Rob Lowe’s Shy Bladder Criticized (VIDEO)

By Matt November 05, 2014 @ 7:09 AM

Rob Lowe’s half funny DirecTV commercials are under fire by a group called the International Paruresis Association because one of them shows his character too bashful to piss in a public latrine. Paruresis means ‘Shy Bladder’ in Latin or ‘Embarrassingly Small Dick’ in every other language. Steve Soifer, the CEO of the IPA and biannual Yellowstone tourist thinks we should exercise some caution on the subject:

“It’s a situation that a lot of people don’t understand. In this particular case, the portrayal is making it look ridiculous, that this guy is a loser for having a problem. What if he didn’t have a leg or an arm, are you going to make fun of them?”

I wouldn’t think you’re a loser because it takes you a minute to get it flowing with a drunk lumberjack standing over your shoulder at Safeco. Tight quarters with fifty dudes with their dicks out squirting into a basin should make any man’s reproductive organs take pause. So you can’t piss in group settings. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Using your real name and declaring yourself CEO of Shy Bladder sufferers, that’s another matter.

Rob Lowe Is Too Handsome

By Jack April 10, 2014 @ 12:36 PM

World’s most perfect looking man puppet Rob Lowe claims he’s been discriminated against for being too handsome. The guy who starred in all of those 80′s movies and one underaged girl sex tape told the New York Times that he’s felt disadvantaged from being really really ridiculously good looking. Rob Lowe has had a pretty decent career playing comely lads doing handsome boy things. Most recently he played the attractive guy on Parks and Recreation. He wishes he’d stop being typecast.

“There’s this unbelievable bias and prejudice against, quote-unquote, ‘good-looking people,’ that they can’t be in pain or they can’t have rough lives or be deep or interesting. When I was a teen idol, I was so goddamn pretty, I wouldn’t have taken myself seriously.”

There is no doubt that he is a pretty man. I’m not gay, but if I was, I’d be plundering Rob Lowe’s booty like Bluebeard. But is being super fucking handsome really a disadvantage? Try walking a day in my fat goofy-looking shoes, I’m pretty convinced that doors magically open for the beautiful and slam in the faces of we trolls. Even if that’s not true, it seems true, and it fuels the fire in us common folk to become powerful enough to steal your horses and rape your women just to get back at God. I just looked up Rob Lowe’s net worth: $30 million. I just looked up his bang list of hot models and actresses. Being typecast sounds truly horrible.

Charlie Sheen edition headlines

By brendon March 08, 2011 @ 6:48 PM

SPL249253_019

If you told 10 people that you were planning to go on TV with some porn stars and call yourself a warlock and say how much you love drugs and tell your boss to go fuck himself, I bet almost none of them would say, “Oh yeah that’s a good idea.”

And yet that’s what Charlie Sheen is expecting from people who work with him, specifically his Two and a Half Men co-star Jon Cryer. But Cryer hasn’t, and Sheen is handling it just as you might expect. He tells E!

“Jon has not called me. He’s a turncoat, a traitor, a troll. Clearly he’s a troll. He issued a statement. Is it gonna take me calling him a ‘traitor, juvenile and scared’ for him to get it?”

You’re gonna find this astounding but Sheen has his facts wrong, and Cryer has not issued a statement. But would Sheen talk to him if he did?

“What’s there to say? I’ll tell him ‘You’re a little late. Goodbye, troll.’ When I’m starring in multimillion-dollar films and he’s begging me for a supporting role I’ll say, ‘You left me out in the cold with all of your guilt and stupidity.’ “

I bet when Sheen announces his new movie, “The Warlock Who Traveled To The Pits Of Doom And Killed All The Trolls Even Chuck Lorres Mom Who Is A Whore And Had A DIck In Her Mouth When He Killed Her And It Was A Black Guys Dick And She Was All Like, Yeah Yeah I’m Chuck Lorres Mom And I Love This Black Guys Dick”, Cryer is gonna feel pretty silly.

In other Sheen news…

WARNER BROTHERS – fired Sheen yesterday on grounds that he violated the morals clause in his contract, so Sheen is suing them because he says he doesn’t even have a morals clause. In a sense, they’re both right. Except for Sheen. Who is wrong. (hollywood reporter)

ROB LOWE – is the new big name meeting with producer Chuck Lorre to replace Sheen on Two and a Half Men. First John Stamos, now Rob Lowe. It’s a parade of comedy legends. (tmz)

AUBREY O’DAY – bent over with her big jugs in a low cut dress while having her hands set in cement outside Planet Hollywood in Vegas. This is related to Sheen in the sense that he likes girls who look slutty.

WOULD YOU HIT IT?

By brendon April 15, 2008 @ 9:52 AM

Jessica Gibson went on the Today show this morning to repeat her claims that Rob Lowe exposed himself, touched himself and groped her several times while she worked for him as a nanny between 2005 and 2008. This is in reaction to Lowes comments last week that Gibson was attempting to blackmail him for 1.5 million dollars, and if he didn’t pay, she would spread vicious lies about him. Things like saying he exposed himself, touched himself and groped her several times while she worked for him as a nanny between 2005 and 2008, for example.

The lesson here is, if you want to have sex with your staff but you can't tell if they’re "cool", start slow.  I like to spill something and then say, "you should take off your shirt and clean that up."  Or I stroll in with a tight muscle shirt that says Home Of The Whopper and then has an arrow pointing to my crotch, and I say, "it sure is hot in here, I wonder if taking off my pants would help in any way…”