By brendon December 27, 2006 @ 11:29 AM

Lindsay Lohan is traditional – Lindsay Lohan spent Christmas Eve in a bar, arriving at Lotus in the New York City meatpacking district around 11:30 and staying until around 3 am.  Why?  Because her life is fantastic.

Carrie Underwood is taken – Despite being previously linked to Jessica Simpson, quarterback Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys is now apparently dating country singer Carrie Underwood.  In fact, "she made a surprise Christmas Day appearance at Texas Stadium, hugging her new man on the field before the Cowboys' crushing 23-7 loss to the Philadelphia Eagles."  It was also before Romo stood behind his center all day with a raging hard-on, which probably did anything but help.

Keith and Nic are okay – Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman were seen together yesterday in Sydney, seemingly happy despite a breaking story claiming that Urban had a steady sexual relationship with 23-year-old model Amanda Wyatt that began in 2004 and didnt end until the day he married Nicole.  Wyatt said:

"Keith is a very good lover; he was a good man all around.  It was one good thing a night. It was very fiery. You could tell we were just into each other and that is what made it good. From April 2005 until they got married in June 2006, we got together a lot of times, but I can't put a figure on it. It was a pretty regular thing."

When asked for a comment, Urban said, "does anyone know who I am or how on earth me and my stringy hair ended up banging models and Nicole Kidman.  Any why is my forhead so big?  Seriously, this can't be normal.  Am I sick or something?"

(38) Comments

  1. avatar
    BFD 12/27/2006 12:09

    Go Saints GEAUX!

  2. avatar
    bryce 12/27/2006 12:29

    Ha! Ha! Nicole sure knows how to pick ‘em. 2007 To Do: 1) Marry someone not completely Ape Shit nuts. 2) Get a tan.

  3. avatar
    michael10 12/27/2006 12:37

    Re:Tony Romo: Does this mean Tom Brady has a clear path to Jessica Simpson ? And yeah I am routing for the Saints, however, if they play the Bears in the NFC Championship at Soldier Field they will lose…Shit I forgot this was a celeb-hater site.

  4. avatar
    Ass Tagger 12/27/2006 13:00

    First off, Patriots are going to the Super Bowl again this year. You read it here first. Secondly, if Lindsay Lohan manages to make it through 2007 without winding up in a casket, THAT, my friends… will be a miracle. Thirdly, remember when Nicole was actually hot? Ah, those were the day, eh?

  5. avatar
    Lesley 12/27/2006 13:50

    So what, Lindsay spent the evening at a bar celebrating Jesus’ birthday? I heard she had Reese’s cups and whiskey for Thanksgiving, never mind that was me.

  6. avatar
    12/27/2006 14:03

    Carrie Underwood couldn’t have picked a WORSE time to start giving Tony Romo some ass. His career is officially over before it even got started good.

  7. avatar
    WilliamtheBloody 12/27/2006 15:22

    As the guy who showed up at the bar around 2:30 and personally escorted Lindsay back to her hotel room and into a pair of gold handcuffs, I can totally verify this story. As an aside, doing lines off her ass on Christmas morning was more special than any other day of the week. It really is a magical time of year.

  8. avatar
    Zack 12/27/2006 15:54

    I can’t think of a good joke myself, so if anyone wants to fill in the blanks please be my guest: “____________ _____ _______ Lindsay Lohan ________ _______ White Christmas ______ pathetic cocaine-addled whore ________ ___________!”

  9. avatar
    Zack 12/27/2006 15:56

    Add Tony Romo to the mounting pile of evidence that Jessica Simpson is absolutely insufferable to spend time with and a terrible lay to boot.

  10. avatar
    mark07 12/27/2006 16:18

    I think it is just great to see that Nicole is picking clearly heterosexual males. It is a great step forward for her and I don’t think she should let a little cheating get in the way of her new found fondness for “not ghey” guys.

  11. avatar
    Doctress Leisa 12/27/2006 16:38

    Okay Zack, here goes: A clearly shit-faced *Lindsay Lohan* gave new meaning to the words *White Christmas* when she let WilliamtheBloody snort lines off of her ass at the Chateau Marmont after blowing away an 8-ball herself. When reached for comment, William said, “What *a pathetic cocaine-addled whore*. But boy, she sure sucks a mean dick!”

  12. avatar
    Aaron 12/27/2006 16:39

    I think this might be a serious problem for the cowpokes. I’m distracted from working just looking at that picture of Carrie Underwood, and I don’t have 300 pound men chasing me. Maybe they better get Bledsoe back in there… Oh, wait…

  13. avatar
    Jim 12/27/2006 16:58

    When did Carrie Underwood get hot?

  14. avatar
    Zack 12/27/2006 17:50

    Well done, Doctress – that made me laugh until my stomach hurt.

  15. avatar
    Doctress Leisa 12/27/2006 19:07

    Thanks, Zack. Hey, you are house-sitting right up the street from me–why don’t you and your wench and our local LA Durdenites get together on my birthday Saturday and go for coffee?

  16. avatar
    mark07 12/27/2006 21:49

    LA Durdenites? Vapid but yet deep enought to blow up a credit card building. Willing to kick ass, as long as it is properly supervised by their lawyer. Schizophrenic but…. Oh you got me there. Go an have your little schizophrenic “hate the system” party without me.

  17. avatar
    Lightdragon 12/27/2006 21:58

    William’s story is half right. the only flaw was that he was watching me do that to her while he was hiding in the closet.Didn`t know he was there until I heard a little girl scream . Checked it out and boy did he run away.

  18. avatar
    Cracker 12/27/2006 22:57

    Underwood will bang Romo only a few times more – until she sees what a shit player he really is. This will prompt her to search for a real man, landing her sweet ass right on my doorstep. Underwood, Under Me. Checkmate, bitches!

  19. avatar
    Doctress Leisa 12/27/2006 23:23

    My birthday is Saturday, Any Durdenites want to do coffee? Just show up and you will give me my present by your presense.

  20. avatar
    Doctress Leisa 12/27/2006 23:25

    And bring me the body of mark, who is pissing me off, but would make great sushi.

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