By Lex April 09, 2014 @ 12:27 PM
Whenever I see Tara Reid in a bikini, the thought always comes to mind, wow, I can’t believe she’s still alive. I have friends serving overseas or working in dangerous domestic professions or those afflicted with potentially dangerous medical conditions, but it’s always Tara Reid that I just assume has fallen off a booze cruise and been eaten very slowly by millions of krill. This is why Tara sends out Twitter pictures of herself in bikinis once a month. She’s not trying to show off the results of her cardboard and packing glue diet, she just wants to make sure people aren’t packing up boxes at her apartment and talking about her in the past tense. I’m still alive! Don’t let Jedward hork my shit!
Photo Credit: Tara Reid/Twitter
By Lex December 13, 2013 @ 4:40 PM
For some reason, a jury in London took the word of a sobbing charity worker over that of Tara Reid in a case involving a nightclub fight where Tara told the court that this other woman went ‘psycho like Naomi Campbell’ on her after the two exchanged insults. While everyone appreciated Tara’s appropriate use of simile, nobody could possibly believe that Tara was the less drunk of the two combatants. Tara had the woman arrested claiming she smashed a cocktail glass across her face in the nightclub, causing Tara to have a corneal abrasion, a claim Tara herself undermined when she pointed to her crotch to show where her cornea got scratched. All in all,the Brits agreed that justice had been served and that it was high time to send more drunken British twats to America as payback.
By Lex November 25, 2013 @ 6:31 PM
I’m not sure who’s been punching Tara Reid in the stomach, but that shit’s got to stop. She’s a lady. If Apollo had seen Rocky busting up Tara’s gut, he would’ve arranged a last minute change of challengers. Still, there’s something to be said for Tara’s accomplishment of remaining upright against a 5mph coastal headwind. Plus, you can’t even see her vagina so I assume she’s taking her mom’s advice to check her crotch in the mirror before she walks out the door. I’m going to go ahead and call this a comeback for Tara Reid.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN
By Lex October 28, 2013 @ 12:33 PM
You can’t get much more lowest common denominator than having Tara Reid host your Halloween Party. That’s when you know the first five hundred girls on your list were previously booked, the last being Tanning Mom hosting a Halloween party at a Newark areas Taco Bell where every Halloween they let you tour the kitchen. Tara Reid doesn’t even get drunk and fall down anymore and unless you’re gazing at her recent medical testing reports, she’s not the least bit spooky. Where’s Michael Myers when you need him?
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Travis September 20, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Tara Reid is a 37-year old with a history of hard partying, so obviously her best days are behind her and we’ve definitely seen some of her worst days already. But when she showed up to the Legends Beyond event in Beverly Hills last night with her boyfriend (not pictured because who cares?) she actually looked like a respectable, attractive actress again. And when all it takes for us to think that you look respectable is for you to stand up straight and not let your tit fall out of your dress on the red carpet, you know that you’ve really hit your plateau in life.
(Photo Credits: Getty)
By Jack August 08, 2013 @ 2:57 PM
Tara Reid is dumber than a bag of mentally challenged hammers. She appeared on Shark After-Dark, (which is part of the whole Shark Week thing), on The Discovery Channel with her fellow Sharknado co-star Ian Ziering. She told the host that she did some research on sharks before making the absurd movie about sharks falling from the sky because she didn’t want to sound “stupid”. She then launches into the dumbest most incoherent verbal diarrhea I’ve heard in a while. This ramble is a new level of celebrity stupid. Like, I wouldn’t be surprised if she can’t go to the bathroom by herself or cut her own meat stupid. Here is just a tidbit:
“So I look up sharks on the Internet and I see whale sharks. And I’m like it must mean a whale and a shark had sex. And then I think, well how does a whale and shark have sex? … Because whales are mammals, and sharks are animals. They have nothing to do with each other.”
Yup. She said that. Watch the rest and weep for the fact that someday soon she’s going to announce she’s making offspring.