CUBA GOODING CAN’T SEAL THE DEAL

Okay, so it's Sunday, and as Jesus always says, Sundays are for nursing hangovers.  As such, it's sort of a slow news day.

Anyway, some really long-winded chick from NYU was apparently hanging out with Cuba Gooding Jr. (married, three kids) all night at a club, but then rejected him as it got closer to sexy time.  

cuba and i bonded over our love for justin timberlake, and he's dancing all up on me. legit, cuba's crouch is up against me and he is grinding like it's nobody's business.

Be happy you're getting excerpts of this – this girl tells a story like only a vacuous chick can, peppering it with long segues, useless tangential information, and allusions to people we don't know and places we don't care about.  I'm tired of her already.  But what about Cuba?

as we're talking he's runninghis hands up my legs, pinching my thigh, etc. he asks me what i'm doing "later on", and then goes "i just want to hook up" (exactly what he said i swear on my life).

The direct approach.  I hear that works, but I rarely have to ask, so I don't know.  Plus, the girl's usually passed out.

now, lord knows why, but i'm just not in the mood to have sex with an oscar winner that night so i tell him how i have to help my roommate move the next morning.

Wow, he had to feign interest in this bitch all night only to hear a lame ass excuse like that?  Poor bastard.  Maybe she saw Daddy Day Camp.  That would dry anyone's vagine.