BRITNEY IS GOING TO DIE SOON

It really feels like Britney Spears should have snapped months ago and done something crazy again.  This bitch better hurry up.  She’s getting boring.  I just hope she doesn’t kill herself.  Although that would be good for my numbers.  Okay, in hindsight, and I’m not entirely sure how this sort of thing works, but if she could kill herself twice that would really help me out.  Looks like the first one is on the way:

"She was going, like, 90 down Sunset and on PCH (Pacific Coast Highway). She was going that fast for 15 to 20 minutes," an eyewitness tells PageSix.com, adding that one member of the paparazzi was arrested for trying to keep up."She was swerving and not paying attention to the cars in front of her. At one point she sort of stepped on her breaks really suddenly and you could hear the tires screeching."

She's been wearing this same outfit for two days now and she drives like she doesn't care if she lives or dies, so it sounds like she's pretty profoundly depressed.  According to my sources, it's because the farmer told her that if they injected the pigs with caramel, they would just die.  They won't have a caramel center, they'll just die.  And Britney said, "but … but I wanted da carmel piggy."  And then her bottom lip quivered, and she got real sad, and she just kinda shuffled away with her shoulders slumped.  Awww.