Star magazine, via Celebitchy, says that Tom Cruise is planning to build a … wait for it … wait for it … a 10 million dollar underground bunker in Colorado to prepare for the arrival of Xenu, his alien god who is at the heart of scientology. Star says:
Devout Scientologist Tom Cruise plans to build a $10 million bunker under his Telluride, Colorado, mansion, a source tells Star! Equipped with a high tech air-purifying system, “it’s a self-contained underground system where up to 10 people can survive for years.” Apparently, Scientologists believe that the evil deposed galactic ruler Xenu is set to attack Earth, and they’ll need a safe place to survive.
I'm pretty sure that when someone is this dumb, they can be declared legally dead. So, it's with great sadness that I report the passing of Tom Cruise: Actor, Father, Beloved Husband. The End.
Second ?
I'm not afraid of Xenu, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy will keep me safe.
But what if he's right ???
4th
I just want to post something so….
Fllfaksfdkjwoeihf hvbqerhiuhqpeirufh
Wow, who know I was so witty this early in the morning.
i wonder if when Xenu returns hes going to get into it with him/her/it yelling things like "I'M YOUR MOTHERFUCK-AAAAAAAAAA" and "SHOW ME THE MON-AAAAAAAY" …i can only assume that this Xenu thing looks a lot like Cuba Gooding Jr.
Next time, we watch Tom make out with John Travolta as Katie Holmes and Kelly Preston dyke each other out. By the way, the latter scenario would be ex-cellent.
10th or something…
This guy is such a cock ass. And here, here to the Katie/Kelly dykefest. The second one I bet is a handful.
Kick ass! I think we’re going to see an accelerating arc of BATSHIT crazy from Tommy. Where’s the popcorn? Certainly more entertaining than his movies, that’s for goddamned sure.
Xenu is my homeboy
This is why I should be an extremely overpaid consultant to the stars. Tom only needs to go to this website:
http://www.missilebases.com
and he'll find the taxpayers of America have already prepared his underground layyerr. Another plus: looks like its also zombie-proof. Yea.
Xenu is so evil that the first thing he's gonna do when he strikes is fuck up Tom Cruise's nerd shelter.
Xenu is my co-pilot.
Wow, if he wants to piss all of his money away why not do so on drugs and hookers like a normal celebrity?
There's like this constant theme of hiding for Tom, isn't there? Underground bunkers, hiding in closets, etc. Someone must have played a lot of Freeze Tag as a child since he was so small no one ever wanted to play Hide and Seek with him…except that drunk uncle. And that wasn't rwally Hide and Seek, it was more like Hide the Salami and Keep Your Fucking Mouth Shut or I'll Kill Your Mom.
19th?
Why does his God want to attack Earth? Why would his God attack his followers? I need to get my apostate ass up to Telluride and make my peace with these guys. However - I have secured for myself three golden rings, 4 additional Xatacl swords, three magazines of N!frobo neutron bullets, and "All Defenders" GHlbaso shield.
With these weapons I bet I could get to the tenth level before Nicole Kidman knew I was inside.
Also - how do you know Tom's nuts are tiny?
it was for a moment, anyways.
Tom Cruise, there's nothing I can say about him that we don't already know.
And anoither thing - his mother is cute.