morning headlines

TITTIES – I don’t know which college humor editor got dumped by Amanda, but matching her against Brittany in this bikini contest really can’t be considered anything other than sarcastic.  She would have a better chance playing tennis against Roger Federer, even if someone tied her shoes together and her racket was upside down.  (source = college humor)

NATASHA RICHARDSON – Natasha Richardson suffered a severe brain injury yesterday while skiing in Quebec.  Her husband Liam Neeson was filming in Toronto but rushed to her side.  Natasha was on a beginner level slope when she tumbled and fell.  She didn’t hit anything and there were no signs of injury, but an hour later her head started to ache and she was soon taken to the hospital.  That was some vivid storytelling wasn’t it?  You probably felt like you were actually there, witnessing the events in real time, but try to catch your breath and let's keep going.  (source = tmz)

MADONNA – Catharina Franca is an 18-year-old model from Brazil, and she dated Jesus Luz for 18 months.  Madonna is a 50-year-old female impersonator from Detroit, and she dates Jesus Luz now.  “When I heard about him and Madonna I couldn’t believe it.  She is a ridiculous old bag, jumping around on stage at her age,” Catharina said.  And she’s right.  Madonna's vag must feel like it's made out of wood. (source = the Sun UK)

PATRICK SWAYZE – I’m not technically a doctor, but I think it's safe to say Patrick Swayze isn’t doing so great with his pancreatic cancer.  But he's not giving up, even though many predicted he would have died by now.  So suck on that naysayers.  (source = fame pictures)