Jake Gyllenhall and Taylor Swift are official… ly boring

Jake Gyllenhaal (who turns 30 in 3 weeks) and Taylor Swift (who turns 21 in 2 weeks) are officially dating, according to Us magazine. Oh, the excitement.

Us has the first photos of Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal’s romantic Thanksgiving Day weekend.
Arm in arm, the two looked more smitten than ever as they took an afternoon stroll in Brooklyn’s Park Slope neighborhood
Dating for just five weeks, the romance is heating up.
“She loves his family and he loves hers,” says a Swift source.
Adds another pal, “It’s definitely serious.”

Hold on to your hats, because they also describe Taylor as “love-struck”. Well knock me down with a feather, why don’t you. I used to date a girl so clingy she liked to hold my dick when I took a piss. Taylor seems like that. Nuts.

Luckily for her Gyllenhaal is practically retarded and a mental blank slate so he probably won’t even notice. Here’s a timeline of what would happen if you hit that dummy in the head with a rock:

0:10 – Blank stare
0:20 – Blank stare
0:30 – “Heeyy, what the…”