morning headlines

SCARLETT JOHANSSON – is 26, and she’s “smitten” with Sean Penn, who is 50. Obviously Penn is a jackass but I hope I can still nail girls half my age when I’m 50. And that my wife won’t be all cunty about it. (us)

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS – will release it’s first trailer today, though it probably won’t be that great considering how far behind schedule this movie is. It comes out June 3rd and they’re still filming. At least they have a great director in Matthew Vaughn, so maybe he can pull this off. And maybe I’ll nail Megan Fox in the ass today. Pretending sure is fun. (facebook)

JENNIFER ANISTON – wants to move to Manhattan. Aww, but I finally move back to LA next month. And now she’s getting a house in New York? There’s no way I can throw a rock that far. (us)

ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO – is 29, and a mom, but thanks to things like this pilates class yesterday in Venice, she’s still the best looking girl on earth. It’s almost hard to believe how pretty she is. Like, if she rode there on a Pegasus, it would sort of make sense. (pacific coast)