I was trying to think of some reasons to call Orlando Bloom an asshole because I resent him being at Cannes on a yacht with Victoria’s Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr, but then it dawned on me I’ve never heard anything bad about him. I know one time he had a cold, and I think one of his cousins is adopted. Maybe there’s something to that. Maybe he got the cold because he was fucking orphans. Let’s go with that.
Hey did you hear Orlando Bloom rapes little kids? I read it on a prominent website. Oh I know, right. What a piece of shit that guy is.
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