Minka Kelly. Has a sex tape.

By brendon July 23, 2012 @ 11:15 AM


It seems like every celebrity sex tape always has at least one major problem. Either it’s a celebrity you never actually wanted to see have sex, or the footage shakes around like they’re being chased by the Cloverfield monster, or there’s some weird filter as if I’m hunting the girl in the dark like Predator.

Minka Kelly is prepared to take care of all of that.

Minka Kelly is the latest in a long line of actresses to star in a sex tape that is now being peddled to the highest bidder
The tape is shot in a semi-professional manner.  The camera is secured by a tripod and hooked up to a TV monitor, so both Minka and the BF can watch the action they create.  Minka is very aware of the camera.

The only issue is that the tape might have been made when she was still 17. And by “only issue” I mean as far as it being released. I’m fine with her being 17, because Minka and I have much more progressive views about sexuality, like they do in Europe.

(24) Comments

  1. avatar
    harleydavidson 07/23/2012 11:40

    i picked a hell of a time to have sex with actual women again.

    this tape could have provided me with months of locking myself in my house and non stop masturbatory pleasure.

    i guess ill just have to incorporate that into my schedule some how

  2. avatar
    Honkey Dong 07/23/2012 11:47

    I need more information before I decide whether this is a good thing or not. What flavor is the BF?

  3. avatar
    Papa 07/23/2012 11:55

    Who the hell would want to watch a minke whale humping? Oh…minka…got ya. Yeah, I might like that.

    Hemingway’s Foyer – Your Last Place To Be A Man

  4. avatar
    iSlomoshun 07/23/2012 12:36

    *Twirls Finger*
    I’ve got millions upon millions of porn sites of women that actually know how to fuck. Why the hell would anyone care about this average chick’s, shakey, out of focus attempt at fame?

  5. avatar
    Raymond K. Hessel 07/23/2012 12:37

    I’m with you Honkey Dong. Isn’t this chick a mudshark?

  6. avatar
    Mr. Pickles 07/23/2012 12:42

    I thought this week was going to suck. Things are looking up.

    PS. At 17 I doubt she had gone to the dark side yet. Jeter isn’t really black anyway. He also gave Jessica Alba herpes. Fuck the Yankees.


  7. avatar
    Mac-Daddy 07/23/2012 12:44

    I’d like to see this!

  8. avatar
    dubbya 07/23/2012 12:49

    Internetz don’t fail me now!

  9. avatar
    Rok 07/23/2012 12:50

    Thank you, God!

  10. avatar
    Mr. Poop 07/23/2012 12:51

    I don’t know whether to weep with joy, or cover up my raging boner with my briefcase.

  11. avatar
    RD 07/23/2012 12:52

    There had better be a a tape out there or I am going to get mad. Minka is hot. And if she is underage, they’d better arrest the dude for child rape and because he got the world excited to see a tape that they won’t be able to see.

  12. avatar
    Mr. Pickles 07/23/2012 13:08

    I will pay $75 for that tape, right now. Seriously.

  13. avatar
    Mr. Pickles 07/23/2012 13:27

    FINE! $300, this pack of gum, my Timex calculator watch and what’s left of this 8ball.

  14. avatar
    harleydavidson 07/23/2012 14:03

    hey pickles how much for whats left of that 8 ball?

  15. avatar
    The Narrator 07/23/2012 14:18

    If this gets released (or even pictures), my penis will thank the heaven every day.

  16. avatar
    Admiral 07/23/2012 14:19

    I doubt she was 17, but that makes for a good legal defense. Dammit.

  17. avatar
    Dr. Gonzo 07/23/2012 16:01

    I will be following this story closely as it develops.

  18. avatar
    Mr. Pickles 07/23/2012 18:20

    I am not leaving this post until something better comes along or they take my $300 offer.

  19. avatar
    Rok 07/23/2012 19:14

    I’m going to stay here forever.

    I want to sniff her ass so bad. I just want to bury my face in her perfect anus and slowly floss my teeth with the tiny, little, gossamer hairs that line her asshole like proud soldiers guarding the entrance to a cave of wonder, a place of hidden pleasures and probable diarrhea due to the high volume of kelp smoothies she drinks in order to keep her skin so soft and luxurious.

  20. avatar
    Mr. Poop 07/23/2012 19:15

    I;m with Rok’s worming finger on this one.

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