Argo Wins Best Picture, Iranians Pissed

By Ellis Red February 26, 2013 @ 12:54 PM


Having bet on Lincoln in my company office pool, I thought I was the most pissed dude in the world when Argo was announced as the Best Picture of the Year. But, no, it’s the Iranians.

According to the Christian Science Monitor, the Iranians, the official ones at least who are allowed to speak publicly without fear of anal floggings (yes, there is such a thing and I dare you to Google it on your work computer) are dismissing Argo as a piece of politically motivated crap to make Iran look like, well, kind of like the entire rest of the world imagines Iran to be like.

In response, the Iranians are producing their own film, The General Staff, about the hostage crisis that shows how kindly the upstart revolutionary co-eds were in making sure the American hostages were treated with care and respect, though nobody will comment on the captives being forced to eat Persian food for over 400 days straight. That’s fucking brutal.

Naturally, the Iranian government has shut down all theaters where Argo might be shown and threatened to imprison anybody who says a kind word about the film, though in true banana republic fashion, it is worth noting that bootleg DVD copies of Argo are readily available in Tehran markets for about a buck.

wwtdd

(14) Comments

  1. avatar
    BaconWatch 02/26/2013 13:05

    These posts have really gone downhill fast. Calling it a poor man’s Superficial is almost too kind.

  2. avatar
    tomatojoe 02/26/2013 13:09

    I honestly couldn’t care less about the topic and contents of this post.

  3. avatar
    CgiBinLaden 02/26/2013 13:15

    Using the Christian Science Monitor to source an article on muslims is like asking the KKK how to cook soul food.

  4. avatar
    RoyaleWithCheese 02/26/2013 13:18

    I’m fucking Persian you ignorant piece of shit. You don’t have a goddamn clue about the country, it’s culture, or it’s customs. I bet you base everything you know in the world on Fox News and use it at dinner parties to show how intelligent you are while everyone around you is silently thinking, “This guy is a grade A moron.” 400 days of Persian food? One could hope to be so lucky. Enjoy your McDonalds and your heart attack supreme sandwiches. I’ll be enjoying filet and lamb.

  5. avatar
    CgiBinLaden 02/26/2013 13:26

    Persian food rocks. Too bad it’s all buffet, as they’ve hung all of the waiters for being gay.

  6. avatar
    Al Bundy 02/26/2013 13:48

    >According to the Christian Science Monitor, the Iranians, the official ones at least who are allowed to speak publicly without fear of anal floggings (yes, there is such a thing and I dare you to Google it on your work computer) are dismissing Argo as a piece of politically motivated crap to make Iran look like, well, kind of like the entire rest of the world imagines Iran to be like.<

    This would have been the very first decent post since the change if you would had stopped right here and not added anything afterwards.

  7. avatar
    Doo Doo Fresh 02/26/2013 14:08

    All good journalism professors will tell you that being concise in your writing is crucial to being a good writer. When you drone on and on, the point one tries to convey gets lost in all the other drivel.

    Just something to consider during the next attempt to be a funny guy.

  8. avatar
    alicia 02/26/2013 14:18

    To be fair, Argo is a complete bullshit retelling of history, in classic American myth style. Do you really think the democrats would have let Carter lose and hide the CIA’s glory for um…what reasons again? Carter himself admits it was 90% Canadian effort, 10% CIA. I know movies are bs and that we americans need to be excused for our fictionalized, glorified, delusionary and false conception of history…but Argo just fucking grinds at me whenever I see Affleck’s smug face talk about his “true story”.

  9. avatar
    Lick-it 02/26/2013 15:01

    When Israeli liberates Iran in 2015……I will definitely visit and pork their chicks……

    ….some of ‘em aren’t half-bad….

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xovh9k_iranian-actress-nude-in-sex-scene_sexy#.US0GMIS0Ojc

  10. avatar
    sofakingawesome 02/26/2013 15:53

    https://twitter.com/bearsaremean

    Brendons twitter. Get the fuck off this site

  11. avatar
    fiddlebom 02/26/2013 15:55

    Calling Iran a Banana Republic proves you have no idea what that term means.
    Unsurprising…

  12. avatar
    Lick-it 02/26/2013 18:36

    Fiddlebom……

    ….maybe they meant “banana hamock”…

  13. avatar
    fiddlebom 02/26/2013 20:37

    One could only hope.

  14. avatar
    ThisSiteIsGayPornography 02/26/2013 20:42

    I ate some food from Iran and got the Iruns.

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