By Lex April 16, 2013 @ 12:34 PM
I was going to write about Kat Von D and how I used to think she was cool until she tattooed Jesse James on her body, then lasered him off, because she’s an idiot, and getting tattoos of every man you screw is a really bad habit. But now I can’t take my eyes off her ill-fitting body suit and an ass that belongs at a behind-the-service-station gentleman’s club. Shit is really falling apart. But, fear not, Kat has a book. Like every celebrity female tell-all, it might as well be called Lessons Learned from Banging Dudes I Shouldn’t Have. Other women gladly pay $19.95 to eat that lamentation up. If a guy whines about the women he’s slept with, other guys just kick him in the bobos and tell him to STFU. As it should be. Jesus, that ass.
Photo Credit: PCN
By brendon November 14, 2011 @ 12:55 PM
The reason Jesse James was available to get engaged to Kat Von D was because he cheated on Sandra Bullock dozens of times and she divorced him. And Kat knew this of course, but she thought she could change him. Let’s check her facebook and see how that’s going!
“Today I encountered the 19th girl to add to the list of people Jesse cheated on me with during this last year.”
Oh ok. So I guess not very well. Wait is she implying she’s met all 19 women? How the hell does that happen? Do girls just walk up and tell her they banged her fiance? Because that seems rude.
(image source of Kat at the Grove with her dad = wenn)
By brendon August 19, 2011 @ 12:07 PM
ANGELINA JOLIE AND BRAD PITT – have moved their family into a 16th century mansion in Glasgow, Scotland. Thanks to Zahara, the area around their house is now known as, “the black neighborhood.” (people)
KAT VON D AND JESSE JAMES – are apparently engaged again. “Come to think of it we’re not that great is this is probably the best we’re gonna do,” they no doubt reasoned correctly. (huff post)
ROBERT DOWNEY JR – will produce a movie about the sinking of the USS Indianapolis, which is one of the scariest true stories I can think of. Cliff Notes: in 1945, after delivering the uranium for the atomic bomb that was dropped on Hiroshima 10 days later, it was sunk by a Japanese torpedo. 330 crewman died, 880 went into the water. Over the next 4 days, 554 of those 880 died, mostly because they were dragged under one by one and eaten by sharks. Which is how I hope I die. It sounds peaceful. (thr)
KIM KARDASHIAN – revealed the dress she’ll wear at her wedding this Saturday on a wax figure at Madame Tussauds in Hollywood. It was really touching. What could be more romantic than to see your wifes wedding gown for the first time in between mannequins of Donkey Kong and Chris Jericho. (e!, wenn)
By brendon August 18, 2011 @ 4:49 PM
Kat Von D is having a kick ass summer. Not only did her engagement to Jesse James end (reportedly because he was cheating on her) just days after she got his portrait tatted on her side, but now TLC has cancelled her TV show.
“TLC has decided that the current season of LA Ink will be its last. The network is proud of what the series has accomplished in its four seasons, following Kat Von D’s journey as an artist from Miami to Los Angeles. The series finale will air September 15th at 10 p.m.”
Holy shit. On Monday they cancelled ‘Kate Plus 8′ and now this. Someone at TLC must have wiki’d themselves and discovered what the “L” stands for. Calling this ‘the Learning Channel’ is the most deceptive description since McDonalds put the word “fancy” on their packets of ketchup. I don’t know if they’re just being sarcastic or what but I don’t appreciate it.
(note: and yes I realize this is my first post of the day and it 5-fucking-o-clock. oh, believe me, i know. it’s a long story. but sorry about that)
By brendon July 26, 2011 @ 10:39 AM
You can’t watch TLC for more than 10 minutes without seeing a commercial for ‘LA Ink’ with Kat Von D and Jesse James talking about their engagement and how they make their long distance relationship work, but just as TLC once implied you might Learn something by watching their Channel, that’s all sort of gone to hell.
Kat went on her twitter last night and wrote…
“I am no longer w Jesse, and out of respect for him, his family and myself, thats all the info I’d like to share. Thanks for respecting that.”
Thankfully People did not respect that and shared more info.
“I’m so sad because I really love her,” James (says). “The distance between us was just too much.”
James, 42, and the LA Ink star, 29, were engaged in January and had been planning a summer wedding around the one-year anniversary of when they started dating.
But the commute between Los Angeles, where Von D shoots her reality show, and James’s home outside of Austin, Texas, where he lives with his kids proved to be too much.
Jeez, what am I, your therapist, I don’t care why you broke up. Keep that shit to yourself Jesse. The only reason I even bothered with this was so I could post these pictures of Kat getting scanned at LAX last month. And if you think you’re happy to see her ass in tights, look at this guy. If I were racist and you were here I might say something in a old-timey “black” voice like, “Holy Mackerel! Lookem dis here white girl!” But as everyone knows I’m not racist, and I don’t appreciate that kind of humor.
(image source = splash and bauer griffin)
By brendon August 18, 2010 @ 1:03 PM
MICHAEL DOUGLAS – may lose the ability to speak after his 8 weeks of chemo for throat cancer. So if you need an A-list star in your movie about a mummy, send the script to Michael Douglas. (the sun)
SANDRA BULLOCK – says there is no chance at a reconciliation with Jesse James, who has taken the hint and started dating Kat Von D. It’s just like the last time I got dumped, except instead of banging new stray pussy, I carved FATTY into my arm and cried a lot. (popeater)
LINDSAY LOHAN – has been offered $1 million by OK! magazine for her first interview out of rehab. Is she in a good place now? Is the media always lying about her, and does she just want to concentrate on work now? I wonder what she’ll say. I bet it’s surprising. (hollywood reporter)
MEGAN FOX – sometimes borrows shirts, like the Star Wars one pictured, from her 8-year-old step-son. Which is why I mailed her step-son a fishnet tank top. (daily mail)