This Is Not a Picture of Vanessa Hudgens Snorting Coke Off of A Topless Selena Gomez

By colin February 25, 2013 @ 2:01 PM

This photo has been flying around the Internet something fierce over the weekend. You know what else flies around the Internet every single day? Complete and utter bullshit, on topics ranging from ‘secret Iranian nuke updates’ to ‘bear having sex with monkey — must see’. Ten years ago, my mom tuned into the Internet for a minute and declared that it was just a devil’s shitpit of lies and pornography, making her more prescient than any dude with a porkpie hat who wrote 5,000 word pieces for Wired at the time.

Combining the shitpit of lies and pornography, this purported photo from the set of Spring Breakers that  10,001 Tumblr accounts are now declaring to be Vanessa Hudgens snorting cocaine atop a topless Selena Gomez during shooting of the film. Even the dudes at 4Chan had a laugh at this, in between bouts of masturbating to the photo in their New Dehli-adjacent apartments.

The Internet moves faster than the speed of sound, or logic. Does anybody wonder how suddenly nine months after production ended, and after six months of the film being on festival tour, nobody who’s worked on the film or seen the film has even made mention of world-famous pop star Selena Gomez being topless? Would Selena Gomez be topless in a movie? Is the Internet going to fire up half-cocked next for Michelle Obama Naked Rose Garden Pictures or Melissa McCarthy Ass to Mouth?  (Actually, I know a guy who knows a guy who has photos of the latter and he says you have a hard time distinguishing between the two greasy cavities).

It’s  true, many celebrities have unexpectedly surprised us with snatch and top views from their hacked cell phone pictures over the past decade, but shit that goes down on set never goes unnoticed by at least twenty minimum-wage paid production assistants who have TMZ-pays-my-rent on speed dial. This isn’t Selena Gomez.

But, this really is, along with her co-stars, filming Spring Breakers…

(14) Comments

  1. avatar
    Lick-it 02/25/2013 14:05

    WAY too many words…….FAR too few camel-toes of these honeys…..

  2. avatar
    Lick-it 02/25/2013 14:06

    ….however…..a nice reminder that clam season is a few short months away…..

  3. avatar
    deliminator 02/25/2013 14:08

    That’s Rachel Korine.

  4. avatar
    sofakingawesome 02/25/2013 14:17

    Fuck you Colin…Fuck you

  5. avatar
    TellYourMomToStopCallingMe 02/25/2013 14:20

    Wow. Never have so many words been used to say so little. I almost miss Brendon Lohan. Almost.

  6. avatar
    gkline 02/25/2013 14:21

    All that and we just get a censored pic?

  7. avatar
    styckx 02/25/2013 14:32

    “Something fierce”.. Shoot yourself for using that term.. Holy shit whoever is writing this shit is trying too hard..

  8. avatar
    Stogee 02/25/2013 14:49

    No shit just the censored pic! C’mon jibbs, give us what we want!!

  9. avatar
    Rage 02/25/2013 14:52

    Do you get paid by the word? What the fuck? And where is the uncensored pics?

    Just go fucking die already…In your case it would be a great career move.

  10. avatar
    thejyav 02/25/2013 14:59

    To everyone who says the site has gone down hill the past year…I give you Colin.
    Congrats Colin you have made last year the Silver Age of WWTDD

  11. avatar
    Squabbler 02/25/2013 15:16

    You are correct. That is not a pic of Vanessa Hudgens snorting coke off of a topless Selena Gomez. But it damn well could be a pic of Ashley Benson snorting coke off of a topless Selena Gomez.


  12. avatar
    InventedTiME 02/25/2013 23:26

    Why did you censor the pic of Brendon’s going away party?

  13. avatar
    lp2xxx 02/26/2013 02:26

    Has to be Vanessa, since she is wearing the same bikini in this promo picture for the movie:

  14. avatar
    Pottz 02/26/2013 11:34


    Shoot your mother in the face.

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