None of these guys really sound like they're gonna be picking up boulders with their oversized brains, but TMZ has an incredible interview this morning with three men who say they were in the car that Lindsay Loahn basically stole when she was arrested Tuesday morning for DUI. They were at the party in Malibu with Lindsay when her assistant quit, sending Lindsay into a "rampage". They say Lindsay was drunk and possibly high at the time and she took their white GMC Denali and raced down Pacific Coat Highway at 100 miles per hour, running red lights and chasing her assistant. When they tried to grab the wheel and force Lindsay to stop, Lindsay said, "If you touch me I'll sue you." When they asked her to stop and warned her they might get caught, Lindsay said, "I can't get in trouble. I'm a celebrity. I can do whatever the fuck I want." TMZ says:
The guys say Lindsay then began to chase (her assistant) at speeds of up to 80 MPH through Santa Monica, blowing multiple red lights.
Dante realized the mother (of the assistant) was driving to the police station and warned Lindsay if she didn't stop she'd get in hot water. He says Lindsay responded, "I'm a celebrity. I'm not going to get in trouble."
The two cars stopped in a parking lot near the cop shop. When police arrived, Dante says it seemed as if Lindsay told officers, "I wasn't driving. The black kid was driving."
Dante and Jakon say they saw Lindsay flunk the field sobriety test. They say when she tried touching her nose, she almost fell over.
As Ronnie put it "It was pretty much the worst night of my entire summer."
It's not clear at what point Lindsay put on someone else's pants stuffed with cocaine, but whatever. Lindsay has big boobs and she wears clothes that fit like the band around a barrel, so who am I really supposed to believe. She could be an invincible cyborg sent from the future to kill me for all I care. Especially since, if she is an invincible cyborg sent from the future to kill me, maybe she can be reprogrammed to spread a message of love. Or to blow me.
(videos 2, 3 and 4 after the jump)
First. Haven't read it yet. Just so damned excited to be here.
Damn, Brendan's up early this morning.
Wow, she's a lot more fun than I thought.
They should have asked her if she muttered anything about 'Sarah Conner.' Or maybe she was having Herby flashbacks.
She's even hotter now. Crazy chics are the best lays, and she's 100% pure NIMH quality boil-the-pet-rabbit whacked.
But really, the important thing is that she has a positive self image, and can handle rejection well. You can bet nobody is going to screw up her drive through orders from now on, or forget the cinnamon sprinkles on her laite.
They should have asked THEM
a black guy involved in stealing and drugs??? it couldn't be. awwww hell let the porch monkey free and let the packie go too, send the white trash to jail
What a dip shit. That firecrotch is ugly as hell. I hope her shitty 'career' is over.
If Firecrotch's "career" as an actress is over, it sounds like she could be a stunt driver.
I have to say I was a little disappointed. I thought Ashy Larry was carrying a cane just to be gangsta stylin. Unfortunately, he actually got his foot run over by our beloved coked-out princess.
Like the LA cops are gonna believe anything a black man says over a rich, young, white celebrity. Pshaw!
It was my fault
Freaking AWESOME! With the exception of her tits, I wasn't much of a fan until hearing that.
Nice job Frank - ya nailed it: that bitch is the Freckled Terminator!
That was a right badass cane! Gotta get me one of them canes. Oh, and we should just have the guys from precrime round up all the female celebs and give them all a month in jail, then let 'em do whatever they want.
Was that Joakim Noah?
oh, and "the black kid did it"?
Holy crap Ms. Richards, welcome to your second career. You'll be working first scene with Jon and Travis. Jon's a sixty film guy, Travis is a newb. It's going to be standard teacher-student-principal stuff, starting with Jon and yourself in the waiting area, shortly being called into Travis's office for punishment. Then it will be standard fuck/suck, rotate players after 5 mins; then double penetration - we agreed on anal right? - and a double cumshot. Just follow Jon's lead - he's a pro. Here's $1,000. The rest when we cut.
Those guys left out the part where they pulled a train with LiLo in the backseat.
That could explain the "not my pants" defense.
i'm with lohan on this..
The three of them must be gay because if she jumped into my car while being wasted the only quotes from Lindsay would have sounded like this:
"mmmphpphmmm"
"mmmphmmm",
"urp",
"don't put it in that hole",
"wash it off before you put it back in my mouth"
"Dammit - now you got goo all over my pants, I ll have to change them".
As Ronnie put it "It was pretty much the worst night of my entire summer."
That made me laugh. His entire summer. The night it thunder stormed and The Office was a repeat was pretty bad too.
i'm seeing lindsay in a red pvc jumpsuit on the set of her next (if she lives) movie 'Firecrotch Run'
Think about this video and the "boys" testimony. Is a judge or jury going to believe beyond a "reasonable doubt" that this hot little big-titted drunken cum-soaked whore overpowered three guys and took their car WHILE THEY SAT IN IT?
I am sure it happened the way they claim but they must be major league pussies to let her get away with it.
Why not just roll her up in a pool towel, drive her to the bottom of the drive-way and fuck her brains out?
Why, you ask?
Because they had already done that three time this week and were looking forward to driving home and quieroing some Taco Bell.