Yolanda Pecoraro could be the next Mrs. Tom Cruise

By brendon July 18, 2012 @ 8:09 PM


Yolanda Pecoraro, who for some reason is named “Yolanda” but isn’t black, is reportedly a candidate to become Mrs. Tom Cruise 4: Ghost Protocol. Not because she and Tom are in a successful relationship, but because she’s a Scientologist, and has been since she was 13, thanks to her parents, who are also Scientologists.

The Daily Mail says…

Another insider claims that then church will do whatever it takes to provide damage control to the very public divorce between Tom and Katie.
‘With the embarrassment his divorce has caused the church, they want to stabilize the situation quickly,’ the source said.
‘They also want to show that Tom has rebounded fast and that his new wife is beautiful and steeped in Scientology. If the church decides to make Yolanda Tom’s next wife, they’d certainly want her to have a child soon.
‘So she could quickly be going from her modest apartment to a mansion in Beverly Hills with a baby on the way. And there’s little doubt she’d do what’s best for the church.’

I’m not gonna lie to you; I don’t think that finding a young Latin girl for Tom Cruise to impregnate is gonna make anyone change their mind about Scientology being a cult. Now they’ll just think it’s a cult in Mexico.

(53) Comments

  1. avatar
    Rok 07/18/2012 20:35

    I bet her clam smells like puppy-breath

  2. avatar
    Dr Poop 07/18/2012 20:36

    She looks like she could use a good worming.

  3. avatar
    Mr. Poop 07/18/2012 20:37


  4. avatar
    Rok 07/18/2012 21:14

    Mind if I smoke a J?

  5. avatar
    Mr. Poop 07/18/2012 21:15

    Gilgorg, Goddmanit.

    Its not heroin for fuck’s sake.

    Now make me an Old Fashioned and we’ll just agree to disagree.

  6. avatar
    Observer 07/18/2012 21:24


    …what are some good rum drinks…..

    ..what about tequila?

    I need to learn to drink alcohol if I am going to become a marijuana head….

  7. avatar
    Observer 07/18/2012 21:33


    …doesn’t ring a bell……

  8. avatar
    Observer 07/18/2012 21:35

    Tom Cruise likes the Latinas…….

    …remember when he was boning Ricky Martin Penelope Cruz…??

  9. avatar
    Rok 07/18/2012 21:35


    Make me a Manhattan the way Dear Old Dad used to do it.

    And slide me down that bowl of Chex mix

  10. avatar
    Observer 07/18/2012 21:36

    In my humble opinion………

    ….I would think it weirder that Tom Cruise hooked-up with a new chick immediately rather than a man getting divorced was weird…..

  11. avatar
    Observer 07/18/2012 21:38

    Wow….those look friggin complicated…….!!!…..but thanks…

    ….tell me more about “Bourbon”…..

    …also….what can you drink that fits well into a brown paper bag……

  12. avatar
    Observer 07/18/2012 21:39

    By the Way Gildorg……

    ….where’d you get the Jihad Avatar…?

  13. avatar
    Observer 07/18/2012 21:46

    I had to go to Gravatar and register all my e-mail puppet addresses to get the wholesome picture I use over at the Holy Site…….

  14. avatar
    Observer 07/18/2012 21:47

    Everything I was (not) posting at Jihad came with NO avatar….until I asked how to get one…..

  15. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 07/18/2012 22:05

    Gildorg, I checked and I got nothing.

  16. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 07/18/2012 22:07

    Its the first thing I do.

  17. avatar
    Mr. Nutt 07/18/2012 22:08

    I dated a girl back in the day that got horny as fuck when she smoked weed. Good times my friend, good times.

  18. avatar
    Rok 07/18/2012 22:35

    You guys are deviants.

    I never heard of grass having anything to do with sex.

    Fucking perverts

  19. avatar
    Mr. Poop 07/18/2012 22:39

    F Scott Fitzgerald used to sprinkle paprika on his johnson in order to increase sensitivity

  20. avatar
    P3pp3r 07/18/2012 22:50

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