By brendon November 30, 2012 @ 6:37 PM
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner drove their $100,000 Tesla Model S to get 2 dozen donuts from Krispy Kreme in Santa Monica today, and braved the rain to do it, so I assume they were stoned off their ass. That’s the only time 24 donuts from Krispy Kreme sounds like a good idea.
Not only that, but on her way out, Garner signed a petition to murder Girl Scouts. You heard it here first: Jennifer Garner is a violent drug addict!
Just like they do every year, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner brought their daughters to a 4th of July parade yesterday, and I can’t believe it but this one was in Pacific Palisades. It totally looks like a Boston parade. Where you’d hear Dropkick Murphys ‘The State Of Massachusetts’ at least 10 times, and at one point the guy in the Red Sox cap in front of Ben would lean in and say, “I swear to fahkin Gahd B, if that fahkin dahkie looks at me one more time Ima throw him a fahkin beatin.”
(image source = fame/flynet)
By brendon October 07, 2011 @ 6:00 PM
Jennifer Garner visited her daughters school in Santa Monica today, and despite the fact that she’s an instantly recognizable actress who is married to a very famous actor, when they gave her a sticker to wear as a name tag, she actually wore it (it says “Jennifer Affleck” if you cant tell).
And yes I realize that’s completely normal behavior and that’s the point. In Hollywood that’s astounding. Do you really think someone like Jennifer Aniston would do this? She’d rather die. Unless you wrote Jennifer Pitt on it, in which case she’d put it on immediately and then curl up on the floor and cry. Hahaha! We should do that! I hate that bitch!
(image source = fame)
By brendon August 23, 2011 @ 6:08 PM
LADY GAGA – will play herself on ‘The Simpsons’, “to cheer up a dejected Lisa through the power of speech, song, and a flash mob.” The message being: if you’re feeling low, try annoying the hell out of people. (ew)
WILL SMITH AND JADA PINKETT – were reportedly broken up, but this morning Wills son Trey tweeted that it wasn’t true, and now they’ve issued a statement saying, “Although we are reluctant to respond to these types of press reports, the rumors circulating about our relationship are completely false. We are still together, and our marriage is intact.” Oohh. “Intact”. What a romantic word. I guess things really are going great. “My wife is very suitable”, Will went on to explain. (twitter, access hollywood)
MEGAN FOX – confirmed that she’s having the tattoo on her forearm of Marilyn Monroe removed, saying, “She was a negative person, she was disturbed, bipolar. I do not want to attract this kind of negative energy in my life.” Oh relax Megan. It’s not Ed Gein for Christs sake. (us)
BEN AFFLECK AND JENNIFER GARNER – are expecting their third child to go along with their daughters Violet, 5, and Seraphina, 2. No word yet on if its a boy or a girl, or what stripper/wish granting cartoon mouse they’ll name them after. (people)
Ben Affleck is from Boston of course, which is probably the most patriotic city we have, so of course he took his kids to the 4th of July parade in Brentwood on Monday. What’s surprising is that Jennifer Garner went along with him, because she’s from West Virginia, and people from West Virginia are communist sympathizers who hate America more than anything. I also heard they steal.
Speaking of Boston, that’s where I’ve been for the last 5 days. The plan was to post as normal but it turns out that Boston is absolutely awesome, and once I realized that I told the plan to go fuck itself. Everything is back to normal tomorrow though. Sweet dreams everyone.
1. Ben Affleck and Blake Lively were co-stars in ‘the Town’.
2. While filming ‘the Town’, there was a rumor that Affleck was cheating on Jennifer Garner with Blake.
3. In the naked pictures of Blake that leaked this week, she has a temporary star tattoo on her neck, which was there for her character in ‘the Town’. Meaning she took the naked pictures, either for herself or someone else, while making the movie.
4. Affleck and Garner were in Brentwood yesterday, and now he has a black eye.
5. In this picture, Garner is looking back toward Affleck and his hands are close together. As if he pulled them in because he was flinching, similar to what people do if they think they’re about to get hit (again).
Conclusion: Ben Affleck is in an abusive relationship with Jennifer Garner. She hits him and he cries. Jennifer saw the pictures of Blake, knew they were taken for Ben and so she beat him up. And then he hid in the closet on the floor and called Matt Damon, and Matt said, “you have to leave her this time, you promised you would!” And through his tears Ben whispered, “I can’t, she’ll kill me if I try to leave!” Oh that poor man! Won’t someone help him!
(image source = fame)