Congratulations to some dude who calls himself Andrew. In the sea of entries of people with hardships so powerful I became too depressed to play my Scatchers, Andrew nailed the best reason why he deserves this killer trip to Vegas for Memorial Day Weekend.
Andrew, don’t be a shmuck now and respond to your email. Otherwise, we do have a runner up. (Cue dramatic music!)
That’s Suzy Favor Hamilton, the former Olympic track star who got not so right in the head and was secretly working as a high-dollar escort in Vegas. I’m not promising you’ll hook up with a mentally troubled hot former Olympic athlete when you’re in Vegas, but if you win this big fucking trip, you can probably do even better.
Contest ends at midnight tonight. I think that’s Pacific, maybe Eastern, I can’t remember. Point is, enter to win the $6500 Memorial Day Weekend VIP trip to Vegas now if you haven’t already. Somebody’s going to be getting a pleasant email tomorrow about this. Why not you?
Follow @DurdenShat on Twitter
Oh, no, he’s selling out again! Devotees of awkwardly constructed personal principles hate Vegas to begin with, but for the rest of you who might want a three night, three day, hotel, airfare, transportation, and VIP nightclub trip to Vegas for Memorial Day weekend for two people courtesy of The Light Group, this is very fucking simple.
Fill out the form below. It’ll give you Twitter instructions you will follow to be entered into this contest. Be sure to use the hashtag provided or it won’t get entered. You will have just your Tweet limit characters to tell @DurdenShat why you deserve this $6500 value trip to Vegas for the upcoming holiday. We’ll pick the winner on this end and announce a week from today. I can tell you now that pity and begging won’t win out, even if you’re a really hot girl. I’m going Man of Steel on this shit. Give me something good.
To thank all of you who’ve stuck with us through the transition, our bevy of new readers, and even those people who stayed behind just to kvetch (you remind me so much of my parents), here’s some free porn. We got DVD copies of the Backdoor Teen Mom tape to give away.
We just set up a new Twitter feed for WWTDD. Social media being the big thing for all the crazy kids these days. The 1st and the 50th person to Tweet “I need me some backdoor action” @DurdenShat will win a sweet 70-minute romp with Farrah Abraham’s bunghole. I’ll also give one away to just some random Tweeter today or tomorrow, so keep showing your backdoor love.
That starts now.
“He was just a quiet kid’
– neighbor of Boston bombing suspect, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev
I understand that you don’t know which of your neighbors are doing crazy-ass anti-social shit behind closed doors and which are not. Some are just obvious a-holes who you know are up to no good. But some are going to be the young man who ‘seemed like such a nice guy’. That’s the nature of sociopathy. Even if you’re on the lookout for it, you likely won’t spot it. So, when that neighbor kid or cousin of yours or co-worker finally snaps and reveals himself to be a total evil demon seed of warped brain functionality, don’t be the fool who gives the reporters quotes about how sweet a kid he seemed, or that he was quiet but helped you with your groceries. Be the guy who says, ‘I knew that little shit was up to no good. I wish people would have listened to me.’ Yeah, he was quiet, quiet because he was busy working on his deadly jihad in the basement.
Update: The suspect’s dad just said his son was a ‘true angel’. Okay, I’ll give you the shocked dad exception. But everyone else needs to quit it now.
‘Chas’ did win the entirely democratic banner contest voting process. I defy Jimmy Carter to come in here and monitor the results. Chas’ minimal changes strategy paid off with 33% of the vote. Although you could say 67% voted for something different. But then you’d be like the losing candidate the day after an election trying to justify his loss to the true believers.
Chas’ new banner design will likely be going up next week along with some other cosmetic improvements to the old WordPress platform we’ve got running here.
UPDATE: Holy crap we had 25,000 votes. You people are insane. ESPN and AOL don’t draw close to those kinds of unique survey votes.
