Toni Garrn Tans Topless In Mexico

By Lex January 08, 2016 @ 10:54 AM

Toni Garrn Tans Topless In Mexico
You could get sloppy seconds from Leonardo DiCaprio and still be the luckiest man in the world. Well, second luckiest. And already I regret the term sloppy seconds. It needs a re-branding. Like when vintage stores took used jeans and started calling them distressed or vintage. Vintage pussy seems like something I’d impulse buy on eBay.

Toni Garnn went sunbathing topless in Mexico because that’s just what German women do. And not just the attractive two percent. Fräuleins and hausfraus alike revel in exposing flesh whilst abroad on vacation. The billowing flabby flesh of the Bavarian broads naked on the beaches of Southern Europe is a sight to behold. If you want a near substitute, search YouTube for elephant seal mass beachings. Conjure it up while making love to Toni Garnn so you can last more than a couple minutes. Germany gives and Germany takes. It still has no beaches.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Jourdan Dunn And a Bunch of Fashion Models Topless For Lui

By Lex December 03, 2015 @ 11:17 AM

More Topless Lui Covers  Jourdan Dunn
Finally, just the magazine covers. Like muffin tops or intercourse, it’s far and away the best part of the total consumer experience. Only a European magazine could assemble a bunch of priced fashion models to take their tops off for a series of magazine covers. We have ESPN, France has progressive magazines and roll your own cigarettes. Anything but fucking. Who will make our Christian babies?

Photo Credit: Lui Magazine

Toni Garrn Bikini Sandwich

By Lex May 28, 2015 @ 12:24 PM

Toni Garrn Super Model Sandwich
Once you’ve been repeatedly penetrated by DiCaprio there’s an air of invincibility around you akin to those who’ve seen brutal combat. You’re in a special club with limited members, not super limited, but you know, in the scheme of the total female population of the world, it’s still tiny. You form instant bonds with others who have gone through the same. You can spot an imposter trying to trade up a Luxor suite night with David Spade in ’03 into a weekend riding DiCaprio’s cock on a yacht off San Remo. It’s not something you necessarily asked for or something you’re consciously proud of, but it happened and you wield the power of survivors. I’m pretty sure you also get twenty percent off at participating Denny’s restaurants. Hellcats!

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Michelle Rodriguez And Toni Garrn Foreplay

By Lex May 19, 2015 @ 9:34 AM

Michelle Rodriguez And Toni Garrn On A Yacht Together
Each May, Michelle Rodriquez and her love boat troll the French Riviera on a hot girl pussy hunt. Rodriguez entices the women attending the Cannes film festival to come take a three hour tour in lawless international waters. You gotta see the fish. That’s Leo DiCaprio’s ex-girlfriend Toni Garrn. Does she know she’s about to have Michelle Rodriguez’ snatch pressed so hard up against her mouth she can taste her future babies? Probably. It’s hard to get a reaction out of a supermodel.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Toni Garrn Sort of Gets Her Revenge

By Lex December 10, 2014 @ 9:42 AM

Toni Garrn Wears Lingerie For GQ
Media outlets were spewing this morning how Toni Garnn got her payback on Leonardo DiCaprio by posing for these hot photos in GQ Magazine. I’m not sure people understand how revenge works. The appropriate response to your recent boyfriend banging twenty South Beach models with the help of amphetamines and divine will is to either bang twenty dudes yourself, wish The AIDS upon him, or take all his shit and stress eat ice cream straight from the container. Showing him and the rest of the world your titties isn’t exactly a Sicilian style vendetta. You’ve lost this round, but the war isn’t over yet. Think German fetish magazines.

Photo Credit: GQ

Toni Garrn Models Swimwear

By Lex September 17, 2014 @ 12:29 PM

Toni Garrn Models Swimwear For Agua De Coco
Every time I see a picture of another model Leonardo Dicaprio is nailing, I get a little more jealous. I try not to, but that green-eyed monster is a bitch. Jealousy I mean, not this buck toothed Teuton. I want to Freaky Friday myself into Leo’s body for one evening of foreign model plundering. My story of winning the knock-off iPhone in the claw machine game at Fuddruckers has grown stale. I need another big win. C’mon, Olympus, Shazam me.

Photo Credit: Agua De Coco Beachwear