afternoon headlines

HANDSOME MAN ALERT – Alan Dale Lee was arrested in Pasco County, Florida this weekend for stabbing a man in the stomach with a knife. The key to surviving prison is to stay under the radar. Don’t stand out. In other words, goodbye Alan. (splash)

THE HOBBIT – New Line Cinema, who made ‘the Lord of the Rings’ movies, has settled a lawsuit with the estate of JRR Tolkien claiming they were owed over 150M. The suit would have blocked the studio from making two more movies based on Tolkien’s ‘The Hobbit’. I guess the family took the hint when I dressed up as Gandolph and called their house and said, “drop thy legal shields or thou’ist are dead.” And then I waved my wand over the phone and added, “WAAAJAAAA!” (reuters)

HOLLYWOOD – The major studios made rang up 5 billion dollars in tickets sales this summer, with the ‘Transformers’ sequel the top earner at just over 400M.  It’s the most popular thing that sucks since Lindsay Lohan.  (variety)

LINDSAY LOHAN – Speaking of, they call this a “camel-toe alert” but that seems understated. It’s more like she has an invisible hand down her pants. (mirror UK)