Natalie Portman is in Austin today filming a movie with director Terrence Malick, who everyone says is so great, but I thought of looking down her shirt and dressing her up as a slutty country girl way before he did. I had that idea, like, 5 years ago. I even photoshoped her head onto other girls bodies, and those girls were naked because they were having anal sex. This dude needs to step up his game.
(image source = fame/flynet)
Whereas Lindsay Lohan claims she can’t even breath without hundreds of paparazzi stalking her, much bigger star Natalie Portman got married this weekend and no one knew a thing about it.
Six months after very quietly debuting wedding bands at the 2012 Oscars, Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied exchanged marital vows in a Jewish ceremony at a private home near Big Sur, Calif., Us magazine can exclusively confirm. The 8pm wedding took place beneath a chuppah–and in the dark! No other details were immediately available.
Of course they also had a baby together about 14 months ago. Meaning they had sex, even though they weren’t married until now. Hope it was worth it when you’re burning in hell Mr. and Mrs. Sodomite!
(image source = wenn)
Natalie Portman hasn’t said anything official yet, but a jeweler told People magazine that she designed wedding rings for Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepid, rings they appeared to be wearing Sunday night at the Oscars.
Wolf created two diamond rings for Portman, made to fit on either side of her engagement ring, and a platinum band for Millepied.
As you can see, Millepied was wearing the band (which wasn’t there last year) and the design for Portmans ring explains why her band is so much thicker now (before, before and after).
The weird thing is she wore that ring to the Screen Actors Guild Awards on January 29th too (1, 2), so they’ve apparently been married for a while and no one noticed until now. And actually no one did notice, that gabby jeweler ratted her out. Maybe no one would have noticed even now because the dress Natalie wore Sunday made it look like she had huge tits, and who cares about her hands if Natalie Portman has huge tits. She could have hooks or that stabby point thing Terminator 2 had for all I care, I’d still let her jack me off.
It’s been a big day for PETA apparently, because they also announced a new series of US Postal stamps that have pictures of famous vegetarians on them, including Pam Anderson, Bryan Adams, and Da Vinci. If only DaVinci were alive today so he could feel the pride of being likened to Pam Anderson and Bryan Adams.
Wait, was she pregnant? Because you could barely even tell.
The actress and fiancé Benjamin Millepied have welcomed a son, PEOPLE has exclusively learned.
Portman, 30, met choreographer Millepied on the set of Black Swan, for which she later won an Oscar for Best Actress.
And that’s basically the entire article. As you can tell, details are scarce right now. But, whatever, I’m just glad this is over. Pregnant women are so fucking gross. Remember back in Victorian times when some girl would get pregnant out of wedlock and her family would send her away for 8 months to have the baby and then she’d just come back like that shit never happened? We should start doing that again. What was wrong with that?
SUPERMAN – will face off against General Zod in the reboot, to be played by the excellent Michael Shannon. So, brace yourself, but Lindsay was lying to make it seem as if she was in demand. Although really I think she should be the one playing Lois Lane. And Zod. And Superman. She’s that good. (thr)
YOUR HIGHNESS – bombed at the box office this weekend, making just $9.5 million and opening at number 6 despite starring Natalie Portman and James Franco. Hop was number one again ($21.6M), with Author second ($12.6M) and Hanna third ($12.3M). Experts said Your Highness was hurt by the fact that it looked fucking terrible. (la times)
MEL GIBSON – was replaced in Hangover 2 by Liam Neeson, who will now be replaced by Nick Cassavetes because the director wants reshoots and Neeson doesn’t have time. Re-casting and shooting new scenes 5 weeks before the movie opens is a good sign. It means the jokes will be fresh. (ew)
ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO – was at the opening of the Marquee Dayclub in Vegas Saturday, and she wore this fantastic dress. It’s basically held together by nothing but optimism. (fame and wenn)
