I Guess Jesus Is A Good Wingman

By Michael March 15, 2013 @ 1:44 PM

An Indiana pastor named Jack Schaap had the ultimate wing man: Jesus. Not Jesus, the Mexican guy that works at the Shell station, but Jesus H. Christ. Schaap got shit canned from his job at a megachurch because he was banging one of his teenage parishioners. How does a slimy evangelical redneck preacher get in a nice Christian girl’s panties? Tell her Jesus wants them to make dirty pig love, of course! In one of the letters that the cops have released Schaap says, “In our ‘fantasy talk,’ you have affectionately spoken of being ‘my wife, That is exactly what Christ desires for us. He wants to marry us + become eternal lovers!” And it worked! She fell for that shit.

While I think this guy is a piece of crap for seducing a minor in his care, I can’t help but respect the technique. Most men tend to try flattery or copious amounts of alcohol to seal the deal. Who knew that all you had to do was tell the girl that Jesus wants you two to bone? I wonder if it works in other religions too? “Hey baby, the elephant headed god Ganesha thinks you should schlobble my knobble.”

Enjoy this bizarre video of Schaap screaming and simulating masturbation with an arrow.

(6) Comments

  1. avatar
    CgiBinLaden 03/15/2013 13:53

    Jesus is an excellent wingman, as he knows all about taking one for the team.

  2. avatar
    RangerLG 03/15/2013 13:57

    You nailed that one CBL!

  3. avatar
    CgiBinLaden 03/15/2013 13:59

    Just don’t let him handle the M&Ms….

  4. avatar
    SomeoneluvsU 03/15/2013 14:01

    Jim Baker is gonna be pissed somebody stole his shtick.

  5. avatar
    Ass Mint 03/15/2013 14:44

    I’m thinking Jessica Hahn is more pissed.

  6. avatar
    woody 03/15/2013 19:39

    This site is supposed to be about tits. WTF. I don’t know what this post is about but the pictures are of old men so I’m out. Come on FUCKTARDS.

You must be to post a comment.