LINDSAY AT MTV MOVIE

The rumor was that Lindsay Lohan wanted to make a big splashy return to public life after a few months in relative anonymity, and she was gonna choose the MTV Movie Awards to do it.  Suffice to say, her plan sucked because she looks like hell.  She looks okay on the carpet, but before, she looked like this.  She looks so much older than she really is (21).  But not to worry.  If there’s one thing I know about trends in Hollywood, it's that actresses last forever.  Once they’re popular, they're on top to stay.  It's like a lifetime pass to do whatever you want.  You’ll still have a job waiting for you, whenever you get around to it, so just take your time and have some fun.  I asked Alicia Silverstone and Wynona Ryder about this very thing just the other day, to which Alicia pointed at my hoagie and replied, "are you going to finish that?”  I didn't get what she meant, but HAHAHAHA I said to buy time until I did.