Crystal Harris is a complete bitch

By brendon June 15, 2011 @ 4:55 PM


It’s hardly surprising that a 25-year-old model had ulterior motives when she got engaged to an 85-year-old media baron, but what is surprising is how far Crystal Harris was planning to go when it came to using Hugh Hefner (who, as you can tell by what would have been next months cover, had no idea what was coming).

Not only did she call off her engagement the same day that she released the first single off her debut record, and the same day she had a video go up on Funny or Die, and not only was she cheating on Hef with Dr. Phils son, but she was even shopping an interview to take place after she carried out her original break-up plan, which was to leave Hef at the alter.

Crystal Harris secretly planned to ditch the Playboy mogul at the altar in return for a $500,000 media deal, Page Six has learned.
Harris was shopping for a big-bucks deal to tell all after she ditched hapless Hef in front of 300 guests at their wedding at the Playboy Mansion on Saturday, to be filmed for a Lifetime TV special.
A source told us, “Crystal wanted to ditch Hef at the altar. Her plan was to walk up the aisle and say she couldn’t go through with it. The wedding was to be filmed for a reality special, and her refusal to marry him would be a sensation. She was looking for a tie-in deal of around $500,000 for the exclusive ‘I ditched Hef at the altar’ interview. While there was interest, Crystal didn’t get an offer anywhere near half a million.”

Wow. There’s cold and then there’s cold and then there’s this whore. I would try to shoot her but the evil bitch would probably just raise her arms and transform into a column of rats and then scurry away.

(41) Comments

  1. avatar
    Observer 06/15/2011 17:05

    …so…..SHE was using him…..?

    ….so sad….

  2. avatar
    Observer 06/15/2011 17:06

    Surely one would have expected some type of pre-nup which would pay more than 500K……

    ….she seems to have sold herself cheap…..

    …do chicks do that?

  3. avatar
    Observer 06/15/2011 17:08

    I wonder if she will appear on this website…..?

  4. avatar
    i hate you 06/15/2011 17:14

    i am so surprised that an aspiring to-be-famous, LA girl would do this. LA girls aren’t like this at all (this is thick with sarcasm).

    this is likely karma payback for hef taking advantage of young girl his entire life. it’s only fitting as he gets to his latter years this would happen.

    …….i think she deserves rough butt sex.

  5. avatar
    MrAdams 06/15/2011 17:14

    Has she started shopping the home-movies of herself stabbing Hef in the balls with an ice pick yet? Those are sure to rake in the cash!

  6. avatar
    i hate you 06/15/2011 17:15

    something in the title of this post tells me it’s not safe for work or home, obs.

  7. avatar
    SHOGGOTHSEX 06/15/2011 17:16

    Dear Hef:
    This is what happens when you defy My Will and live to be an 85 year old multimillionaire who fucks beautiful young women with no responsibilities or consequences. Ask Flynt to go for a walk and explain how it worked out for him.


  8. avatar
    Mr. Pickles 06/15/2011 17:19

    –singing with headphones in, dancing on stripper pole in spandex–

    –yelling over sound of headphones–

    –makes boooty clap for joust–

  9. avatar
    Observer 06/15/2011 17:22

    i hate you……@17:14……

    …first you condemn her and Hef…….

    …then you ask us to pleasure her…?

  10. avatar
    caballer0 06/15/2011 17:33

    The worst part about this story is that Holly Madison was right all along.

  11. avatar
    rokan 06/15/2011 18:14

    Observer at 17:08

    I just came in my pants.

    Do you have that beautiful goddess’s phone number?

  12. avatar
    i hate you 06/15/2011 18:18

    obs, yes. i hate all the hot california girls, but am very conflicted with also wanting to fuck them.
    strangely, it sounds a lot like marriage.

  13. avatar
    rokan 06/15/2011 18:23


    Where in a marriage do you have the desire to fuck your wife?

    Observer, feel free to chime in here.

  14. avatar
    i hate you 06/15/2011 18:47

    i think most guys wish they could fuck their wives and just can’t. i don’t know. i had great sex while i was married. then great sex after i was divorced.

    right now it’s a lot like flash gordon sticking his arm in those tree trunk. hoping you chose wisely.

  15. avatar
    Ron Burgandy 06/15/2011 19:03

    Hef should have one of her legs cut off and give her a wooden one to replace it. This silly bitch is a dirty, pirate hooker. She may as well play the part.

    I wouldn’t let Baxter hump her dirty, hooker leg.

  16. avatar
    rokan 06/15/2011 19:15

    I had great sex while I was married, but mostly with other people.

    I will say that once I told my ex I was leaving her she let me start fucking her in the ass.

  17. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 06/15/2011 19:18

    Hate, here is your scene.

  18. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 06/15/2011 19:30

    I had terrible sex while I was married. After I said” I do ” she said, ” I don’t “. We still fuck each other a lot, just not in the pleasurable way we all hope for.

  19. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 06/15/2011 19:32

    Did anybody find the bunny on the front cover?

  20. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 06/15/2011 20:10

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