By Lex August 14, 2015 @ 12:06 PM
Sharon Stone is coming clean about the brain bleed that caused her to lose all her senses and get brand new tits just to restore her speech. Her harrowing medical experience whose medical charts were subsequently shredded and burned and avowed of any existence by the medical community, caused Sharon Stone to realize that she was going to have to restore her career from rock bottom:
I thought, ‘You know what? I got thrown off the bullet train, and now I’m going to have to crawl up a hill of broken glass, get back on the train that’s going a million miles an hour, and work my way from the cattle car up.
That’s dramatic. I’d recommend some clothes before the broken glass crawl. I think your brain might be leaking if you think the bullet train is ever coming to California. I’d need to see your vagina before I can give a complete diagnosis. As a preliminary forecast, I’d recommend fucking grandma in the dark.
Photo Credit: Harper’s Bazaar
By Lex June 04, 2015 @ 9:07 AM
I like that Sharon Stone shows off her recently purchased tits. It’s honest. I paid for them, they’re nice, look at them, motherfuckers. We do the same with cars and babies. Contextually it can be difficult to take in a nearly sixty year old woman with the perky nipples of a teen girl leaving a One Direction concert, but no more so than seeing a 120 pound socially awkward app developer stepping out of a Lamborghini. Focus on the parts that make sense. Stop being sexist. And hand Sharon Stone an Arthur Ashe award.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex January 28, 2015 @ 8:21 AM
By Lex December 18, 2014 @ 10:29 AM
It might be time to re-animate Theodor Geisel and have him pen some instructive prose along the lines of Could You Would You Please Wear A Bra. Sharon Stone’s latest tits only date back about a couple or three years, but there comes a time when Grandma needs to throttle down on the free swingers. Twenty-five years ago men would’ve killed to have Sharon Stone tits slapping them in the face, now her commando tits are making everybody wonder if being gay is so bad. This isn’t sexist. We need to shut down that silver fox in bike shorts crap as well. Only the genitals of our nation’s most attractive young people should ever been seen. That’s the thin line keeping us from going third world.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex March 24, 2014 @ 4:02 PM
I bet if you carbon dated Sharon Stone she’d come back triple digits. Though a black raven would probably peck you to death before you were able to share the results with the world. But her tits look to be about the same age as the last bastard baby born in Hollywood, and Sharon is determined to get her money’s worth. Screw all those gals who get new yabbos and put on a covering sweater and act like they didn’t just have a medical doctor slice open their thorax to give them bigger titties. Sharon Stone wants her investment to be seen, not heard. It’s hard not to admire her for her boldness at her grandmotherly age. Though I’m willing to try really really hard.
Photo Credit: Splash, FameFlynet
By Jack February 20, 2014 @ 3:35 PM
Sharon Stone is suing the producers of a Hemingway biopic because she didn’t want to go to Cuba. You know, because it’s fucking illegal. It all started when the cut-up crone was cast as Hemingway’s wife Mary in a film called Papa which is being produced by Bob Yari. Part of the film is supposedly getting shot in Cuba where Hemingway lived for many years drinking and fucking Havana’s famous whores. It is against the law for non-Cuban-Americans to go to Castro’s Island of Decrepit Cars without special paperwork. Yari wanted Stone to lie and say she was going on a “cultural endeavor” instead of the truth, that she’s going to make a movie none of us will ever fucking watch. When she refused, both old and newly reformed parts of Sharon Stone was fired. She’s suing for her promised paycheck of half a mill.
Having jumped through the Cuban hoops to get a visa to visit the old homeland, I can tell you they are pretty fucking selective about who they let into their world’s crappiest house party. Most film productions use Puerto Rico or the Dominican Republic to double as Cuba when shooting movies set there. Of course, you can always sneak in. For the most part, if you’ve got money, they’ll let it slide because they need American dollars something fierce. But it remains illegal on the U.S. side to do this. And while it would make for a harrowing tale at some future SAG Awards while Sharon Stone is holding up her trophy and feigning humility, what she really needs is the quick cash to pay for new cheekbone technology that will allow her to open her jaw wide enough to fellate her way back into some bigger budget motion pictures.