By Lex May 05, 2015 @ 12:58 PM
You spend enough time passed out in a pool of your own waste and you learn a little something called perspective. Last week Elizabeth Banks was interviewed about directing Pitch Perfect 2 and took a totally unprovoked shot at Tara Reid:
There was a group of us girls coming up. A lot of us are surviving. Some of us are not. I used to go to auditions with Tara Reid. So, you know, we didn’t all make it. We’re not all still here.
We get it, Eazy-E. You had to survive the street before you could survive the business. But what’s with the drive-by at Tara Reid? You still holding onto laments from twenty years ago when Reid went full casting couch anal while you were hanging hopes on your Jane Austen monologues? Somebody found Tara Reid in a bar in Cabo and asked her about Elizabeth Banks disparaging her curriculum vitae:
I’ve always been a fan of Bank’s work and that’s sad to hear she said those things about me.
See, Banks. Is it that hard to lie and save everybody some hurt feelings? When Tara Reid has the moral high ground you need to leave town. Quit begrudging her American Pie. You’ve got Pitch Perfect 2. Make the fat girl do something funny and let’s empower other women for a change. There’s simply too much tearing down. I am more feminist than any of these posers. Where’s my award?
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex April 29, 2015 @ 9:00 AM
A few things not to touch in life. That homeless guy’s boil, that twitching squirrel in the street, Tara Reid’s tits when she slurs out an invitation. The Chief Technology Officer of California’s Blue Shield insurance company got shit canned for spending $100,000 on his corporate credit card winning the heart of Tara Reid in a fling earlier this year. The pink slip came when Aaron Kaufman submitted expenses for a company bowling trip the only evidence of which occurring were Instagram photos shared by Reid of her wasted trying to pantomime her last three abortions. Kaufman has now sued Blue Shield claiming he was terminated for some bullshit reason people sue over when they’re fired. Blue Shield said you used our credit card to nail that nasty Sharknado chick, shut the fuck up. In his defense, Kaufman noted that he had to use the company card because his wife who was divorcing him had frozen all their personal accounts. If you’re lucky enough to pull a jury consisting entirely of angry recently divorced guys, that excuse might just work. If you’re unlucky, you’re wife is called to testify and you’re given twenty to life.
If anything, this executive should’ve been burned for spending $100,000 to get Tara Reid on his dick when a couple false compliments in the local dive bar would’ve sufficed. The myth of the genius corporate executive is once again pierced. They’re stupid for skanky blonds like the rest of us.
By Lex March 31, 2015 @ 9:36 AM
Shortly after Tara Reid bared her sloppy ass flesh to the Miami jet setters, the thespian boarded a flight back to L.A. where she got wasted, met a kid who claimed to be a DJ, got him wasted, landed, and escorted him to a tattoo parlor to get her name inked on his forearm for the forever. Tara then took off because if she’s not home before the booze wears off, her carriage turns back into a pumpkin.
The most telling part of this monsters ball comes when the reporter asks the junior college applied arts major if he anticipates he may someday regret having a barfly’s name tattooed on his arm. Nope, he answers like a true fucking cowboy. Don’t bother putting this on your resume, the guy you’re job interviewing with has already seen it twice.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Matt January 22, 2015 @ 7:07 AM
Tara Reid occupies an interesting space in the male psyche. You remember her fondly from those American Pie films yet she’s done a ton of weird shit to her body and now has a creepy cruise ship chick vibe. Curiously her face still looks the same and this poses another series of questions: Would she be your Dream Weaver if she didn’t have a catheter sticking out of her navel? Do you throw the baby out with the bathwater? Given the opportunity would you date her or just bang her for a period of a few weeks to up your self esteem? During this fling would you bring her around your friends or sneak up to her condo for 2 a.m. trysts? Would you keep the lights on or attempt to dim them strategically so as to obscure any scars or sutures?
At this point in her life I’ve relegated Reid firmly to a category called Vacation Hot. If you’re barhopping in Palm Springs for the weekend she’s an ideal snag. You’re liquored up anyway and not having breakfast. A little hot tub, some hanky panky, and man, the guys and me have to hit the road. Sure it’s awkward when you see her at the bar the following night but you’re both knee deep in your next anonymous suck fest so shrug it off. A few months from then your friend will say “What was that one chick’s name again?” Uh. Tara. That’s it. Wasn’t she the chick from American Pie?
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex January 09, 2015 @ 9:44 AM
WWTDD offers Michelle Obama $100 million to her favorite crappy lunch food for kids charity if she’ll have donkey sex on camera. Donkey need not be house trained. See how that works. Porn companies figured out five years ago if they offered large quantities of cash to public figures to have sex on camera they could get tons of free publicity. TMZ typically obliges them with a story.
GameLink.com, there, more free pub, is in the business of getting gamers to errantly visit their site and end up spending their mother’s entire credit card limit on chicks boning each with whiffle ball bats on camera. Which if it wasn’t expensive, I’d probably do too. They issued a press release offering Tara Reid one million dollars to have live sex on their site. You could pick the entire celebrity world and you went for the almost 40-year old with the botched plastic surgery and booze aging? Well played, sirs. To be fair, I suppose you did select at the credible level. She might just say yes. Then you’ll be truly fucked. And so will Tara. I’ll watch if there’s nothing better on.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex January 05, 2015 @ 9:22 AM
I’m compelled to applaud Tara Reid with more than just the fake clap I give junior family members when I’m forced to sit through ballets and Christmas pageants. Nobody in my lineage has the grace of Tara Reid who at thirty-nine is still expressing her attention seeking drunken teen and posting blurry photos of herself with her hands on her sticky parts. Every Arby’s employee spends their break time differently. As long as she’s not spitting in the food, the manual says you’re good.