anybody protesting or carrying signs. And you definitely can’t run down the street with your tits bouncing screaming about the new laws preventing you from doing so. They’re not having much luck against these flapjacked Women’s Studies majors. I doubt they’ll do much better with the public at large. Spain will never be Russia. Just too much nice weather and beaches and good food and wine. Fascist domination isn’t that important when you can eat cured meats and bang chicks with tan lines.

Photo Credit: Getty