FEMEN Wins Court Case In Paris

By Lex November 10, 2015 @ 12:27 PM

FEMEN Wins Court Case In Paris
The lovely ladies of FEMEN cheered in a French court as they were acquitted of all charged related to running their naked tits over the antiquities of Notre Dame Cathedral in protest of something super important nobody remembers. It was written on their tits in felt pen if you want to go back and look. This was considered a very French decision as the judges agreed that surly women without real jobs were to be granted great leeway in their public behavior. You start jailing women in France for screaming and breaking shit and there’s nobody left to run the tobacco shops. We do the same thing here n the U.S. with good looking women with nice tits. Go visit a women’s penitentiary. Stay until you see a girl who could’ve made varsity cheerleading. See you never.

Photo Credit: Getty

FEMEN Topless Fountain Takeover

By Lex July 06, 2015 @ 11:44 AM

FEMEN Topless Protest Of Gag Law In Spain
The stout faction of the FEMEN army seized control of a fountain sculpture declaring themselves ensconced until the Spanish government reverses its Gag Laws banning people from complaining about how shitty the Spanish government is. It’s kind of hard not to root for these girls your well-meaning grandma tried to set you up with when she was worried you might be gay. Governments shouldn’t have the same power as parents to tell their kids to shut the fuck up or they’re going to their room. Or, you know, prison. Topless go fugly early chicks screaming through bullhorns may be the last chance of the Spanish Les Miserables to express their displeasure. There are a handful of countries in Europe facing the future of being Greece Part Deux. You’re at a fork in the road. Are you backing the Draconian central government or are you backing the thunder thighs of University of Madrid Women’s Rugby Team? You can curse God later for your lack of options.

Photo Credit: Getty

FEMEN Have Lost Their Way

By Lex June 23, 2015 @ 1:35 PM

FEMEN Topless Protest In France
FEMEN might be victims of their own success. Like any franchise operation, it’s a struggle keep the satellite entities in tune with the strident feminist agenda during periods of rapid expansion. Franchisees can easily go rogue. This group of titty painted protestors in France found themselves denouncing a law that fines johns for soliciting prostitution. I’m not sure that got routed through central for approval.

In France it’s always been okay for men to seek out prostitutes provided the sex was stale and neither side experienced joy. Also, chain smoking and home remedy abortions. Now, they want to bill busted husbands $500 for the pleasure of licking dirty nylons. The local FEMEN chapter penned some shit on their tits, packed some dry sandwiches, and off they went. This is what ultimately killed Radio Shack. Get your shit together, ladies. This globe doesn’t spin right without angry topless women screaming their heads off.

Photo Credit: Getty

FEMEN Protestors Protested

By Lex June 04, 2015 @ 1:03 PM

It’s like looking in a mirror facing a mirror and seeing your reflection an infinity times over. A couple FEMEN protestors hit Morocco to protest the treatment of homosexuals in the country of largely homosexual hating faith based and were met with a protest of their own. Apparently, the locals didn’t take well to having the Vassar dorm girls European edition parachuting topless into Rabat and screaming shit at the top of their lungs. I can see that being off-putting even if you’re one of five people in the country openly pushing for expanded civil rights.

The FEMEN girls were arrested by monkeys in fez hats and police suits and await extradition to France where they will be simultaneously praised as heroes and gazed at silently with extreme disappointment. Throngs of Moroccan protestors, men and women, young and old, took to the streets with glue sticks and bad Xerox photos to counter-protest FEMEN. Then they ran into various nicely decorated houses and pulled rumored buggerers into the street and lit them on fire, spreading their ashes on the ground to spell out the phrase, FEMEN GO HOME. Everybody has their tactics. these college feminists think yelling and flashing their tits is extreme. Welcome to North Africa.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Topless FEMEN Protester Taken Downtown

By Lex April 27, 2015 @ 10:44 AM

The good soldier walks a lonely road. This blond chick was cast out FEMEN for having tits a man might desire. She went rogue at a protest over the Spanish Prime Minister outlawing abortions or taxing tampons like soda or something. A desperate attempt to get the girls at the clubhouse to take her back. Decals on your tits? This is why you were cast out in the first place. Police swooped in and neutralized this lone wolf. Spain is once again safe to pretend it’s ham don’t stink.

Photo Credit: Getty

A Priest, an Imam, and a Rabbi Walk Into a Bar

By Lex March 16, 2015 @ 12:35 PM

FEMEN Activists On International Womens Day
I hate being the guy to point out that the more clever FEMEN becomes, the less attractive their activists. But I don’t mind the heavy lifting. It’s statistically challenging to find hot smart chicks who will bare their Sharpie marked up tits in public. Just imagine that Craigslist Paris ad for that no-pay gig. Smarmy crickets. On International Women’s Day, the all god’s creatures are beautiful girls of FEMEN took to the streets of the French capital to protest religion. Outside of L.A. Wiccan, organized religion has never been kind to homely ladies. You hide your face and we fuck through a sheet are not rules men make up for SI models. I don’t know what these women want, but I hope they get it. Anything to make them smile.

Photo Credit: Getty