By brendon February 04, 2008 @ 10:01 AM

Alicia Keys, Paula Abdul and Jordin Sparks were three of the big performers at last nights Super Bowl, unless you include Tom Petty, whose band took time off from brisk walks around the mall and using their car bumper to beg me to ask about their grandkids. Of the three chicks, Keys was clearly the best, and it really wasn’t even remotely close considering she was the only one who actually sang. Page Six says:

Paula not only faux sang her way through “Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow” but even the dancing, which was once her strongest skill, was weaker than the drinks they were serving at the concession stands. But the American Idol judge wasn’t the only one affiliated with the show to come up short — Jordin Sparks, last season’s champ had the honor of singing The National Anthem.
While Jordin did sound amazing, much of that was thanks to the backing track which was painfully obvious at several points during the performance. Fueling the lip sync fires was the fact that mere moments after Jordin delivered her rendition, a full version of the song was available on iTunes for 99 cents.

You can watch Paula again in the video above.  Then you can stir some household cleaners with your dick or maybe stand behind a donkey while a friend throws rocks at it's balls and decide which is more fun.  Keep in mind, donkeys are funny!

(121) Comments

  1. avatar
    BabaBooey 02/04/2008 10:13

    I can't believe there's no comments about this post…not including this post.

  2. avatar
    Dirty Hairy 02/04/2008 10:17


  3. avatar
    Primo 02/04/2008 10:17

    Tom Petty rocked…… lip sinking faux singers….noooooo…..say it aint's so.



  4. avatar
    BabaBooey 02/04/2008 10:21

    Did you notice that Paula didn't allow any backup dancers that were skinnier or hotter than her?

    Also, I think it takes that many people on a daily basis just to get her from one place to the next, in much the same way that dolphins swarm around a shark to distract it and keep it from devouring everything in sight.

  5. avatar
    Holodigm 02/04/2008 10:21

    eh Paula's what, 60? I don't expect much from someone that old, I respect her for just getting on stage.

  6. avatar
    gravy donor 02/04/2008 10:23

    I you watch close you will see Tom Petty die twice during his performance.

  7. avatar
    Al Gore 02/04/2008 10:24

    BEST VIDEO EVER@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. avatar
    Pennsylvania's Finest 02/04/2008 10:25

    oooohh. the dangers of field level seats. i hope the tickets had a disclaimer.


    Ps: looks like she had a few extra of those red pills

  9. avatar
    Kristin 02/04/2008 10:25

    Come on. She's twice as old as Britney and at least she kept her shit together for the performance. I was just thanking God that she didn't have a wardrobe malfunction because I ate a lot of chips and salsa.

    Tom Petty is awesome. 

  10. avatar
    BabaBooey 02/04/2008 10:25

    What is this world coming to when Tom Petty and the Heart Attacks can't or won't perform their songs live?  These douchebags that arrange entertainment for the Super Bowl big game are so fucking afraid that real singing won't be good enough for your average retarded viewer.

    I can't wait to see the Hannah Montana / Billy Ray Cyrus half-time show next year!

  11. avatar
    TW 02/04/2008 10:28

    Keys' thighs looked bigger than Strahan's in those snow leopard pants.Haha.


  12. avatar
    Ass Tagger 02/04/2008 10:29

    Would it kill Jordin Sparks to lose a few pounds?   Crikey, she's on TV in front of MILLIONS of people and, without the poodge, she's actually quite fetching.

  13. avatar
    there's no troubles, bubbles 02/04/2008 10:29

    whatever, dude.  Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers rocked the joint.  It is clear that you're a raging fag since you'd take a bunch of bitches over classic rock.  

  14. avatar
    RKHessel 02/04/2008 10:32

    <>It seems that all Paula Abdul threads start with "She's still got it".

                                 Got What?

    And won't anti-biotics take care of it?

  15. avatar
    RKHessel 02/04/2008 10:33

    "Classic Rock"= Safe half-time show


    That is All 

  16. avatar
    Al Gore 02/04/2008 10:34

    I was hoping Paula would do a video about fucking Matt Damon, that would have twisted the knife deeping into Kimmel!!!

  17. avatar
    Jayms 02/04/2008 10:37

    Of all the amazing singers and dancers in the WORLD, why Paula Abdul?

  18. avatar
    RKHessel 02/04/2008 10:40

    Jayms, because she's a cold hearted snake

               Now look into her eyes…….

  19. avatar
    The Chronic Masturbater 02/04/2008 10:40

    Guess what my halftime show included?

  20. avatar
    The Chronic Masturbater 02/04/2008 10:41

    Guess what my halftime show included…

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