Gigi Hadid Underboob For Love Magazine

By Lex February 03, 2016 @ 1:13 PM

Gigi Hadid Love Magazine
Gigi Hadid is the Hadid sister who doesn’t have celebrity lyme disease. She’s carrying zika. Maybe ebola. Something topical that’s absolutely not herpes from the not-gay one in One Direction. Her underboobs look exactly like the underboobs of her sister two days ago. You wouldn’t even know which one of them is dying. Which one is it again? There was never going to be enough to send both girls to rehab. This just makes it easier.

Photo Credit: Love Magazine

Selena Gomez in A Bikini

By Lex February 03, 2016 @ 9:04 AM

Selena Gomez Bikinis For W LB
At some point the music industry will admit that Selena Gomez looks like a 12-year old Tijuana boy hustling both sides of the street. Not today. Not with Photoshop and glitter. If you can curb eighteen inches from around Khloe’s thorax, you can make Selena Gomez look salacious to more than just the local male librarian volunteer who obsesses over the idea of fucking the local Little League star. Is that you Benny the Jet? You look good in a bikini. Would implants kill you?

Photo Credit: W Magazine

Selena Gomez And Chloe Moretz Bikini In “Neighbors 2″ And Shit Around The Web

By Michael January 26, 2016 @ 12:00 PM

465862636

The first Neighbors movie was a steaming pile of dog shit. But the sequel bodes to be better because Selena Gomez and Chloe Moretz run around in skimpy bikinis reciting lines.┬áIt’s like porn, minus the best parts. So, not as good.

Or maybe I’ll just watch the bikini outtakes on YouTube. (Last Men On Earth)

Lissy Cunningham unleashes her jugs for Page 3. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Frida Aasen is steamy in lingerie for Love and Lemons. (Drunken Stepfather)

Tessio sleeps with the fishes. (TMZ)

The rapper B.o.B believes the Earth is flat. B.o.B is shit his pants stupid. (Dlisted)

Girls tug on their clothes to give us a peek. (The Chive)

Natalia Golba is a big-titted Instagram babe you should follow. (Hollywood Tuna)

Selena Gomez Stalks In Lingerie

By Lex December 23, 2015 @ 9:56 AM

Selena Gomez Black Lingerie In New Video
Somebody in marketing got the bright idea to migrate the Selena Gomez brand into sexual thrill seeker persona. It’s like watching your friend’s kids sister try on heels for the first time. There’s something about a grade schooler homaging 9 1/2 weeks that makes everybody feel like the dad from Seventh Heaven with the only secret Jesus never forgives. Isn’t it enough that she’s a beautiful singer? Sorry, I had to. Not everybody is cut out to be sexy. It’s okay to be cute and Spanish. That’s your hook. Edge up the homeland you’ve never visited accent and adopt some orphans. Sing Christmas songs that are about family and your abuela instead of about wanting to touch yourself. “Uncomfortable” is not the one word answer you want from your Frank Luntz survey respondents.

Photo Credit: Selena Gomez “Hands To Myself”

Jingle Ball Season Is Good for Light Skinned Minorities

By Lex December 04, 2015 @ 1:39 PM

Selena Gomez Booty Peeks For Jingle Ball
Jingle Ball is the generic name used by the tour of pop radio station hosted concerts around the country in December. If you have a daughter or you’re a pedophile you probably know the schedule. The tiny former Disney teen actresses fronting the shows typically have their headsets and pre-recorded tracks and elaborate stage shows involving ethnically mixed light skinned twinks. There’s something naughty but extremely safe for suburban girls in getting tingly for sweaty anorexic dudes at 5’6″ who went through ESL. It’s black, but a safe black. Negro dancers still can’t play Orlando. Eurasian mixed Hmong and Colombian Vietnamese with a dash of Inuit. Can you do the splits and fake like girls aren’t icky? You’re hired. Seventeen shows in seventeen nights. You’re on the gay bus. Roll out.

Photo Credit: Getty

Lingerie Clad Angels For Victoria’s Secret 2015 Fashion Show

By Lex November 11, 2015 @ 10:07 AM

2015 Victorias Secret Fashion Show
There’s got to be that one moment of self-consciousness when standing in your underwear on national television and thinking, I could’ve been a nanny to a well off family in Paraguay or maybe an assistant media professor at Mizzou. Maybe when you’re so stupid hot you just think, damn, I look amazing and everybody wants to fuck me, and that envelops you like a warm blanket. This has to be depressing for women who can’t relexively view attractive women as sex objects.

Photo Credit: Getty