Advertisement
Khloe Kardashian Posts Nude Ass Shot

The upside of Kardashian sibling rivalry is its singular focus on being fuckable by popular black male entertainers. Kimmy never came home with a 96 on her geometry examsetting off fits of academic testing jealousy. Kourtney wasn't going to nail that medical breakthroughthreatening the relatively lackluster contributions to society by her sisters. How round is my ass and can I train the Bugles out of my waistline? The...read more

Charlize Theron Reliving History

Reporters feel obliged to ask actors about how they personally relate to the character in their current movie and actors feel obliged to make up some bullshit answer. Everybody has to pretend that making movies is not simply pretend. That would make both sides seem slightly less important. For her new movie about a girl traumatized from witnessing her family being slaughtered, Charlize Theron had a pretty good kicker....read more

Rose McGowan Can't Be Topless Enough

I'm not sure if Rose McGowan made a bet with a friend who she's just the only go-to named actress in Hollywood who will flash her bare cans for a reasonable rate, but she seems to be topless in half the style and arts magazines this month. I could explain how Rose is ten times the feminist any of the ranting ladies of the Northeastern college corridor, but I'm kind of busy looking at her tits again. That's her genius...read more

Lindsay Lohan Pays Truck Driver She Smashed Into

Remember when Lindsay Lohan used to be drunk and high and drive her car into other people? Those were good times. A couple years ago she totaled her Porsche into the side of a truck she thought was just a figment of her imagination. At the time, Lindsay convinced her assistant to tell the cops she was the one behind the wheel because Lindsay wasn't sure her Chuck E. Cheese License to Drive badge was still valid....read more

#asssscap

Khloe's new boyfriend posted an Instagram photo of her Mothra egg shaped cans with the hashtag #asssscap. I can only imagine the look of pride on his face when he invented that hashtag. If any girl on Twitter sobbed to Khloe about her boyfriend posting her body part pictures online, Khloe would've bounced into action with no less than three trite inspirational poems and a plagiarized quote from Golda Meir about...read more

Katy Perry Got Too Much Miley Tongue

Katy Perry knows this cheeky sexualized pop star act is just a bit. You do the Kissed a Girl thing and get half naked in your music videos because it sells records. Then you go home and slap on your fat girl sweatpants eat a pound of olive loaf while watching Hoda and Kathie Lee. Miley Cyrus hasn't unplugged from The Matrix just yet. She believes she's the tip of the spear of a female sexual revolution like every teen...read more

Advertisement
Judge Sentences Justin Bieber to Death!

Justin Bieber faced the judge in Miami this morning after his DUI and expired license and street racing arrest and the judge gave him... $2500 bond. It was beyond exciting. CNN landed a helicopter on the courthouse rooftop with thirty-seven television reporters to cover the Justin Bieber arrest after somebody at Time Warner noticed that not a single person had watched CNN for the past six years. Justin was represented...read more

Correction of David Copperfied Story

Last week we posted a satirical commentary making light of David Copperfield's upcoming nuptials with an irreverent aside to a past allegation against the well known magician. The fact is, that criminal allegation has been completely discounted and dismissed by the authorities. If you are interested, you can read details on the case HERE. In no way was the commentary to be construed as factual reporting or anything...read more

Hilary Duff Is Getting Divorced

After three years of E! exclusively preening and fawning every waking loving romantic moment of the Hilary Duff and Mike Comrie Hollywood magical marriage, it's over. Up until two days ago, the P.R. shill news outlet was still reporting the incredible love affair between the actress and her retired hockey playing boyfriend: The 26-year-old beauty was spotted enjoying a romantic day in the park with her husband in...read more

Somebody's Going to Vegas (And It's Not Farrah Abraham, She Doesn't Like Us)

Congratulations to some dude who calls himself Andrew. In the sea of entries of people with hardships so powerful I became too depressed to play my Scatchers, Andrew nailed the best reason why he deserves this killer trip to Vegas for Memorial Day Weekend. Andrew, don't be a shmuck now and respond to your email. Otherwise, we do have a runner up. (Cue dramatic music!)read more

You've Got 12 Hours Left to Win That Big Fucking Trip to Vegas

That's Suzy Favor Hamilton, the former Olympic track star who got not so right in the head and was secretly working as a high-dollar escort in Vegas. I'm not promising you'll hook up with a mentally troubled hot former Olympic athlete when you're in Vegas, but if you win this big fucking trip, you can probably do even better. Contest ends at midnight tonight. I think that's Pacific, maybe Eastern, I can't remember....read more

Do You Like Vegas? Do You Want a $6500 Memorial Day Weekend Trip?

Oh, no, he's selling out again! Devotees of awkwardly constructed personal principles hate Vegas to begin with, but for the rest of you who might want a three night, three day, hotel, airfare, transportation, and VIP nightclub trip to Vegas for Memorial Day weekend for two people courtesy of The Light Group, this is very fucking simple. Fill out the form below. It'll give you Twitter instructions you will follow to be...read more

Farrah Superstar Backdoor Teen Mom DVD Giveaway

To thank all of you who've stuck with us through the transition, our bevy of new readers, and even those people who stayed behind just to kvetch (you remind me so much of my parents), here's some free porn. We got DVD copies of the Backdoor Teen Mom tape to give away. We just set up a new Twitter feed for WWTDD. Social media being the big thing for all the crazy kids these days. The 1st and the 50th person to Tweet "I...read more

Don't Say Innocuous Things About Murderous Nutjobs

"He was just a quiet kid' -- neighbor of Boston bombing suspect, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev I understand that you don't know which of your neighbors are doing crazy-ass anti-social shit behind closed doors and which are not. Some are just obvious a-holes who you know are up to no good. But some are going to be the young man who 'seemed like such a nice guy'. That's the nature of sociopathy. Even if you're on the lookout for...read more

'Chas' Takes Home the Devil's Gold

'Chas' did win the entirely democratic banner contest voting process. I defy Jimmy Carter to come in here and monitor the results. Chas' minimal changes strategy paid off with 33% of the vote. Although you could say 67% voted for something different. But then you'd be like the losing candidate the day after an election trying to justify his loss to the true believers. Chas' new banner design will likely be going up...read more