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Toni Garrn Tans Topless In Mexico

You could get sloppy seconds from Leonardo DiCaprio and still be the luckiest man in the world. Well, second luckiest. And already I regret the term sloppy seconds. It needs a re-branding. Like when vintage stores took used jeans and started calling them distressed or vintage. Vintage pussy seems like something I'd impulse buy on eBay. Toni Garnn went sunbathing topless in Mexico because that's just what German women...read more

Jourdan Dunn And a Bunch of Fashion Models Topless For Lui

Finally, just the magazine covers. Like muffin tops or intercourse, it's far and away the best part of the total consumer experience. Only a European magazine could assemble a bunch of priced fashion models to take their tops off for a series of magazine covers. We have ESPN, France has progressive magazines and roll your own cigarettes. Anything but fucking. Who will make our Christian babies? Photo Credit: Lui...read more

Toni Garrn Bikini Sandwich

Once you've been repeatedly penetrated by DiCaprio there's an air of invincibility around you akin to those who've seen brutal combat. You're in a special club with limited members, not super limited, but you know, in the scheme of the total female population of the world, it's still tiny. You form instant bonds with others who have gone through the same. You can spot an imposter trying to trade up a Luxor suite night...read more

Michelle Rodriguez And Toni Garrn Foreplay

Each May, Michelle Rodriquez and her love boat troll the French Riviera on a hot girl pussy hunt. Rodriguez entices the women attending the Cannes film festival to come take a three hour tour in lawless international waters. You gotta see the fish. That's Leo DiCaprio's ex-girlfriend Toni Garrn. Does she know she's about to have Michelle Rodriguez' snatch pressed so hard up against her mouth she can taste her future...read more

Toni Garrn Sort of Gets Her Revenge

Media outlets were spewing this morning how Toni Garnn got her payback on Leonardo DiCaprio by posing for these hot photos in GQ Magazine. I'm not sure people understand how revenge works. The appropriate response to your recent boyfriend banging twenty South Beach models with the help of amphetamines and divine will is to either bang twenty dudes yourself, wish The AIDS upon him, or take all his shit and stress eat...read more

Toni Garrn Models Swimwear

Every time I see a picture of another model Leonardo Dicaprio is nailing, I get a little more jealous. I try not to, but that green-eyed monster is a bitch. Jealousy I mean, not this buck toothed Teuton. I want to Freaky Friday myself into Leo's body for one evening of foreign model plundering. My story of winning the knock-off iPhone in the claw machine game at Fuddruckers has grown stale. I need another big win....read more

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Toni Garrn Topless on a Boat

Leonardo DiCaprio is not a man with a ton of time to waste. If you discount clubbing, karate kicking, and deep musing, he's a very busy guy who medically requires sex five times a day with somebody with a modeling card in Frankfurt and Milan. Clothes take time to remove. Fancy model clothes take even more time. Then there's that whole bit about wrinkling them or how it's impossible to get horse pee out of silk. Total...read more

Toni Garrn In A Black Bikini On A Yacht In Ibiza

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Leonardo DiCaprio Saved The World, Fuck Yeah!

Leonardo DiCaprio kicked off his Leo Rescues Mother Nature Foundation in St. Tropez by amassing a large collection of hot models and Hollywood douchebags and raising a cool $25 million to save cheetahs and poison oak. Leo riled up the $50K a plate crowd with fierce rhetoric and the intelligence of three men: There has never been, since the time of dinosaurs, as many plant and animal species disappearing so quickly …...read more

Leonardo DiCaprio Moved In With His Girlfriend

First, George Clooney finally decided to settle down and get married for a second time to lawyer Amal Alamuddin, who doesn't look anything like the women he has typically dated, but played hard to get enough to make him slap a ring the size of the moon on her finger. And now, according to In Touch, Leonardo DiCaprio has decided to stop sleeping with every 19-year old model on the face of the planet and focus on...read more

Toni Garrn's Tits Might Be Dating Leonardo Dicaprio

I've had to fight the Leonardo Dicaprio is gay meme that every guy who can't come to grips with how many supermodels Dicaprio bangs employs to salvage their own pride. It's not been easy. This latest 21-year old German model Toni Garrn might take the cake. I don't think she even speaks English. Which makes her perfect. She doesn't like bikini tops, which is nearly as good as not understanding a single word she says....read more

Toni Garrn In A Bikini

Leonardo DiCaprio has a new supermodel girlfriend. He goes through them really fast. Some people say his inability to maintain a relationship with women means he has issues making emotional connections with others. Some people have even speculated that this constant public display of model girlfriends is a cover for the fact the Leonardo DiCaprio is actually gay. I choose to go with the most obvious explanation -- he...read more