Friday headlines

By brendon January 14, 2011 @ 4:30 PM

Captain America: The First Avenger

CAPTAIN AMERICA – has released a new pic, this time showing Chris Evans in full uniform during WWII. Long after we stopped using shields. Why did people stop using shields? Those seem helpful. (ew)

RYAN REYNOLDS AND SANDRA BULLOCK – are still doing all the things people do when they’re dating yet they claim their not dating. Now he’s reportedly bonding with her adopted son. So he went from 26yo Scarlett Johansson to a woman literally 20 years older with a baby. Is he dying or something? (us)

SELMA BLAIR – is pregnant. Will this interfere will her making more movies I’ll never see? There’s honestly no way to know. (star)

ALICIA SILVERSTONE – is also pregnant. Oh and I bet her body will just snap right back. She seems like that type. She’d never let herself go. I’ve got a good feeling about this one. (people)

(25) Comments

  1. avatar
    Gildorg 01/14/2011 16:33

    Gee, I wish I could something interesting about any of the things mentioned in the post above, but I honestly just don’t give a crap about any of the people mentioned…

    I hope the Captain America movie isn’t completely gay!

    Screw it! Time for a Four Martini Lunch!!! Bring back the power 80s!

  2. avatar
    i hate you 01/14/2011 16:34

    captain america gives brend@n a boner.

    i wish everyone would stop fucking hot celebrity woman it’s making me angry, not that silverstone is that hot.

  3. avatar
    rokan 01/14/2011 16:39

    Why is bird poop white?

    (Question submitted by Sarah Beth)
    Unlike mammals, birds don’t urinate. Their kidneys extract nitrogenous wastes from the bloodstream, but instead of excreting it as urea dissolved in urine as we do, they excrete it in the form of uric acid. Uric acid has a very low solubility in water, so it emerges as a white paste. This material, as well as the output of the intestines, emerges from the bird’s cloaca. The cloaca is a multi-purpose hole for birds: their wastes come out of it, they have sex by putting their cloacas together, and females lay eggs out of it.

    Am I the only one who didn’t know that birds don’t urinate. I guess i never saw a bird take a piss, but who knew?

  4. avatar
    Sono 01/14/2011 17:12

    wow, Ryan Reynolds made a serious downgrade there…

    Also, the more I see of the captain America movie, the more I find myself immediately lumping it into the same pile of shit category as the Fantastic Four movies or the first spiderman movie.

  5. avatar
    SsnakeOil 01/14/2011 17:17

    Rokan, if that’s the only thing you learn today it was a good day, indeed.

    BTW, who is Sarah Beth?

  6. avatar
    rokan 01/14/2011 17:20


    I am 45 years old and I didn’t know birds couldn’t take a piss.

    Only now do I know just how empty my cup truly is.

  7. avatar
    The Original Lo Rider 01/14/2011 17:20

    You are quite the cloacas, Rokan.

    Have a good weekend and Go Steelers!

  8. avatar
    SsnakeOil 01/14/2011 17:21

    So birds are the exact opposite of women — they have one hole that does three things.

  9. avatar
    rokan 01/14/2011 17:41

    Packers over Falcons
    Steelers over Ravens
    Seahawks over Bear
    Pats over Jets.

    That is all.

  10. avatar
    Observer 01/14/2011 18:28

    Ssnake Oil……

    ….very fucking clever…..

  11. avatar
    Observer 01/14/2011 18:31

    Rokan …….

    …does that web-site have any insight (Crikey, I’m clever) on why girls never poop and why they fart perfume?

  12. avatar
    Reeses Feces 01/14/2011 18:38

    I watched a show on desert animals and how they survive. There is a bird/vulture that vomits on itself to keep cool because it doesn’t sweat. If beastie-love was accepted that wouldn’t be a bad animal to fornicate with. It’s always lubricated.

  13. avatar
    Observer 01/14/2011 18:49

    Reeses Feces……

    …in Great Britain….I believe they fuck birds all the time…..

  14. avatar
    Chiefs420 01/14/2011 18:49

    Christ. A three post Friday. I guess he was full of shit about this site NOT SUCKING in the new year.

  15. avatar
    Reeses Feces 01/14/2011 19:11

    Observer, are you confusing birds with children?

  16. avatar
    Observer 01/14/2011 19:23

    Reeses Feces……

    …not in the context of my comment at 18:49……

    …other days……maybe….

  17. avatar
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  18. avatar
    MrAdams 01/15/2011 00:14

    What the hell is that thing? Sounds both bizarre and unsatisfying.

  19. avatar
    Douchebagjones 01/15/2011 02:23

    all i can say about capt america is wheres his fucking codpiece i was told there would be codpieces

  20. avatar
    Gildorg 01/15/2011 02:46

    I think Tom Jones took the Codpiece back…

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