These pictures of Bar Refaeli at last nights Vanity Fair party got me wondering where Jewish people rank her on lists of great Jews throughout history. Jews love organizing things, so I knew they would have plenty of lists like that, and I was right. But then things quickly took a perplexing turn. It seems crazy, but none of the lists I found even had her in the top 5? Oh I know, right? What the hell is that all about?
Moses, Abraham, David and Jesus were in most of the top 5 lists because of their miracles and religious leadership, but if all 4 of them were doing pretty much the same thing, how hard could it have really been? Meanwhile there’s only one Bar. So those 4 are out.
That leaves only Einstein, whose Theory of Relativity showed how a large amount of energy could be released from a small amount of matter. This would eventually lead to the atomic bombs that killed 250,000 Japanese in WWII. Unlike Einstein’s insatiable thirst for blood and hunger to kill, Bar sends only a message of love and peace.
So do these new findings mean that Bar Refaeli is the greatest Jew of all time? According to the data, yes. Yes she is.