02.28.2007 BEYONCES GOT THE HEP. MAYBE.

The Los Angeles County Department of Public Health issued a warning yesterday to everyone who attended the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue party on Valentine's Day that they may have been exposed to acute hepatitis A after it was revealed that an employee of Wolfgang Puck Catering was recently diagnosed with the disease.  The health department is warning everyone who attended the party to get an immune globulin shot by today.   The guest list who may have been exposed includes Beyonce Knowles, Leo DiCaprio's girlfriend Bar Rafaeli, Marissa Miller, Joanna Krupa and basically all of the models who appear in the swimsuit issue.  TMZ says:

When contacted, a rep from Puck's catering company would not tell TMZ which other events Puck catered, nor would they reveal how many other people may have been exposed to the illness. They did say, however, that no one who attended Sunday's Governor's Ball at the Academy Awards is at risk.

God, I hope Marisa Miller gets hep, because that's when I make my move.  I may even meet her outside the clinic with a boombox over my head.  She may be finally be damaged enough for me to have a shot.  I've dreamt about sex with her for like 8 years now.  Turning her down because of a little thing like the hep would be like turning down a ride on the Millennium Falcon because they weren't showing a good movie.  I'm not gonna lie to you, the odds of me getting hepatitis are pretty good anyway, so once Marisa and I both have it, well now the fun really begins, my friends.




(72) Comments

  1. First!! 02/28/2007 09:59

    First!!

  2. sheepsteeth 02/28/2007 10:00

    Second

  3. slip 02/28/2007 10:01

    Fourth!

  4. Joe 02/28/2007 10:02

    Ladies, allow me to give you a shot of glob…a-natural. Hey now…

  5. bryce 02/28/2007 10:04

    Arf! A well placed biological weapon and half the world’s hotties are destroyed! Muahhahahah!

  6. Huge Taco Man 02/28/2007 10:05

    With the amount of travelling that all these people do, I’d be surprized if everyone didn’t already have their twinrex’s.

  7. Michael 02/28/2007 10:07

    Last!!!

  8. eadgrid 02/28/2007 10:09

    ninth

  9. Michael 02/28/2007 10:09

    Oh goddamnit, eadgrid. Oh wait never mind. LAST!! WOOOHOOO!!!

  10. Doctress Leisa 02/28/2007 10:13

    Tell me Acute Hepatitis causes a fatal and gruesome death–because watching so many beautiful models die at once covered in sores, their looks ruined and their livers shot, would be awesome. We can call it The Great Model Extinction of 2007. Kind of like the dinosaurs, but with better tits.

  11. Anthony 02/28/2007 10:19

    Apart from the hoop earings the girl in the foreground bears no resemblance to the picture of the girl in the background.

  12. Evil Malcom Norris 02/28/2007 10:21

    No one dies from Hep A.

  13. The_Doctor 02/28/2007 10:21

    Is it just me or does Marisa Miller have a rock on her finger? Come on, own up…Which motherfucker rubbed the magic lamp?!

  14. Ryan13 02/28/2007 10:22

    She kind of looks like The Joker on that cover. The eyebrows really don’t help.

  15. Chunk Norris 02/28/2007 10:23

    Not Malcom, My evil Twin Brother!

    REGANOMICS!!!!!!

  16. Doctress Leisa 02/28/2007 10:24

    10:21 by Evil Malcom Norris–Damn it, Malcom! Don’t dash my dreams! I am hoping for a really evil strain, one that reduces a beautiful swimsuit model into a puddle of goo in record time.

  17. Doctress Leisa 02/28/2007 10:25

    Then you sick fuckers can stand around the hospital bed with straws and slurp up the modelly goodness.

  18. Evil Malcom Norris 02/28/2007 10:30

    Evil strain?

  19. PollyAnna 02/28/2007 10:36

    To quote a great man “But I want it now!”

  20. Chunk Norris 02/28/2007 10:36

    You heard the girl Wonka, name ur price!

You must be logged in to post a comment.