Jay-Z Is Only Love In An Elevator From Now On

October 6, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

With sister-in-laws you either want to fondle them or fight them. There’s no in-between. Just a perpetual lust or loathe relationship until you eventually get divorced.

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The Hurricane Harvey Telethon Is Here, Wheel Out Barbra Streisand

September 6, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Start with the obligatory, all charity money is good money. It’s trite and true and almost prevents you from making fun of Oprah and Barbra Streisand and George Clooney reprising their 9/11: A Tribute to American Heroes and the 2010 Hope for Haiti telethon roles in support of Hurricane Harvey relief.

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Beyoncé Wants You To Buy $300 Picture Book

August 23, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

WikiHow exists. It’s free. It’s the online version to get a general idea of how to do everything from hide a body to be an adult. Beyoncé exists. She does not believe in WikiHow or the general public’s competence.

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Beyoncé Looks Like Becky

July 24, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Prominent leaders of the outrage culture caused enough disturbance for Madame Tussauds to take a wax statue of Beyonce down. 

 

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Jay Z Laments His Menage in 4:44 Album

June 30, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

You have to credit Jay Z with providing he and his wife’s audience and the broader consumer public exactly what they want. With a straight face, unashamedly, we now own $300 million worth of homes in Bel Air, honey, if you’re wondering why we do this.

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Beyonce Brings Twins Onto the World

June 14, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

There has yet to be a movie made creepier or more terrifying than simply following the Twitter feeds of Beyonce fans. They’ve got the nickname Beyhive. Cute at twelve. More Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders at thirty-two. 

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Beyoncé Bare Belly Push Party For Africa

May 22, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

A very pregnant Beyoncé celebrated her upcoming multiple reconstructive surgeries with an African-themed Carter Push Party at her home in Beverly Hills. 

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Amber Rose Hints at Fucking Jay Z

May 19, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

We’ve always had stupid people. There was simply never a way to raise a stupid person army until social media arose. You can now wrap yourself in a dummy quilt of daily beefs and perfect comebacks by, for, and between idiots.

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Beyonce Launches Scholarship For Women

April 26, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Beyonce has decided to award several college scholarships to women as part of the one year anniversary of her album Lemonade. The scholarships will be in the fields of creative arts, music, literature or African-American studies. This will help insure that the gender pay gap remains intact.

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Beyonce Cancels Coachella

February 24, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Musical genius Beyonce cancelled her performance at Coachella which would have left anyone with a decent head on their shoulders questioning what they paid for. She’s apparently too pregnant to perform.

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