During his uncomfortably unfunny opening monologue, Russell Brand made some jokes about the Jonas Brothers and Promise Rings. Jordin Sparks (I have no idea who that is) took offense, so when she went on stage to introduce TI, she said something about how promise rings are cool, and not everyone wants to be a slut. And it really made me think. Jordin Sparks is cool. I wonder if all the other kids who never have sex are just as neato? Later I forgot this lesson and banged a hot Asian chick with big tits. I had barely even gotten my pants back on before I started to realize what a lame loser I am.