someone tried to murder Joss Stone

By brendon June 15, 2011 @ 1:07 PM


Murder in England sounds really complicated, because police have arrested two men who were reportedly plotting to kill Joss Stone. With swords. She’s safe now but an APB has been issued for Captain Hook and Prince Humperdinck.

Two men have been arrested near Joss Stone’s home on suspicion of conspiracy to rob and murder, after reportedly being found in a car with swords, rope, a body bag, plans of her house (and) maps and aerial photos of her property.
…the men were arrested Monday morning near Stone’s house after residents reported a suspicious-looking vehicle.
Stone said in a statement that she was “absolutely fine and getting on with life as normal” as police faced a deadline to charge or release the suspects.

That map of her house was maybe the sort of thing they should have just memorized. You could maybe, maybe, bullshit your way around the swords and body bag, but not when they’re underneath a blueprint of the house your parked outside of. They might as well have had pictures of her with tomorrows date and X’s for eyes drawn over it.

(18) Comments

  1. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 06/15/2011 13:11

    I thought gun control over there was suppose to eliminate this kind of stuff. Do you think we can get these guys to go after Ke$ha?

  2. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 06/15/2011 13:17

    I think I know why they wanted her dead.

  3. avatar
    SCUM 06/15/2011 13:25

    I would stab her too, with my cock.

  4. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 06/15/2011 13:26

    Long, hard, deep, vigorous strokes. Fuck, cum, repeat.

  5. avatar
    Dr Poop 06/15/2011 13:30

    Her medical records show that she has a high level of uric acid in her last urine sample.
    The odds of her having a yeast infection are about 90%.

    She’s baking some bread down there. Count on it.

  6. avatar
    Craig328 06/15/2011 13:52

    Who is this and why should I care?

  7. avatar
    Long_Duk_Dong 06/15/2011 13:57

    Big Fat Yeast Rolls

  8. avatar
    i hate you 06/15/2011 14:01

    why the fuck would you want to kill her? she sings barefoot on stage and bounces around a lot.

    on another note, i wish portman had a daughter. that way i could be awkwardly attracted to her when she was 14, like i did her mom. it would only be right.

  9. avatar
    SCUM 06/15/2011 14:03

    Here you go pud pullers

  10. avatar
    SCUM 06/15/2011 14:05

    Holy hooters Batman

  11. avatar
    i hate you 06/15/2011 14:05

    scum, did i see xxx footage of her yesterrday? i swore i did. i only ask you bc you seem to be the resident ‘ass’ expert, figuratively obviously. dr. poop is the literal expert.

  12. avatar
    rokan 06/15/2011 14:18

    “conspiracy to rob and murder,”

    What, no rape?

    What a bunch of homos.

  13. avatar
    SCUM 06/15/2011 14:24

    No porn Hate, yet.

  14. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 06/15/2011 14:31

    Those were the best air brushed pics I have ever seen!

  15. avatar
    rokan 06/15/2011 14:32


    I don’t think that girl is human.

    You haven’t got any scratch n sniff pics do you?

  16. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 06/15/2011 14:36

    New up fart knockers!

  17. avatar
    Observer 06/15/2011 16:47


    …I’ll bet they were “crossing swords” when the cops pulled them out of the Miata…..

  18. avatar
    Observer 06/15/2011 16:49


    …excellent point……

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