friday afternoon headlines

By brendon April 02, 2010 @ 7:38 PM


JESSE JAMES - is hoping time in rehab and some privacy will save his marriage. He also thinks maybe some aspirin will bring Brittany Murphy back to life. (the ap)

DINA LOHAN - says the report that Lindsay was behind on her rent is a complete lie and Lindsay is doing great. Man, what a relief. I was worried that Lindsay might be in some kind of trouble. Seems silly in hindsight. (radar)

LINDSAY LOHAN - did bounce her rent checks, but other than that, the story about being behind on her rent is a complete lie. So see, Lindsay did send a check. It’s the thought that counts. (tmz)

JESSICA SIMPSON - says women shouldn’t change just to please a man. “If you’re ever with anyone who says you should change something about yourself then they should never fall in love with you in the first place.” Stay rigid and never compromise, that’s the key to a good relationship, says the girl who is divorced and has no boyfriend. (popeater)

TYLER READERS UNITE - and go to College Humors ‘Hottest College Girl’ contest and vote for Nikki (last girl, south region) because she reads Tyler too and asked me to do this. She’s impossibly gorgeous, has a perfect body and does kegstands in a bikini. Not only should she win, they should rename the championship trophy after her. (contest, facebook)

(53) Comments

  1. avatar
    iwontrememberthis 04/02/2010 19:43

    Counterpoint: no.

  2. avatar
    SALAJ 04/02/2010 19:45

    If you are looking for a partner based on lifestyle and physical chemistry as well as personal beliefs and common interests, you may try ** ––** Good Luck:)

  3. avatar
    pepper 04/02/2010 20:50

    Nikki = crap…

  4. avatar
    rulerofnations 04/02/2010 21:02

    This Nikki girl looks different in each picture depending on how many buckets of makeup she’s applied to her face. And by “different” I mean completely average.

  5. avatar
    Squabbler 04/02/2010 21:03

    Why the fuck is someone from Kansas in the south bracket? And her boobies look much bigger than Bs.

  6. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/02/2010 22:24

    I’d be more impressed if she started blowing the llama. Since when does this site advertise to other sites? Or is he shilling to some broad who may or may not read this site?

  7. avatar
    Rokan 04/02/2010 22:42


    My mom will hear you.

  8. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/02/2010 22:45

    Sorry, I’ll whisper. Should I go outside to smoke or will she smell it? I don’t want her to call MY mother.

  9. avatar
    Rokan 04/02/2010 22:45

    And regarding Nikki . . . .


    Either stuff a cock in this cunt’s cake-hole, or shut the fuck up.


    Rokan’s Mother’s Therapist.

  10. avatar
    Rokan 04/02/2010 22:47

    Hi, Steff,

    Just put my son to bed and time for a bowl.

    Sorry about the profanity. I hate the over-importance put on future gold-digging coke-whores like this little skank.

  11. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/02/2010 22:48

    Wow…you can see the future. I didn’t know wookies read crystal balls and tarot cards. It’s an easter miracle!

  12. avatar
    Rokan 04/02/2010 22:53


    I’m from a long time ago. In George Lucas’s circular theory of past and present . . . this has already happened and will be happening in times not yet visited, all at the same time, some of which are the tomorrow that happened two days ago.

    I can explain it all mathematically . . .

    :: Starts digging through foot locker for abacus ::

    Plus, if this chick doesn’t have “cock-sucking-trophy wife” written all over her, then I am a monkey’s uncle.

  13. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/02/2010 22:57

    They used to teach me retard math with an abacus. Memories. Some old Italian woman gave me 2 percocets, if I take those with weed will it be bad? You are, after all, part pharmacist.

  14. avatar
    Rokan 04/02/2010 23:00


    I would not take both, not that it wouldn’t be awesome, but one with some weed will be a very nice little Friday evening for you. Save the 2nd for a rainy day.
    Course, I don’t know what your preferred level of excess is . . . so, C’est le Vie!!!

  15. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/02/2010 23:04

    Well, too late. I’m not going anywhere today, so it looks like a mental trip is in order. Intoxicated phone calls for everyone! Hide some eggs, or does your species not do that?

  16. avatar
    Rokan 04/02/2010 23:07


    I still color eggs with my kids. I like to color on them with crayons first. Its quite an undertaking.

    I am very traditional.

  17. avatar
    Rokan 04/02/2010 23:07

    Should I watch Sportscenter, or Footloose?

  18. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/02/2010 23:10

    You’re supposed to dip! It’s ok, in a Greek house you smash red eggs everywhere. That will be my Sunday. I think Footloose, from what I remember, Kevin Bacon does a really violent dance in a junkyard. I would prefer you watch Mannequin over all, starring the fantastic Andrew McCarthy

  19. avatar
    Rokan 04/02/2010 23:19

    Not a Mannequin fan. I just don’t buy it.

    I have some really good grass these days.

  20. avatar
    Steffabulous 04/02/2010 23:23

    There’s nothing to buy. It’s a catastrophic fail of a movie.
    You are one lucky, hairy bastard. They just have mellow shit here. I like to get high, not buzzed. I feel as though, my head is full of static right now. It’s really quite pleasant.

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