By brendon September 28, 2006 @ 12:10 PM


"Chicago" really is the most insufferable combination I can imagine. Jazz and tap dancing and dream sequences and that faggity ass cabaret nonsense all at once, so I assumed I knew how bad it was gonna be once they added Ashlee Simpson. God was I wrong. This really is like a damn nightmare. I'm pleasantly surprised that when this clip ended, I didn't snap awake, four states away and covered in someone else's blood.


(27) Comments

  1. sicksauce 09/28/2006 12:22

    I just played that video and my computer bitch slapped me, unplugged itself and jumped out of the 4th story window.

  2. bryce 09/28/2006 12:29

    I can’t wait for ‘Saved by the Smell’ the musical. Put Ashlee and Jessica in that one…

  3. Crucial 09/28/2006 12:37

    I guess it’s cool to hate on Ashlee but she looks hot and sounds like she can actually sing in that video.

  4. 09/28/2006 12:58

    Yeah. I mean whats the deal? Ashlee is sooooo cute! And her nose looks awesome! And her boobs look great! And her skirt is too short! Uh-oh. Its true. Mom said so, and I believe her. You can almost see her kitty-cat.

  5. Greg 09/28/2006 13:03

    dayum…her lip syncing has really improved

  6. SilentBob 09/28/2006 13:15

    I wonder who Joe Simpson had his daughter blow to get her into that musical…

  7. Willie Beamin 09/28/2006 13:20

    Me… I got her that gig

  8. aggrieved 09/28/2006 13:20

    That really wasn’t bad. The fact that she twice referred to musicals as “broadways” was annoying as hell, though. But considering Roxie Hart is a slutty bimbo who’ll do anything to be famous, casting Ashlee Simpson is a stroke of genius.

  9. Sean01 09/28/2006 13:27

    So wait, did she say that she got back and people offered her “Broadways” and she decided to do “Chicago” in London? Yeah, I’ll believe that never.

  10. TRACEY 09/28/2006 13:40

    DID SHE GET HER BOOBS DONE TOO? or is that just the miracle of padding?

  11. 09/28/2006 13:47

    Nice one Sean! Me too! NEVAH!

  12. Robert 09/28/2006 14:08

    Frankly, it’s really eerie that this Ashley Simpson looks and sounds nothing like the one from just a couple of years ago. Can you say personality disorder? She sang alright in that clip but she looks almost well – artificial. Can you honestly say that if you saw her on the street you’d know she was Ashley? Fuck no.

  13. Cassidy 09/28/2006 14:19

    I was totally distracted by her shoulder blades. That’s sick how bony they are. Get some meat on that girl. Oh yeah, she sucks as Roxi Hart. Why would ANYBODY want her to play Roxi after the Orange Bowl (or Rose, I forget) and SNL? No.

  14. Bryan04 09/28/2006 15:08

    Hilarity then ensued when Ashlee got on stage, started mouthing the words and suddenly the opening number to Les Miserables started coming from the speakers… she then did a funny jig and ran offstage saying “The cast started singing the wrong showtune!”


  15. Lindsay02 09/28/2006 15:09

    Hey, I’ve seen the real Chicago played on Broadway (sorry I do like it) and her singing isn’t that good. Really, leave broadway to the professionals, seriously.

  16. CovertWar 09/28/2006 15:31

    Do they lip-synch on Broadway? I don’t see a mic, unless it’s that weird bobble hanging on her forehead. Anyway, the song she’s performing is no more difficult than what she did when she went back to SNL to make good. It’s not like she’s Christina Aguilera.

  17. Mike 09/28/2006 16:18

    I’d eat a mile … wait, no I wouldn’t. Seriously, we should thank the dumbass stupid enough to put her on stage in London. The longer she stays there the better.

  18. Maniac 09/28/2006 16:27

    “yeah I got a call while I was in Hawaii about doing some “Broadways” and stuff…” Isn’t that like the new “London Bridge” or something? Oh, and if you want to see what “Tyler Durden” would be like if it was written by an illiterate middle school kid off his ritalin, be sure to direct your browser over to: It’s almost exactly the same except without anything even remotely funny or intelligent!

  19. Shelly 09/28/2006 16:35

    I’m a huge fan of the musical “Chicago” and it makes my stomach trun to see someone like Ashley Simpson taking on such a fantastic role. And her perfomance…there were moments were she channeled Roxy, but those were few and far between. The last song they showed is a firecracker for her character and it felt so ‘blah’ with Simpson in the lead.

  20. Abby 09/28/2006 17:05

    What a dancer! Did you see the way she clapped her hands like a retarded school-child?

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