‘Toddlers and Tiaras’ is often criticized for the way the pageants featured on the show sexualize children, but that shouldn’t be an issue with tonights new episode starring a 3-year-old girl dressed up as a prostitute.
Oh wait never mind.
As it happens, it’s not just any prostitute. Technically, it’s Julia Roberts’ streetwalker-with-a-heart-of-gold character from Pretty Woman—though not, unfortunately, after her character is redeemed by Richard Gere and takes to wearing full-coverage dresses and fancy jewels.
Umm, well he’s still paying her at that point too, so I’m not so sure it counts as a redemption unless your idea of an empowering movie for girls is one about how to increase their profit margins as a prostitute.
Julia Roberts and her husband Danny Moder were on the beach in Kauai, Hawaii, yesterday, and the good news is that these are only pictures so you don’t have to listen to Julia cackle like a god damn hyena. The bad news is that her lumpy physique has been smushed into a bikini. This looks like a private beach, probably because they went to a public beach first and everyone started boo’ing. “Boooo, you suck, get out’a here,” the crowd no doubt yelled when Julia took off her shirt.
Oh but at least we get a good shot of her sexy “tramp stamp” tattoo, featuring the names of her 3 kids (better shot here, though “better” might not be the right word). Because you know what’s really hot when you have a girl on her hands and knees and you’re drilling her from behind? Being reminded of her 3 kids.
If you were to open a popular ladies magazine in England today and see this ad for Lancome cosmetics, you might shriek, “Is that supposed to be Julia Roberts? Why does she look so young? Am I back in 1995? What have you done to me, popular ladies magazine? When am I?!?!”
But don’t blame the magazine. It just turns out that Lancome makes moisturizer, not magic potions. The Guardian says…
L’Oréal has been forced to pull ad campaigns featuring Julia Roberts (after complaints) that the images were overly airbrushed.
The ASA ruled that both ads breached the advertising standards code for exaggeration and being misleading and banned them from future publication.
L’Oréal’s two-page ad featuring Roberts, who is the face of Lancôme, promoting a foundation called Teint Miracle, which it claims creates a “natural light” that emanates from beautiful skin.
(But) images of both celebrities had been digitally manipulated and were “not representative of the results the product could achieve”.
It’s no surprise that a cosmetics company would exaggerate, but they were just begging to get caught by trying this with Julia Roberts. Or will their lotion fix your teeth too? Her crows feet are so bad she wears sunglasses constantly, even at night. Even at night, indoors.
Here’s a side-by-side of Lancomes “Julia Roberts” and Realitys Julia Roberts at the premiere of ‘Larry Crowne’ two weeks ago. “Julia Roberts” looks 19. Lancome might as well claim they can reanimate the dead. Either they’re lying or it’s made with the tears of a Phoenix.
Oh, hey look, a Julia Roberts story. Gee, I wonder if she’s acting like a mean old bitch again? Oh whatever could the answer be. I bet it’s surprising!
Like a fierce lioness protecting her cubs, Julia Roberts confronted a photographer — getting right into his face — after she spotted him snapping pictures of her family in Los Angeles this week.
The incident happened Monday as Roberts, 43, walked with her husband Danny Moder and her three children – 6-year-old twins Hazel Patricia Moder and Phinnaeus “Finn” Walter Moder and 3-year-old Henry Daniel Moder.
Ok for some reason this Radar article kisses Julias ass the entire time, even while detailing the other times she’s pulled the exact same crap. If you need any more proof that she’s an idiot, take another look at those kids names. Christ, it’s like being in a story about talking mice who teach us the spirit of Christmas.
Julia Roberts is a mean old bitch (as best illustrated in this email from her neighbor in Malibu) and you can tell as much in this commercial for an Italian coffee company that she got $1.5 million for.
First of all, she couldn’t be bothered to say even one word, which by the end makes things really awkward and uncomfortable. Say something dummy! What are you, autistic? It’s probably because she’s too dumb to say anything in Italian, even “pizza” or something like that, without fucking it up beyond all comprehension. She would say “PIE-tza” with that insufferable drawl and then cackle like an asshole for 10 minutes. So the director was like, “ok dipshit can you at least stand there and not fall down? Holy Christ it’s like working with a monkey.”
But that’s the off camera stuff. The commercial itself is about Julia being hired to do a job but she’s gonna pout and not do it until everyone kisses her ass and caters to her every whim. Oh, gee, I wonder how they came up with that idea.
From the day it was announced, it was always assumed that “Eat, Pray, Love” was gonna be huge. It had Julia Roberts cackling like an asshole, bike rides, hunks with unplaceable accents, and pasta. Women love that shit. It was rock solid. There was literally no room for improvement. And yet…
It’s the battle of the sexes this weekend, and the outcome is not likely to inspire any feminists, as Sylvester Stallone’s action hero mash-up The Expendables is set to rule over Julia Roberts’ year-long trek in Eat Pray Love.
And then there’s ‘Scott Pilgrim vs The World’, currently getting an 80 on rotten tomatoes, well above ‘The Expendables’ 43 and the 37 for ‘Eat, Pray, Love’.
It’s all a matter of personal preference of course, but only one new movie has a middle aged women struggling to button her pants, then sitting perfectly still, then tearing down the walls around her heart, so I think you know where to find me this weekend.
