If Miley Cyrus hadn’t already taken the fine dance art of Twerking out behind the woodshed and put a bullet between its eyes, then One Direction’s Harry Styles took care of it at the 2013 Teen Choice Awards last night. As a billion teenage girls screamed with the orgasmic ferocity of 1,000 suns, Harry shook his ass for a brief moment, or at least long enough to make LL Cool J think, “White kids are the weirdest.” And then he went back to pretending that he and Brad Paisley didn’t record the worst song of the year with “Accidental Racist.”
Brad Paisley’s new album, Wheelhouse, features collaborations from a number of music artists, including Charlie Daniels and Dierks Bentley, but he could have brought Michael Jackson back from the dead for a new version of Thriller done only in armpit farts, and people would still probably be talking about “Accidental Racist” featuring LL Cool J.
An ode to how white and black people have misconceptions about each other from rebel flag t-shirts to gold chains, “Accidental Racist” has caused a shitstorm on the Internet that Paisley probably didn’t expect. That said, EW got a very lengthy, rambling response from Paisley in advance about why he recorded this song and the basic gist is:
It just doesn’t do any good to blatantly do things and be like, ‘Just get over it.’ That’s not what we’re saying. This is a very sensitive subject, and we’re trying to have the discussion in a way that it can help.
Discussions about race relations are great. We probably need them now more than ever. But do we need them in a hokey country music song with a terribly out-of-place rap that feature the line “RIP Robert E. Lee”? God I hope not.
LL Cool J is a bald, African-American man and Christopher Dorner used to be a bald, African-American man before he was torched in a cabin after a shooting spree in California that captivated the country. But Dorner is dead now and LL Cool J is alive, so that means TMZ can still ask him really stupid questions like, “Would you play Chris Dorner in a biopic?”
Outside Katsuya in Hollywood last night, we asked the Grammy host/rapper/”NCIS: Los Angeles” star about possibly doing a biopic, but he quickly nixed the idea.
LL told us, “That’s not something to even talk about because there are families that suffered, people that died. And because of that, I think it would be disrespectful to them to … have this conversation about a film when people’s lives were on the line.” (TMZ)
Meanwhile, Vivid is waiting for Lex Steele to agree to play Fist Porner, a large black man who shoots all over white women’s faces and tits. It’s the role he was born for.
But Hollywood is full of opportunistic dicks with no concept of the phrase, “Too soon” so it won’t be long before a studio actually asks LL Cool J to star in Dorner’s story. When he (probably) says yes, hopefully they’ll cast Playboy’s Ciara Price to play the rookie FBI agent who has to track him to that cabin in the woods, and she won’t let a shred of clothing stand in her way.
The Grammy Nominations Concert is apparently a thing that exists, and it was last night in Nashville, hosted by Taylor Swift and LL Cool J, and it’s so cute the way the cunty, 22-year-old millionaire acts as if she’s just some awkward geeky teen while 10,000 people applaud her for it. It’s so adorable and endearing, I could just watch it all day.