LINDSAY’S DAD SAYS SHE’S GAY

Lindsay’s idiot mom may still be in complete denial that her daughter has switched sides, but at least her dad has his eyes open.  The Sun UK says…

Michael has admitted rumours surrounding Lindsay’s close bond with Sam are true, insisting their romance “is evident to anyone with half a brain”.  Michael compared his disappointment at facing the facts of his daughter’s sexuality to the nude MARILYN MONROE spread she did for New York magazine earlier this year.  He told Us magazine: “Just like the Marilyn Monroe spread, Linds is my daughter and there are things a father doesn’t want to see or hear, regardless of whether they are true or false.  Lindsay is a big girl, and she can make her own life choices. Then it is between her and God.”

I can't believe how boring this story is.  Lindsay Lohan is having sex with girls.  That should be the most awesome thing ever, but her girlfriend is ugly, and ugly people ruin everything.  Why do they have to be that way?  I hope it won't sound like I'm bragging, but I'm fucking hot.  Yesterday at Target (i heart target) I saw some ugly people buying astroglide.  I asked them what they thought they were doing, and they said it was so they could swallow their donuts whole and not waste time biting and chewing.  And I said, I knew it.  I always suspected they were doing that.